DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a weird position. On one hand, I feel for people who are in need, like the ones who beg for money or food on the street and who are obviously in a bad situation. But I’m annoyed by people, especially young people, who sit on the sidewalk, beg for money and get an attitude when I don’t give anything to them. I may look good, but I am struggling too, and I have a job. The last thing I’m going to do is give money to somebody my own age when I wish I could be asking for money from them.

How do I bow out gracefully and not give to random people on the street but still be a meaningful contributor to society? I am not coldhearted, but I do not have a budget for charity, at least not yet. -- Drawing the Line, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: You are not alone in feeling conflicted about how to take care of yourself and support your fellow human. Take a moment and consider what form of public service you can do now. You can volunteer at a charity, a church, a shelter or some other organization that helps people who are in need. You can select a charity and give it a monthly financial donation or an annual donation. By the way, the amount does not have to be big. Give what you are comfortable contributing.

As far as people on the street who ask you for money, you do not have an obligation to give them anything. Simply treat them with respect. You can wish them a good day, smile and keep moving. Some may yell that what they really need is money, but more will likely welcome a kind glance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gone out with a guy on two dates. He always looks nice when I see him. He seems nice enough, but there is a problem that I don’t know how to address. He wears very strong cologne and too much of it. Without even touching him, I end up smelling like him. His car reeks of the fragrance, and it’s overpowering. I think he puts on too much cologne out of nervousness, or maybe he doesn’t realize how strong the smell is. Whatever the reason, it’s intolerable. How can I tell him without making him feel self-conscious? -- Over the Top, Boston

DEAR OVER THE TOP: The best thing to do is just tell him. You can sweeten it by saying you appreciate that he is always so pulled together. Compliment him on how he looks and how he treats you. Then tell him there’s one thing that you need him to know: You have a sensitive nose and his cologne is too strong. Ask him if he would be willing to not wear any fragrance for a while. If he likes you enough, he will try to make you feel comfortable, even if that means not spraying himself anymore.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter is very active on social media. Snapchat is her medium of choice. I’m on Facebook and Instagram but not Snapchat. I recently learned that she and her girlfriends have been posting photos of themselves asking if they are cute. My “source” told me some of the posts are mean about other people, and some are kind.

I am concerned my daughter is getting caught up in appearances as well as in how other people perceive her. How can I help her continue to cultivate positive self-esteem when she is already questioning her attractiveness in a social media space? -- Cultivating Self-Esteem, Los Angeles

DEAR CULTIVATING SELF-ESTEEM: The good news is that you have a source you can trust to help you figure out what your daughter is doing. As hard as you may try, you will likely not be able to stay on top of which media outlets attract your daughter’s and her friends’ attention.

I recommend that you not reveal your source. Instead, keep that person in place to monitor your daughter’s communications. With your daughter, work to keep a level of confidence in your relationship. If you can create a safe space where the two of you talk about life, friendships, boys -- everything -- you will have a better chance of influencing her decisions. FYI: Taking away her phone or banning her from social media would only be a temporary fix. Trust is a much stronger force in guiding your daughter’s steps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sons have been captivated by video games since they were little. They are now in high school, but the fascination hasn’t waned. My oldest boy just used a gift card to buy a video game. I got notice it had arrived at the store. I will pick it up, but I don’t want to give it to him yet. Even though he bought it with his “own” money, he has not started off strong at school. I want to make sure he is focusing on his schoolwork. Giving him a new video game this soon into the semester does not seem like a good idea. How do I withhold it from him considering he “bought” it? -- School First, Games Second, Baltimore

DEAR SCHOOL FIRST, GAMES SECOND: Make parameters for when your sons can play video games that include their homework schedules. Before they push back, establish the rules and explain why you have made them: namely, that there are too many distractions out there for them to stay the course at school without supervision from you. Being able to play video games, including new ones, is contingent upon them completing their work.

It doesn’t matter who made the purchase; you remain the parent. Enforce your rules by stating them and explaining that when they are followed, your sons get incentives, such as the new game that’s waiting for them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I post a lot on social media, which is fun. It got me in a bit of hot water this summer, though. I was driving with my family and posting shots along the way. When I got to my destination, I started getting messages from people who live there asking me if we could get together. I had already planned my trip, and we didn’t have time to visit with the people who were getting in touch with me. I felt kind of bad about it, but what could I do?

My husband is always telling me I shouldn’t post so much. He likes flying under the radar. He used this experience to do an “I told you so.” I get that there can be awkward moments, but I also don’t think I have to see everybody who asks me just because they are tracking me on social media. How should I handle this in the future if people who see my posts want to get together? -- On the Grid, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR ON THE GRID: Some people post their experiences on a slight delay so they aren’t revealing their lives in real time. You can consider waiting until you get home to share your story. The added benefit here is that people in your hometown don’t know when you are away, so it could keep your home safer, too.

You can also not respond to people who are reaching out as you are on an adventure. You can even post that you won’t be answering people’s inquiries until you finish your trip. That should do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has taken to dyeing his hair black. Never mind he has had white hair for about 10 years. Going all the way to black looks pretty severe to me. When I have suggested he go for a softer color, he balked. He said it doesn’t matter if people knew him with white hair, and he is dyeing it himself. He lets it fade and colors it when he feels like it, so it’s kind of messy.

I want to figure out how to support him through this period, which kind of feels like a midlife crisis. If he’s going to do it, I think he should take it more seriously so he doesn’t look crazy. I suppose I should be happy he didn’t go out and buy a luxury car or something. Still, he looks kind of strange. How can I help him? -- Good Wife, Milwaukee

DEAR GOOD WIFE: Rather than complain about how sloppy or crazy you think your husband looks, offer to help him maintain his new look. If he is doing at-home dyeing, offer to be his colorist. Read the box and follow the directions. It can be a fun way for the two of you to bond. Once your husband gets comfortable with your help, you may be able to introduce a slight color change. Go to the store and study the different colors offered. Often the colors presented for men include touch-up brushes for mustaches and beards too.

Have fun with your husband during this time. He will appreciate your welcoming of his quirky idea to recapture a moment of youth. If you help him figure out a color and maintenance schedule that keeps him looking consistent, you may even get used to his new look.