life

Woman's Abrupt Manner Leads to Issues

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 6th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked for a year on a project with a woman who had good intentions but who was often late and even more often was abrupt in the way she talked to me and to others on our team. I endured it during those 12 months, but I’m wondering if I want to work with her anymore. It was hard, and I’m kind of sensitive to lots of things, including timeliness and communication style. She is a team member and equal to me, but her behavior makes it hard to work as a team.

I was recently asked by the boss to stay on. I can use the money, but I worry that I will become angry if I have to keep making up for what this woman lacks. What can I do? -- Filling the Divide, Milwaukee

DEAR FILLING THE DIVIDE: Talk with your boss about the opportunity being offered to you. Thank him or her for believing in you and wanting to keep you on the team. Describe to the boss what you like about the job and ask if you can share what you consider the difficulties to be. Explain that you have experienced conflict with the woman in question. Admit you have considered not staying on at the company because of the specific interactions you have had with this woman. Ask if the boss can help make the work experience more comfortable.

Know that you risk losing your job by bringing this up. Since you were ready to walk anyway, you might as well tell your boss what your concerns are. He or she may not be aware of what’s going on in the office and may be able to help.

Etiquette & EthicsMoneyWork & School
life

Full Social Calendar Leads to Exhaustion

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 6th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: The fall season is upon us, and it’s busy for me. I am happy that I have lots to do at work and in my social life, but I can’t figure out how to juggle everything. Just last week, I was invited to three events on one night and at least two on every other weeknight. I am young, and I understand this is my time to be out and about, but I can’t do everything. It’s making me too tired at work. How do I manage my schedule, bow out of some things gracefully and not make enemies? -- On the Go, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR ON THE GO: Keep a schedule of your week, including all key work duties as well as all invitations. Prioritize the invites that will further your career ambitions, expand your knowledge or fortify your friends and family. Your goal should be to strike a balance in your life between work and play. Agree to attend the key events and stay there only until the time that you know is your cutoff.

When you know you are overextended, RSVP that you cannot attend. You can write a brief note saying you are sure it will be a great event and you regret not being able to be there. Be honest with yourself and those who have invited you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolFriends & NeighborsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Waiting for Meeting Where No One Shows Up

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 5th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: How long do you wait when you are invited to come to a meeting at someone’s office, but when you get there it’s an open working space and you can’t find the person anywhere? I get the economy of open spaces without administrative assistants, but it backfired on this day.

I arrived a few minutes early, tried to figure out where the woman I was meeting could be, emailed her, called the office phone and cellphone that were listed in her email signature, and nothing. I waited for a half-hour before I left. I didn’t have a way to leave her a note, so I sent her an email. Should I have waited longer? -- Disconnected, Chicago

DEAR DISCONNECTED: How important the meeting is for you should determine how long you wait. A half-hour to an hour seems reasonable. One of the biggest challenges in today’s open workspaces that do not have receptionists is that it can be difficult to find people when you are trying to reach them. Next time you could call or email in advance to confirm your meeting. On the back end, you sent the email. Be sure to follow up -- without an attitude -- to reschedule.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Friend's Reason for Bailing Remains a Mystery

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 5th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been close friends with a guy for about five years. We used to work together and grew close as strictly platonic friends. He is about 10 years younger than me. I know he has a drinking problem, but it mostly hasn’t affected me. We don’t work together anymore or even live in the same town. I was going out to his hometown for work and contacted him to get together. We agreed about the plan and were both excited. When the time came, he didn’t show or call. I was so mad.

I don’t know if he passed out from being drunk or if he flaked because his girlfriend is jealous of our friendship. Either way, I think it sucks. We are close, and I think I at least deserve a call. We used to think of ourselves as best friends. Do you think a serious girlfriend could stand in the way of us keeping our friendship? He texted me a few days later apologizing, but that really isn’t good enough. -- Stood Up, San Diego

DEAR STOOD UP: The good news is, you know he is alive and remorseful. You need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him. Give him a chance to tell you what happened. Listen, and then tell him how hurt you were by his unexplained absence. Remind him that you thought you two were best friends and that you believe you deserved at least a call saying he wasn’t coming.

Ask him if your friendship is causing problems in his relationship. Be direct. You need to understand what’s going on. Finally, ask him about his drinking. Let him know you are concerned that he drinks too much and could be putting himself in harm’s way. Discuss the status of your friendship, your hopes and expectations. Decide whether it can continue after your evaluation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Love & DatingEtiquette & EthicsMental HealthAddictionHealth & Safety
life

Managing Expectations Important in Business

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have rekindled a business relationship that began some 20 years ago. My business partner was excellent back in the day, and I’m excited about the possibility of working with him again now. My concern is that last time we worked very hard on an idea that never really went far. We pitched it to all the right places, but it fell flat.

Now we are tweaking an idea and believe the market will be better for us this time around, but what if it isn’t? I don’t want to waste this man’s time or my own. Do you think we should go for it and see if we can create a moneymaking opportunity? I want to manage expectations. -- Being Realistic, Westchester, New York

DEAR BEING REALISTIC: Before you start down the road of working together, have a frank conversation about the past and the future. Outline what your business relationship will be and clarify expectations on both sides. Acknowledge that neither of you can predict the future. Be sure you both agree that the project you are exploring is worth the effort. Along the way, check in with each other regularly to ensure you are comfortable with the work being done and the results being achieved. Decide on deadlines and clear markers for success or evaluation. As long as you communicate clearly and honestly, you should be OK.

Work & SchoolFriends & NeighborsMoney
life

Teens Without Boundaries Grow Lazy

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two teenage children, and I’m worried that I have spoiled them too much. At this age I feel like they should help more around the house, including doing their own laundry and making their beds. I know they have schoolwork to do and the workload is intense, but I see them slacking a lot. For example, when I remind them to wash a load of clothes, they often put it off and then forget while, meantime, I can hear them gabbing on the phone to friends or see them texting away. I don’t want to become a police officer at home, but I don’t know how to get them to take on household responsibilities without threatening to take away their privileges. -- Do Your Chores, Akron, Ohio

DEAR DO YOUR CHORES: Consequences are essential for teens -- and adults, for that matter -- when you want to reinforce rules. Take your children’s phones and other devices away from them until they have completed whatever homework and housework assignments they have. Let them fuss about it. Point out that the sooner they fulfill their responsibilities, the quicker they will have their freedoms. Place a basket at the front door, or in your bedroom if needed, where they can put their phones. Make it clear you are in charge of their release.

Pay close attention to your children’s homework and school assignments. Require them to show you their tests and homework scores. Follow up with their teachers whenever you are concerned about their performance. If you remain vigilant, you can help them to remember the importance of doing their work well and on time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

TeensFamily & ParentingWork & School

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