DEAR HARRIETTE: I see a man who lives in my building almost every morning when I go out for my morning walk. He is standing at the gate when I leave and standing right there when I return. I always greet him, which is fine. The other day it was a little weird. He told me he has noticed me doing my exercise and that I’m looking good. That was nice, but then he pointed at my belly and told me if I keep on walking, I will lose that too.

I didn’t ask for his comments and really thought he crossed the line. He does nothing all day but stand and watch. Never mind that he is grossly overweight. And he’s standing there watching and judging me. I didn’t like that. I didn’t say anything because I had no idea what to say. If he makes a comment like that again, what should I do? -- Crossing the Line, Bronx, New York

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: This man is living vicariously through you. As inappropriate and awkward as it may be for you to have to see him each day and endure his watchful eye and comments, it would be great if you could brush it off. For whatever reason, he is not moving his body, and you are. You are improving your health, and he is a bystander watching you transform yourself. Take it in stride. If he talks about your body again, either ignore him or tell him in a lighthearted tone that you would prefer it if he would keep the comments to himself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family reunion is coming up, and I don’t want to go. The past year has been a mess for me. My wife left me. I lost my job, and I’ve been temping for the past six months. I have no good news to contribute, and I don’t feel like answering a whole bunch of questions.

I know my family means well, but when you are in my position, the last thing you want to do is talk about your misery. Or at least that’s true for me. My mother is getting up in age, and she is set on having me pick her up and take her to the reunion. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to disappoint her, but I don’t want to have to talk to people, either. -- Keeping My Distance, Roanoke, Virginia

DEAR KEEPING MY DISTANCE: I want to remind you that most people like to talk about themselves, including your family members. You can likely go to the reunion, help your mother and divert most conversations back to the person talking. When asked how you are doing, you can say “OK,” and ask about them. Ask about their children, jobs and lives.

Most people get caught up in their own stories and don’t notice that you haven’t told your own. If you are asked where your wife is, just say she didn’t come. In time, you can let others know what’s going on with you, if you choose. What’s essential is that your mother must agree not to talk about your circumstances. Otherwise, it won’t work.

DEAR READERS: It is September 11 again. I will never forget that day 16 years ago, when time stopped and the world as we knew it changed. I live in Manhattan, and my office is in the Village, far enough away from Wall Street to be “safe” from the explosion and destruction of the Twin Towers, but close enough to see them burning and disintegrating as they fell. I remember seeing throngs of New Yorkers standing in the street on Sixth Avenue -- Avenue of the Americas -- looking downtown, incredulous at what was playing out before their eyes. I remember.

Americans live in a bubble in many ways. We had largely been immune to terrorist activity on our shores -- at least as far as we knew. We had a false belief that really bad things happen to other people in other places, but not here.

We have always had homegrown activity that has been disturbing, violent, mean-spirited and deadly. But somehow we have not connected to that in the same way that we rallied around 9/11. Because people came from the outside to do us harm, we paid attention differently.

For years people avoided the date of 9/11 when hosting special events. It was as if that date was reserved for mourning. It was not to be engaged for anything that required a memory. A friend of mine scheduled her wedding for that date, and I recall thinking how eerie of her to make that choice.

This year, 9/11 marks the first day of school for my daughter and thousands of other children in our country. It has become, in some ways, just another day. Of course, we continue to honor those whose lives were lost as we collectively sharpen our resolve to ward off terrorism. At the same time, the date itself has been released, a bit, to be used by others as they live their lives.

I have given this some thought, wondering what it all means for us as a nation, as a culture, as members of a global community, as parts of families, as individuals. On one hand, this date will remain symbolic of a serious wake-up call for Americans. We need to pay attention to the whole world, to better understand the concerns and grievances throughout, so we can support peace and understanding. Lofty, but necessary. It also means, from my perspective, that we must live our lives on a daily basis conscious of how our thoughts, words and deeds impact others. We have the opportunity to bring new meaning to even the darkest days.

Even 9/11 can be reimagined as a beginning. For my daughter, it’s the first day of school. For others of us, it can be the day that we choose to connect more meaningfully with our neighbors. With so much negativity clouding our world, we have a responsibility to bring the light of our best selves to each moment. When we do that, we create space for honest and attentive dialogue. We open the door for collaboration rather than destruction. We build on this great experiment in democracy that is our great nation. Join me in claiming this day as a chance to build on our greatness!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was previously married, in my early 20s. My current husband and I have been married for more than 20 years. Because that previous life is from so long ago, I don’t think about it or talk about it at all. However, it came up recently because I ran into a college friend who knew my previous beau and me.

I have two children who were in earshot of the conversation that involved my ex. I have never told my children about my previous marriage. I wasn’t keeping it a secret; it’s just that it ended a lifetime ago, and we didn’t have children, so it’s over. Now that they may have heard something, I think I should tell them. How do I broach this subject? I feel like they will be sad to learn I was married to somebody before their dad. -- Before Dad, Arlington, Virginia

DEAR BEFORE DAD: By all means, tell your children about your previous marriage. You don’t have to give all the details, though. Choose what you want to share, which should include highlights of how you met, when you married and why you broke up. It is important for you to tell your children so they are empowered with the knowledge and are never left flat-footed if someone approaches them about your past.

In terms of managing their surprise and potential disappointment, be honest with them. You dated and married someone before marrying your husband. Sadly, it didn’t work out. Obviously, you value marriage and are saddened you had a failed marriage, but you are also enormously grateful you met and married your husband and created the beautiful family you have, which includes the two of them. Point out that you hope they will meet their perfect life partner and be able to build a life with that person forever, but acknowledge that things don’t always work out exactly as planned.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need to make some extra money, and I proposed to my husband and my neighbors that we have a yard sale. I figured if we did it together, we could draw more sales. Plus, it wouldn’t just be about me.

My husband thinks it’s a silly idea, even though he knows we are broke. My two closest neighbors loved the idea. We are planning a yard sale for two weeks from now, before the weather changes. I want my husband to be happier about it, though. How can I get him to be on my team? -- Sell it All, Towson, Maryland

DEAR SELL IT ALL: Get organized. The better prepared you are for the sale, the easier it will be for your husband to take note of how it’s working and help, if he chooses to do so.

Make written lists of the items you plan to sell. Invite his input for pricing. Inquire about any old items he may want to contribute. Don’t give him any big responsibilities on the day of the event, but be sure to invite him to be a part of it. Throughout the day, let him know how it’s going. If it is successful, he will likely become more interested and accepting of your creative idea.