DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an older cousin who has always been very kind to my siblings and me. She is an only child, and now that she is getting up in age I’m noticing she is pushing to get closer to us. She texts me periodically and has asked that I visit with her every time I come to town. At first, I thought of her request as an imposition. When I come home, I head straight to see my mother. Mom is the priority. Because two of my siblings help to care for my mom, I see them as well.

I was thinking about this the other day, and it occurred to me this cousin doesn’t have her mother anymore -- or anybody else. She’s a senior citizen, and who knows how long she will be around? I want to be more inclusive, but I don’t want to promise something I may not be able to deliver. How should I manage my relationship with my cousin? Sometimes I don’t want to widen the circle. -- Keeping it Close, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR KEEPING IT CLOSE: Family is important. It’s good you are thinking about your cousin and how to incorporate her more in your life. What you may want to do is begin to communicate with her when you are not in town. Call her from time to time. Check to see how she’s doing and share highlights of your life. If you both have smartphones, consider using FaceTime or Skype, so you can see each other. Whenever you can, make time to see your cousin when you come to town. She knows your mother is your priority. Maybe you and your siblings can organize a family meal when you are in town so there’s a central location for everyone to come together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor, who has become a friend, was incarcerated a few years ago for a white-collar crime. She did her time and is now living her life. She is very kind to me and would do anything she can to support me. She can be a little rough around the edges in the way she communicates, but so what? She’s loyal.

The problem is one of my business colleagues learned this woman and I are friends, thanks to social media, and she confronted me about it. She said it was bad for my reputation to be friendly with someone who has been in jail. How do I manage this situation? -- Dredging Up the Past, Denver

DEAR DREDGING UP THE PAST: Do your research to be clear about what crime your friend committed and how it was resolved. If you feel comfortable about where she is now and the substance of your relationship, maintain your friendship. You can say to anyone who challenges you that she has done her time and, as far as you are concerned, she is a good friend. For business purposes, whether her reputation can affect yours depends on what field you are in. It is possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter was hanging out with her girlfriend at home, and they were supposed to be doing homework. When I went in the room and asked what they were doing, I got a lot of nothing in terms of an answer, followed by the admission that they were about to watch Netflix. My daughter knows what she was asked to do. In front of her friend she tried to act like it was annoying for me to ask her questions about her homework. I did not press the issue more than to say that if they weren’t doing homework in the next few minutes, the visit would be over. I know my daughter was trying to act as though she’s in control. She is not. How can I reinforce our house rules without embarrassing her? -- Out of Bounds, Pittsburgh

DEAR OUT OF BOUNDS: It’s good strategy on your part to give her some wiggle room to save face with her friend, at least this time. A teenager’s job is to jockey for independence, which usually includes pushing back against whatever a parent has to say. To the extent that you can keep your disciplining private, you may have better results with your daughter.

When alone, reinforce what your expectations are of your daughter, including the tone of voice she uses to communicate with you and the timeliness of her responses. Make it clear that if she does not adhere to your rule of putting homework first, she will lose the privilege of hanging out with her friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is getting up in age and has become crotchety. It feels like everything is a problem for him, and he can’t resist complaining whenever any topic comes up. It’s almost like he’s complaining for sport. I like to be peaceful -- and always have. I don’t appreciate having to be on the defensive whenever I talk to him. What can I do or say to get him to let up on the negative chatter? -- Over the Hill, Boston

DEAR OVER THE HILL: Now is the time to use your powers of patience to support your father and yourself. It will be great if you can ignore your father when he slips into nonstop complaining. Let him talk and tune him out -- his complaints, at least -- to the best of your ability. When you feel you have had enough, change the subject. Interrupt your father and tell him a story. Make one up if you need to. Recall a fairy tale or something that is vividly descriptive and will capture his imagination.

Keep the stories going by offering to read them to him when you visit. Choose fairy tales, dramas, mysteries --stories with enough simple intrigue that they hold his attention.

As people get older, they often respond to the very things that captivate children. Use stories and other activities, such as walks in the park, trips to the museum or bowling to get his mind on something interesting. Sign him up for elder day care if you have a center near his home. Being involved in outside activities may help to stimulate his mind toward positive thoughts.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a sophomore in college. She has had a boyfriend for the past two years. He sounds like a nice young man. My daughter has asked if she can bring him home for Thanksgiving. I like the idea, as it will give us a chance to meet him and get to know him. My concern is the ground rules.

Call my husband and me old-fashioned, but we do not believe my daughter should sleep in the same room as her boyfriend until they are married, no matter what they do when they are on their own. I don’t want to discourage her from inviting her boyfriend to visit, but I do need to make sure she is willing to follow the rules. At the same time, I don’t want her to think I am treating her like a baby. What should I say? -- Old School, Baltimore

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: Do not feel embarrassed about wanting to enforce your house rules. You have every right to expect your daughter to remember how you taught her to behave and to adhere to those expectations. Call her and tell her how excited you and your husband are for her and her boyfriend to visit. Give her a sense of any scheduled activities that you would like for them to attend. Then tell her where she will sleep and where her boyfriend will sleep. If she tries to resist, remind her that you and your husband do not condone sleeping together before marriage.

Be practical as well. Your daughter may not be as traditional in her values as you are. Whenever you can, have her tell you about her relationship, what she values and what she hopes for with this young man. When they are with you, be supportive and attentive. You don’t have to relax your rules, but you do need to listen carefully in order to best guide your daughter through this time of exploration and growing maturity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and her husband live in London. I am so worried about them. There have been multiple terrorist attacks there in the past couple of years, and I feel helpless as a parent. I want to protect my daughter, but she is so far away. Whenever something happens, I call and can’t always reach her because of the time difference. I have asked her to create an emergency plan with my wife and me so we know how to reach each other when bad things happen. My daughter thinks I’m being overbearing. How can I present this idea to her so she will reconsider? -- Plan in Place, Portland, Oregon

DEAR PLAN IN PLACE: It is understandable that you would be worried. You are not alone. One way to get your daughter to think more broadly is to include the safety of you and your wife in the scenario. It’s not just that you want to know that she and her husband are OK; you also want her to be able to check in on you. Distance does not have to mean disconnection. Why don’t you work up an emergency plan that you present to your daughter for consideration? Make sure it features arrangements for both sides of the pond.