life

Waiting for Meeting Where No One Shows Up

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 5th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: How long do you wait when you are invited to come to a meeting at someone’s office, but when you get there it’s an open working space and you can’t find the person anywhere? I get the economy of open spaces without administrative assistants, but it backfired on this day.

I arrived a few minutes early, tried to figure out where the woman I was meeting could be, emailed her, called the office phone and cellphone that were listed in her email signature, and nothing. I waited for a half-hour before I left. I didn’t have a way to leave her a note, so I sent her an email. Should I have waited longer? -- Disconnected, Chicago

DEAR DISCONNECTED: How important the meeting is for you should determine how long you wait. A half-hour to an hour seems reasonable. One of the biggest challenges in today’s open workspaces that do not have receptionists is that it can be difficult to find people when you are trying to reach them. Next time you could call or email in advance to confirm your meeting. On the back end, you sent the email. Be sure to follow up -- without an attitude -- to reschedule.

Etiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

Friend's Reason for Bailing Remains a Mystery

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 5th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been close friends with a guy for about five years. We used to work together and grew close as strictly platonic friends. He is about 10 years younger than me. I know he has a drinking problem, but it mostly hasn’t affected me. We don’t work together anymore or even live in the same town. I was going out to his hometown for work and contacted him to get together. We agreed about the plan and were both excited. When the time came, he didn’t show or call. I was so mad.

I don’t know if he passed out from being drunk or if he flaked because his girlfriend is jealous of our friendship. Either way, I think it sucks. We are close, and I think I at least deserve a call. We used to think of ourselves as best friends. Do you think a serious girlfriend could stand in the way of us keeping our friendship? He texted me a few days later apologizing, but that really isn’t good enough. -- Stood Up, San Diego

DEAR STOOD UP: The good news is, you know he is alive and remorseful. You need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him. Give him a chance to tell you what happened. Listen, and then tell him how hurt you were by his unexplained absence. Remind him that you thought you two were best friends and that you believe you deserved at least a call saying he wasn’t coming.

Ask him if your friendship is causing problems in his relationship. Be direct. You need to understand what’s going on. Finally, ask him about his drinking. Let him know you are concerned that he drinks too much and could be putting himself in harm’s way. Discuss the status of your friendship, your hopes and expectations. Decide whether it can continue after your evaluation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Health & SafetyAddictionMental HealthEtiquette & EthicsLove & Dating
life

Managing Expectations Important in Business

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have rekindled a business relationship that began some 20 years ago. My business partner was excellent back in the day, and I’m excited about the possibility of working with him again now. My concern is that last time we worked very hard on an idea that never really went far. We pitched it to all the right places, but it fell flat.

Now we are tweaking an idea and believe the market will be better for us this time around, but what if it isn’t? I don’t want to waste this man’s time or my own. Do you think we should go for it and see if we can create a moneymaking opportunity? I want to manage expectations. -- Being Realistic, Westchester, New York

DEAR BEING REALISTIC: Before you start down the road of working together, have a frank conversation about the past and the future. Outline what your business relationship will be and clarify expectations on both sides. Acknowledge that neither of you can predict the future. Be sure you both agree that the project you are exploring is worth the effort. Along the way, check in with each other regularly to ensure you are comfortable with the work being done and the results being achieved. Decide on deadlines and clear markers for success or evaluation. As long as you communicate clearly and honestly, you should be OK.

MoneyFriends & NeighborsWork & School
life

Teens Without Boundaries Grow Lazy

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two teenage children, and I’m worried that I have spoiled them too much. At this age I feel like they should help more around the house, including doing their own laundry and making their beds. I know they have schoolwork to do and the workload is intense, but I see them slacking a lot. For example, when I remind them to wash a load of clothes, they often put it off and then forget while, meantime, I can hear them gabbing on the phone to friends or see them texting away. I don’t want to become a police officer at home, but I don’t know how to get them to take on household responsibilities without threatening to take away their privileges. -- Do Your Chores, Akron, Ohio

DEAR DO YOUR CHORES: Consequences are essential for teens -- and adults, for that matter -- when you want to reinforce rules. Take your children’s phones and other devices away from them until they have completed whatever homework and housework assignments they have. Let them fuss about it. Point out that the sooner they fulfill their responsibilities, the quicker they will have their freedoms. Place a basket at the front door, or in your bedroom if needed, where they can put their phones. Make it clear you are in charge of their release.

Pay close attention to your children’s homework and school assignments. Require them to show you their tests and homework scores. Follow up with their teachers whenever you are concerned about their performance. If you remain vigilant, you can help them to remember the importance of doing their work well and on time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolFamily & ParentingTeens
life

Elderly Cousin Reaches Out

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an older cousin who has always been very kind to my siblings and me. She is an only child, and now that she is getting up in age I’m noticing she is pushing to get closer to us. She texts me periodically and has asked that I visit with her every time I come to town. At first, I thought of her request as an imposition. When I come home, I head straight to see my mother. Mom is the priority. Because two of my siblings help to care for my mom, I see them as well.

I was thinking about this the other day, and it occurred to me this cousin doesn’t have her mother anymore -- or anybody else. She’s a senior citizen, and who knows how long she will be around? I want to be more inclusive, but I don’t want to promise something I may not be able to deliver. How should I manage my relationship with my cousin? Sometimes I don’t want to widen the circle. -- Keeping it Close, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR KEEPING IT CLOSE: Family is important. It’s good you are thinking about your cousin and how to incorporate her more in your life. What you may want to do is begin to communicate with her when you are not in town. Call her from time to time. Check to see how she’s doing and share highlights of your life. If you both have smartphones, consider using FaceTime or Skype, so you can see each other. Whenever you can, make time to see your cousin when you come to town. She knows your mother is your priority. Maybe you and your siblings can organize a family meal when you are in town so there’s a central location for everyone to come together.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Friend's Troubled Past Causes Concern

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor, who has become a friend, was incarcerated a few years ago for a white-collar crime. She did her time and is now living her life. She is very kind to me and would do anything she can to support me. She can be a little rough around the edges in the way she communicates, but so what? She’s loyal.

The problem is one of my business colleagues learned this woman and I are friends, thanks to social media, and she confronted me about it. She said it was bad for my reputation to be friendly with someone who has been in jail. How do I manage this situation? -- Dredging Up the Past, Denver

DEAR DREDGING UP THE PAST: Do your research to be clear about what crime your friend committed and how it was resolved. If you feel comfortable about where she is now and the substance of your relationship, maintain your friendship. You can say to anyone who challenges you that she has done her time and, as far as you are concerned, she is a good friend. For business purposes, whether her reputation can affect yours depends on what field you are in. It is possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolFriends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics

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