DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has just had surgery. His wife contacted a group of us to let us know it was happening and that she would keep us updated as to his condition. She promised to email us after he got out of surgery, but she didn’t. I have been crazy with worry. Finally I wrote to the group, excluding her, to find out if anybody had heard anything. I didn’t want to worry her in case anything bad had happened to her husband.

She got back to me eventually, and I let the group know that he is OK. But then she wasn’t happy that I had talked to them independent of her. I feel like I can’t do anything right. All I wanted to do was help support my friend in this difficult time. She is so stressed out that she isn’t keep us updated so well, even though she said she would, and she asked us not to communicate with him. This is going to be a long road back to recovery. How can I be helpful without being overbearing? -- Friend in Deed, San Jose, California

DEAR FRIEND IN DEED: Talk to your friend's wife and ask for her advice. Tell her you want to be helpful, just like everybody she originally contacted. Explain that you need a bit more guidance in order to help rather than annoy her. Offer to be the conduit to communicate with the others when she has information to share. Remind her that her group of friends is ready to do anything she needs. Ask for her blessing for you to continue to check in with her regularly so you can help with whatever task is before her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is going to college next year, and we are going to need financial aid to pay for tuition. We have known this for years, but my husband is dragging his feet. He hasn’t filed his income taxes for years. I’ve tried to get him to file with me, but he shrugs it off. It’s odd because he has a job and gets a W-2 form, but he is slow and stubborn. The paperwork can’t be completed without him, but I don’t think we are going to get it. Is there any way around him? I don’t want to deprive our son of this chance at a better life. -- Despite Dad, Milwaukee

DEAR DESPITE DAD: If your husband is unwilling to file his taxes, your son will not be able to fill out the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) forms to be considered for federal aid. The rules are strict. Your son may be able to apply for academic scholarships that are not based on need. The alternative is to wait until your son turns 24. Then he will be considered legally independent, and he can apply for financial aid on his own. For more information, see https://fafsa.ed.gov/.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old daughter wants to get her nose and eyebrow pierced. Her best friend from school just did it, and now she thinks it’s her turn. I think it’s a terrible idea. I think it will limit her options for work before she even figures out what she wants to do in her life.

I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but I think my job as her mother is to help guide her to make smart choices as she grows up. This is difficult to do when her peers are being allowed to make other decisions. How can I keep my daughter following the path we laid out for her, given all of the outside factors? -- Pierced, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PIERCED: Your job is to guide your daughter and to set restrictions while she is still a minor. You have the legal right to prohibit her from getting these additional piercings, at least for now. In the best of worlds, you won’t have to use that card, though.

Instead, talk to your daughter about her choices. Tell her about the range of career opportunities before her, and point out that in some fields multiple piercings and tattoos can prove to be a deterrent. Let her know that some fields allow them as well, but your job is to help her have as many options as possible until she is ready to choose her path. Encourage her to wait to make any permanent markings or holes in her body until she has reached the stage of knowing what she wants to do with her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I belong to a social club that hosts monthly gatherings for all its members. We rotate who will host each meeting, and it’s a lot of fun. A couple of the members are well-off, and they have been competing with each other for who can make the fanciest affair. I think it has gotten out of hand. If one hosts at a four-star restaurant, the other hires an in-house chef to prepare a six-course meal. What used to be girlfriends getting together to enjoy each other’s company has turned into a reality show.

I don’t like it anymore. I’ve been thinking about leaving the group, but I feel bad that two women could spoil it for all of us. Do I dare say anything to the rest of the group? I want the shenanigans to stop. -- Back to Normal, Glen Cove, New York

DEAR BACK TO NORMAL: Call a meeting of your club’s leadership and express your concerns. Explain that you think it’s important for the camaraderie to come before the pageantry. Find out if others share your view. Ask if you can bring your concerns to the whole group. Be thoughtful and strategic. Point out that what started out as fun competition seems to have turned into something unhealthy for the group. Ask everyone if they would like to go back to simpler activities. Be sure to include the two reality stars in your decision-making. They may not realize how far out of hand they have gotten.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who loves to take photos and videos with her phone. No matter where we are or what we are doing, we catch her posting and even streaming live. It’s crazy. Last week, my other friends and I caught her posting in the bathroom at a restaurant where we were eating. Don’t get me wrong. We all like to take pictures and post sometimes, but she has taken it to a different level. We want her to stop including us in these posts. What can we say or do to get her to give us some privacy? -- Out of Bounds, Denver

DEAR OUT OF BOUNDS: Tell your friend that if she posts any more pictures of you without your permission, you won’t invite her to hang out with you in the future. You have to make good on your threat. If she does stream or post and you spot yourself, tell her she violated your agreement and you don’t want to see her for a while. If you get the rest of your friends to reinforce the temporary friend ban, she may get the message.

In this day and age, when every moment can be captured and shared, you cannot control much. You should be able to come to an agreement on boundaries of privacy with your close friends. Otherwise, you have the right to exclude them from your inner circle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son promised to do his summer homework throughout the summer. Whenever my husband and I would ask how he was progressing, he said he was doing fine. Today I discovered he has so much more work to do, and school is about to start. Even if he works four hours a day, he probably won’t be finished in time, and now it will be cramming rather than pacing it all out.

I am so disappointed in him. We were clear about what he had to do in order to have certain privileges. Now, as parents, we look like idiots because we trusted him. What can we do now to get him on track? -- Wayward Son, Boston

DEAR WAYWARD SON: Children, especially teenagers, need to be monitored. Asking if a child has completed work is not enough. You need the child to show you proof. What you can do now and into the school year is to limit privileges until the work is done. For now, take away his phone and other electronics. Have him work nonstop on the assignments that are due so that he can complete them. Check over his work daily -- even if you don’t fully understand it. Make sure he did the work from beginning to end.

When school starts, be sure to continue to pay attention to his assignments and verify that he is doing the work daily. Be in touch with his teachers, and work together to help set a good work schedule that your son can follow. Let him use his cellphone only when he has proven to you he is taking his schoolwork seriously.