DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a teenage daughter who has been lovely thus far. When people have warned me about how teens turn on their parents, I’ve shrugged it off. I figure if I focus on the positive, we can create space for less drama. Because this is my attitude, I find myself in an uncomfortable place.

My daughter has begun to be very snippy with me, and it turns out she hasn’t been honest. As we were getting ready for school to start, I discovered she had not completed her summer homework. She had months to get it done and ended up cramming it in the two weeks leading up to school. I was so angry. There were some tense words between us. I took her phone away from her until she got the work done. What else can I do to keep her on track? -- Drop the Attitude, Denver

DEAR DROP THE ATTITUDE: You can still focus on the positive and point out to your daughter that her life will be more productive and pleasant if she manages her time better and meets her deadlines. You can help by letting her know you will be checking in with her daily to ensure she completes her assignments on time. She will not appreciate this. You can let her know you must monitor her work daily until you see she is on top of it.

Give her a month of daily check-ins. After that time, if she is doing well consistently, you can move to weekly check-ins. If she does not complete assignments in a timely manner or with enough attention, take away privileges -- from the phone to spending time with friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going out with a nice guy for a few months. He is very old school in that he brings me a gift of some kind at each date. There’s something sweet about this, but also something annoying. I can’t quite pinpoint it. I guess what I like is his attentiveness, but I don’t eat chocolate. I don’t like tchotchkes. I have a modern, streamlined life. Somehow he doesn’t seem to notice what I like. Do I say anything to him about his gifts? I feel bad continuing to accept things that I throw away when I get home. -- Bad Presents, Laurel, Maryland

DEAR BAD PRESENTS: It is good to be honest in a tender way. You might tell this man you appreciate that he brings you gifts all the time, but it really isn’t necessary. Suggest you get to know each other better so you can figure out each other's interests. If he asks why, you can admit you don’t eat chocolate, even though it was a lovely thought. Don’t go down the list of all that you don’t like, though. Make it fun so you discover each other’s preferences. When you give him a gift, be sure it’s something you know he will like!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was doing the laundry and found a condom in my 16-year-old son’s jeans pocket. I was in shock. My husband and I have talked to him about sex, and they have discussed it at school too, but I never expected he would be sexually active this young. I know I can’t control his behavior, but he is not a mature kid. I can’t imagine this is going to turn out well. I suppose I should be happy he has a condom, but I’m worried. How can I talk to him about this without alienating him? I need to know what’s going on. -- In My Face, Boston

DEAR IN MY FACE: Without judgment, sit down and tell your son you need to talk. Let him know you found the condom in his pocket. Ask him if he is sexually active now. This is important, as having a condom doesn’t mean he’s using it. Ask him who his partner is if he says yes. Then tell him you know this is an uncomfortable conversation, but you need to have it.

Encourage him to tell you what he’s doing. Acknowledge the value of using a condom. At the same time, discourage him from being that intimate with another at this age. Point out that taking relationships slowly and getting to know a person well is most important. Have your husband talk to him too. If he is sexually active, you probably can’t stop it, so have a more in-depth conversation about STD prevention and pregnancy prevention.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a huge argument with a woman who used to be a close friend. I had backed away from her a few years ago because I found her to be extremely negative. She would constantly talk about other people in the nastiest ways. I didn’t want to listen to any of that. Even though we don’t talk much, I contacted her recently to refer a potential business contact to her. That turned out to be a bad idea. She didn’t appreciate the referral. When we talked about it, she then went in on me, talking about me like a dog. That ended our friendship as far as I was concerned.

I saw her walking down the street the other day and didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure if it would turn into an argument, so I turned my head and didn’t go over to speak to her. Should I have talked to her? -- Friendship Gone Bad, New York City

DEAR FRIENDSHIP GONE BAD: There is nothing wrong with walking away from a potential altercation. If you believe the friendship is finished, you had no obligation to go over and speak to this woman. If you happen to see her again and it would be awkward not to speak, you can be cordial and say hello but keep moving. Do not stop to engage if you have nothing to talk about with her. Don’t leave space for another blowup.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has a gambling problem. She has a great job, so thus far we haven’t lost that much, but she’s getting out of control. Last week, she went to a local casino, got drunk, spent whatever money she had and was discovered in the parking lot by a security guard. I was then called to come get her.

I don’t know what’s going on that’s making her go off the deep end even more. What’s worse is that I don’t know how to help her. Whenever I bring it up, she shrugs it off like she’s just having some fun. I’m afraid she will get hurt or lose her job if she gets any more reckless. How can I reel her in? -- Out of Control, Pittsburgh

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: When people are living in a state of addiction, it is often impossible for them to hear the voice of reason. This does not mean that you should stop trying to be heard. With compassion, tell your wife during a sober moment how her drinking and gambling are hurting you and your marriage. Give her specific examples of how her behavior has embarrassed you, cost you money and impacted your bond. Do not chastise her for her actions. Speak in an even, clear tone so she is able to hear you. Tell her how disappointed you are that she continues to make choices that hurt the family. Ask her to get help to stop. For more ideas on staging an intervention, visit http://www.paproblemgambling.com/for-friends-and-family/#tips-for-friends-and-family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is super healthy, and I have always been kind of sickly. Whenever I have a health issue, he is quick to tell me what vitamins I should be taking and what I have been doing wrong. Because of how he acts, I haven’t told him that I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. I take medicine daily, and it is under control, but I didn’t inform him because I didn’t want to get another lecture about what I’m doing wrong.

This became an issue earlier this summer when we rented a house with friends and one of them commented on my medicine in the medicine cabinet. It was innocent enough. The friend asked who was taking this particular med because he was taking it too. That set my husband off on a rant that embarrassed me terribly. Now he is accusing me of keeping things from him. How can I defuse this situation? -- Hidden Meds, Tallahassee, Florida

DEAR HIDDEN MEDS: Have a serious sit-down with your husband where you explain that the reason you did not tell him about your condition is that you are tired of him criticizing you about your health. Tell him you wish he would be your partner and support you as you deal with whatever challenges come your way, but that you are unwilling to fill him in on the details of your health if the guaranteed reaction is judgment on his part. It’s his choice.