DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a sophomore in college. She has had a boyfriend for the past two years. He sounds like a nice young man. My daughter has asked if she can bring him home for Thanksgiving. I like the idea, as it will give us a chance to meet him and get to know him. My concern is the ground rules.

Call my husband and me old-fashioned, but we do not believe my daughter should sleep in the same room as her boyfriend until they are married, no matter what they do when they are on their own. I don’t want to discourage her from inviting her boyfriend to visit, but I do need to make sure she is willing to follow the rules. At the same time, I don’t want her to think I am treating her like a baby. What should I say? -- Old School, Baltimore

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: Do not feel embarrassed about wanting to enforce your house rules. You have every right to expect your daughter to remember how you taught her to behave and to adhere to those expectations. Call her and tell her how excited you and your husband are for her and her boyfriend to visit. Give her a sense of any scheduled activities that you would like for them to attend. Then tell her where she will sleep and where her boyfriend will sleep. If she tries to resist, remind her that you and your husband do not condone sleeping together before marriage.

Be practical as well. Your daughter may not be as traditional in her values as you are. Whenever you can, have her tell you about her relationship, what she values and what she hopes for with this young man. When they are with you, be supportive and attentive. You don’t have to relax your rules, but you do need to listen carefully in order to best guide your daughter through this time of exploration and growing maturity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and her husband live in London. I am so worried about them. There have been multiple terrorist attacks there in the past couple of years, and I feel helpless as a parent. I want to protect my daughter, but she is so far away. Whenever something happens, I call and can’t always reach her because of the time difference. I have asked her to create an emergency plan with my wife and me so we know how to reach each other when bad things happen. My daughter thinks I’m being overbearing. How can I present this idea to her so she will reconsider? -- Plan in Place, Portland, Oregon

DEAR PLAN IN PLACE: It is understandable that you would be worried. You are not alone. One way to get your daughter to think more broadly is to include the safety of you and your wife in the scenario. It’s not just that you want to know that she and her husband are OK; you also want her to be able to check in on you. Distance does not have to mean disconnection. Why don’t you work up an emergency plan that you present to your daughter for consideration? Make sure it features arrangements for both sides of the pond.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a fancy restaurant with a group of friends the other night. We had never been there before, but we had heard the food is great. As we enjoyed our meal, I noticed from my peripheral vision that the husband of one of my colleagues was at the restaurant. He was definitely with another woman. At one point, we saw each other, and I spoke to him. It was extremely awkward. The way he was behaving with this dining partner seemed romantic to me, but I know he is living with his wife and kids.

I know this is none of my business, but I feel like I would want to be told if the shoe were on the other foot. Do I tell my colleague I saw her husband? If so, how much of what I observed should I say? -- Caught, Seattle

DEAR CAUGHT: This is tricky. Often when couples are experiencing the stress of one spouse cheating, the other is in denial about it, and there’s very little anyone can do or say to open their eyes. You should not try to convince her of anything. If you want to tell her you saw her husband, keep it simple. Tell her you went to the particular restaurant in question with your friends and noticed her husband was there. You two spoke, and that was it. If she asks who he was with, you can describe his dinner partner, but do not go into detail about the behavior you observed. Let it be enough that you tell her you saw him dining with a woman. She will have to take it from here.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to the 50th birthday party of an industry friend. I like him a lot and want to go to the dance party. The invitation says it is only for me, but I’m married, and this friend knows my husband. Do you think it’s OK for me to contact him to see if I can bring my husband? While I do go to work events in the evening by myself sometimes, this doesn’t feel like that kind of party. It’s on a Sunday, and I want my husband to enjoy it with me. I also don’t want to put too much pressure on the birthday boy. How should I handle this? -- Plus-One, Denver

DEAR PLUS-ONE: It is perfectly appropriate for you to ask your friend if you can bring your husband. Creating a non-transferrable invitation is common these days, in part because it is so easy to share information electronically. The host wants to limit and control his guest list, which makes sense. Many of his friends may be single too, making it less of an issue to come solo. As a married woman, you have every right to ask if you can bring your husband. In all likelihood, he will say yes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a weird position. On one hand, I feel for people who are in need, like the ones who beg for money or food on the street and who are obviously in a bad situation. But I’m annoyed by people, especially young people, who sit on the sidewalk, beg for money and get an attitude when I don’t give anything to them. I may look good, but I am struggling too, and I have a job. The last thing I’m going to do is give money to somebody my own age when I wish I could be asking for money from them.

How do I bow out gracefully and not give to random people on the street but still be a meaningful contributor to society? I am not coldhearted, but I do not have a budget for charity, at least not yet. -- Drawing the Line, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: You are not alone in feeling conflicted about how to take care of yourself and support your fellow human. Take a moment and consider what form of public service you can do now. You can volunteer at a charity, a church, a shelter or some other organization that helps people who are in need. You can select a charity and give it a monthly financial donation or an annual donation. By the way, the amount does not have to be big. Give what you are comfortable contributing.

As far as people on the street who ask you for money, you do not have an obligation to give them anything. Simply treat them with respect. You can wish them a good day, smile and keep moving. Some may yell that what they really need is money, but more will likely welcome a kind glance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gone out with a guy on two dates. He always looks nice when I see him. He seems nice enough, but there is a problem that I don’t know how to address. He wears very strong cologne and too much of it. Without even touching him, I end up smelling like him. His car reeks of the fragrance, and it’s overpowering. I think he puts on too much cologne out of nervousness, or maybe he doesn’t realize how strong the smell is. Whatever the reason, it’s intolerable. How can I tell him without making him feel self-conscious? -- Over the Top, Boston

DEAR OVER THE TOP: The best thing to do is just tell him. You can sweeten it by saying you appreciate that he is always so pulled together. Compliment him on how he looks and how he treats you. Then tell him there’s one thing that you need him to know: You have a sensitive nose and his cologne is too strong. Ask him if he would be willing to not wear any fragrance for a while. If he likes you enough, he will try to make you feel comfortable, even if that means not spraying himself anymore.