DEAR HARRIETTE: I was doing the laundry and found a condom in my 16-year-old son’s jeans pocket. I was in shock. My husband and I have talked to him about sex, and they have discussed it at school too, but I never expected he would be sexually active this young. I know I can’t control his behavior, but he is not a mature kid. I can’t imagine this is going to turn out well. I suppose I should be happy he has a condom, but I’m worried. How can I talk to him about this without alienating him? I need to know what’s going on. -- In My Face, Boston

DEAR IN MY FACE: Without judgment, sit down and tell your son you need to talk. Let him know you found the condom in his pocket. Ask him if he is sexually active now. This is important, as having a condom doesn’t mean he’s using it. Ask him who his partner is if he says yes. Then tell him you know this is an uncomfortable conversation, but you need to have it.

Encourage him to tell you what he’s doing. Acknowledge the value of using a condom. At the same time, discourage him from being that intimate with another at this age. Point out that taking relationships slowly and getting to know a person well is most important. Have your husband talk to him too. If he is sexually active, you probably can’t stop it, so have a more in-depth conversation about STD prevention and pregnancy prevention.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a huge argument with a woman who used to be a close friend. I had backed away from her a few years ago because I found her to be extremely negative. She would constantly talk about other people in the nastiest ways. I didn’t want to listen to any of that. Even though we don’t talk much, I contacted her recently to refer a potential business contact to her. That turned out to be a bad idea. She didn’t appreciate the referral. When we talked about it, she then went in on me, talking about me like a dog. That ended our friendship as far as I was concerned.

I saw her walking down the street the other day and didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure if it would turn into an argument, so I turned my head and didn’t go over to speak to her. Should I have talked to her? -- Friendship Gone Bad, New York City

DEAR FRIENDSHIP GONE BAD: There is nothing wrong with walking away from a potential altercation. If you believe the friendship is finished, you had no obligation to go over and speak to this woman. If you happen to see her again and it would be awkward not to speak, you can be cordial and say hello but keep moving. Do not stop to engage if you have nothing to talk about with her. Don’t leave space for another blowup.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has a gambling problem. She has a great job, so thus far we haven’t lost that much, but she’s getting out of control. Last week, she went to a local casino, got drunk, spent whatever money she had and was discovered in the parking lot by a security guard. I was then called to come get her.

I don’t know what’s going on that’s making her go off the deep end even more. What’s worse is that I don’t know how to help her. Whenever I bring it up, she shrugs it off like she’s just having some fun. I’m afraid she will get hurt or lose her job if she gets any more reckless. How can I reel her in? -- Out of Control, Pittsburgh

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: When people are living in a state of addiction, it is often impossible for them to hear the voice of reason. This does not mean that you should stop trying to be heard. With compassion, tell your wife during a sober moment how her drinking and gambling are hurting you and your marriage. Give her specific examples of how her behavior has embarrassed you, cost you money and impacted your bond. Do not chastise her for her actions. Speak in an even, clear tone so she is able to hear you. Tell her how disappointed you are that she continues to make choices that hurt the family. Ask her to get help to stop. For more ideas on staging an intervention, visit http://www.paproblemgambling.com/for-friends-and-family/#tips-for-friends-and-family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is super healthy, and I have always been kind of sickly. Whenever I have a health issue, he is quick to tell me what vitamins I should be taking and what I have been doing wrong. Because of how he acts, I haven’t told him that I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. I take medicine daily, and it is under control, but I didn’t inform him because I didn’t want to get another lecture about what I’m doing wrong.

This became an issue earlier this summer when we rented a house with friends and one of them commented on my medicine in the medicine cabinet. It was innocent enough. The friend asked who was taking this particular med because he was taking it too. That set my husband off on a rant that embarrassed me terribly. Now he is accusing me of keeping things from him. How can I defuse this situation? -- Hidden Meds, Tallahassee, Florida

DEAR HIDDEN MEDS: Have a serious sit-down with your husband where you explain that the reason you did not tell him about your condition is that you are tired of him criticizing you about your health. Tell him you wish he would be your partner and support you as you deal with whatever challenges come your way, but that you are unwilling to fill him in on the details of your health if the guaranteed reaction is judgment on his part. It’s his choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has just had surgery. His wife contacted a group of us to let us know it was happening and that she would keep us updated as to his condition. She promised to email us after he got out of surgery, but she didn’t. I have been crazy with worry. Finally I wrote to the group, excluding her, to find out if anybody had heard anything. I didn’t want to worry her in case anything bad had happened to her husband.

She got back to me eventually, and I let the group know that he is OK. But then she wasn’t happy that I had talked to them independent of her. I feel like I can’t do anything right. All I wanted to do was help support my friend in this difficult time. She is so stressed out that she isn’t keep us updated so well, even though she said she would, and she asked us not to communicate with him. This is going to be a long road back to recovery. How can I be helpful without being overbearing? -- Friend in Deed, San Jose, California

DEAR FRIEND IN DEED: Talk to your friend's wife and ask for her advice. Tell her you want to be helpful, just like everybody she originally contacted. Explain that you need a bit more guidance in order to help rather than annoy her. Offer to be the conduit to communicate with the others when she has information to share. Remind her that her group of friends is ready to do anything she needs. Ask for her blessing for you to continue to check in with her regularly so you can help with whatever task is before her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is going to college next year, and we are going to need financial aid to pay for tuition. We have known this for years, but my husband is dragging his feet. He hasn’t filed his income taxes for years. I’ve tried to get him to file with me, but he shrugs it off. It’s odd because he has a job and gets a W-2 form, but he is slow and stubborn. The paperwork can’t be completed without him, but I don’t think we are going to get it. Is there any way around him? I don’t want to deprive our son of this chance at a better life. -- Despite Dad, Milwaukee

DEAR DESPITE DAD: If your husband is unwilling to file his taxes, your son will not be able to fill out the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) forms to be considered for federal aid. The rules are strict. Your son may be able to apply for academic scholarships that are not based on need. The alternative is to wait until your son turns 24. Then he will be considered legally independent, and he can apply for financial aid on his own. For more information, see https://fafsa.ed.gov/.