DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a business conference this summer and met several people who know my older brother. When they heard my name, they asked if my brother and I were siblings. I was happy to meet people who were connected to my family. Later in the evening, after everybody had had a few drinks, these same people let loose and started telling me terrible stories about my brother. One guy told me that my brother had stolen money from the job and was fired as a result. Another guy told me my brother was known to be rude and loud on the job and, even though he is smart, many people didn’t like working with him.

I knew my brother had lost his job, but he said he was laid off because of budget cuts. I feel so bad for him. I’m also worried about my reputation. So far I have done well in my career. I don’t want my brother’s bad behavior to impact me. What can I do? -- Guilt by Association, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR GUILT BY ASSOCIATION: What you can and must do is your best on the job. You have to build your own reputation for the way that you work and interact with others. People may look at you skeptically at first, but in the end it will be your performance that counts the most.

You can also ask that people not bad-mouth your brother to you. Make it known you love your brother. You are sorry for anything he may have done that rubbed them the wrong way, but that is in the past. You should also tell your brother what these people are saying about him. He has his own reputation to repair. If he has any doubt as to how much work he has to do, you will be doing him a favor, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, by giving him the heads-up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I came home from work today to discover that my electricity was not working. I checked the breakers and everything seemed OK, but nothing worked. I was about to call and yell at the super when it occurred to me that my husband may not have paid the bill. I called him, and sure enough that was it. We paid right away but lost most of the food that we had just bought.

I am livid. This points to how poorly we have been managing our money for quite some time now. We need to have a serious conversation about our finances, but I haven’t been able to get my husband to participate. What can I say to start the conversation? -- Last Straw, Syracuse, New York

DEAR LAST STRAW: Ask your husband if he will give you 30 minutes to talk about family business. Point out that you think it is necessary for the two of you to create a budget that you both follow and that includes dates of when bills need to be paid. Ask him if he will work with you on this so you don’t lose your power or even your home due to neglect. Plead if necessary, and offer to do whatever you can to set it up so that it's easy for both of you to follow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been about the same size since we got married, more than 20 years ago. I have gained quite a bit of weight. We have a scale that talks. I heard my husband weigh himself and, to my horror, I heard he weighs less than I do.

I know I have to do something to get my weight under control. I’m too embarrassed to talk to him about it. My husband has been so disciplined over the years with exercise and diet. I can’t bear getting a lecture from him. But I do need to take action to get my body together. What do you recommend? -- Overweight, Milwaukee

DEAR OVERWEIGHT: You don’t have to talk about your weight. Action is the most important step. Start by going to your doctor to get a physical. Learn whether you have any serious health concerns that need to be addressed. Ask if you should see a nutritionist. This health professional can help you to manage your diet, which is key to losing weight.

Start moving your body every single day. The easiest free thing you can do is walk. Get some good walking shoes or sneakers and start your day a little earlier so you can walk. Start off slowly, going as far as is comfortable. Build up to 10,000 steps, about 5 miles. Get a pedometer of some kind to track your movement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a very nice guy for about a year. He is super-ambitious and consistent. I know he likes me a lot, and the feeling is mutual. He is getting a master’s degree and working hard to improve his life. The problem is, he lost his apartment more than two years ago and now lives in a men’s shelter. I didn’t know that at first. It’s not that he hid it from me. But as you can imagine, he didn’t talk about it when we first met. I can tell he’s going places and getting his life together. I’m sure he won’t be there forever.

When I’ve told my friends about him, including his living conditions, they say I’m crazy and should run for the hills. They called him a loser who can never provide for me. I’m not looking for someone to “provide for me," though my guess is that he will be able to take care of both of us in due time. How do I manage my friends’ judgment? I don’t want to lose them or him. -- Being Judged, Harlem, New York

DEAR BEING JUDGED: If you feel like you want to be with this man, make that clear to him and to your friends. Encourage your boyfriend to continue on his journey of improving his life. Let your friends know you appreciate him for all he is, including how he is working to get out of his current living conditions. Ask them to stop judging him on where he lays his head or how much money is in his pocket. You believe in him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends just came on to me, and I’m not sure how to handle it. I love her, for sure. We have been close friends for more than 10 years. I feel so stupid because I didn’t even know she was gay. We have talked about my boyfriends over the years. I just broke up with a guy I dated for three years. She mostly skirts the issue when I ask her about dating. She talks about being busy with work and other things. I never pressed her. I was shocked when we hung out at my house and she tried to kiss me. I flinched, and the moment got way awkward.

We haven’t talked about it since, but I think we need to. I value her friendship. Even though I don’t want to have a romantic relationship with her, I still love her. And I don’t care if she’s gay. I just am not interested in her in that way. What can I say to her that won’t hurt her feelings? -- Fractured Friendship, Atlanta

DEAR FRACTURE FRIENDSHIP: Start by telling her exactly what you told me. Remind her how much you love her and how important your friendship is. Tell her you were startled when she tried to kiss you because you didn’t know she was gay or that she was interested in you. Apologize for hurting her feelings because you didn’t want to kiss her.

Reiterate that you want your friendship with her to remain strong and that you felt it was important to talk about this directly because you don’t want anything to stand in the way of your bond. Ask her to tell you how she’s feeling. Encourage her to talk about her life. She may need to expand the conversation you have been having to include her romantic life as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 11-year-old son fancies himself an artist. In his school they have made all kinds of projects, and over the summer we sent him to an art camp to support his interests. The thing is that the camp counselors gave us, his parents, a report similar to what we already thought: He has limited talent. He is eager to work on whatever he is told to do, but so far his work is uninspired, even pedestrian.

Should my husband and I continue to act as if our son has talent, or should we be honest? I fear that in this world of the internet and gazillions of talent shows, we aren’t doing him any favors pretending he’s the next Picasso when it’s doubtful that he could even sell his work on the street. -- Not an Artist, Philadelphia

DEAR NOT AN ARTIST: I would not discourage him. Let him see his teacher’s reports so he knows how he is being evaluated, but also let him explore his creativity. Today it’s art. Tomorrow it could easily be something else. If he shows interest in other areas, offer to send him to a class so he can learn more about whatever that might be.