life

Recent Grad Living at Home Can't Find Work

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 7th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son graduated from college in May. He did well in school and had a few internships. He has been at home since graduation, actively looking for a job but has found nothing. My husband gave him six months to find a job or find a new place to live. I know our son has been working hard at it, but so far no luck.

I fear in a couple of months my husband will make good on his demand and throw my son out if he hasn’t yet found work. I don’t want to start a fight with my husband, but I think that we may need to give my son a bit more time. I keep reading about how tough it is for young people to find work. Several of his friends have found jobs, but more are just like him, searching. What can I say to my husband to get him to extend the clock on our son’s time at home? -- Tick Tock, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TICK TOCK: Encourage your son to speak to your husband. The best way for this to be handled is for your son to present his argument for why he would appreciate being able to stay at home until he gets on his feet. This should include your son being prepared to tell his father what interviews he has had and how they went, what he learned and what his strategy is for the coming weeks. He needs to be able to project how he will seek out work until he finds it.

This may involve looking in his field of interest and also looking for part-time work so he can have money to contribute to the family budget. When your son shows his maturity and commitment to being responsible, it should inspire your husband to want to extend his deadline.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Friends Want Tour of Building

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 7th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a historic part of my city, in a building that was made famous because it was used in a couple of big feature films. Whenever people ask me where I live and I tell them, they want to come for a tour. I am a private person, and I do not want to do this.

I am not fancy. I live a simple life even though I live in a nice building. I don’t want my home or myself to be on display. When I decline to bring people on tours of my home, they often get indignant and say I’m being a snob. I resent that. Why should I have to open my home to people I don’t even know? -- Stay Out, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR STAY OUT: You do not have to invite anyone to your home. It really is that simple. What complicates your situation is you talk about where you live, and that draws attention and interest to the building and to you. Stop talking about it. Divert the conversation when your building comes up. When asked, just kindly say no. You have no obligation to invite strangers or others into your home.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Subscriber Troubled by Missing Newspaper

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 6th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Somebody in my building is stealing my newspaper. Yes, I’m one of the few people who still like to get the paper delivered on the weekend. To be fair, I have been traveling a bit, so I haven’t been home on certain weekends. When I have returned, the paper has never been there.

But this weekend I was home. I got up early in the morning to go downstairs to get my paper -- because the paper is not delivered to my door, but to the lobby -- and it wasn’t there. Somebody is getting up early to steal my paper. I don’t want to give up on this one indulgence I have left, but I also don’t want to pay for something I don’t get. What can I do? -- Paper Hawker, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR PAPER HAWKER: Because your paper is delivered to a common area, it may be difficult for you to figure out who the thief is. You can ask other neighbors who subscribe to newspapers if they have had any interruptions in their delivery. Ask them also to keep an eye open for your paper, as it has been missing of late. Consider stopping delivery for a while. Perhaps whoever is stealing will lose interest.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Kids' Keepsakes Create Clutter

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 6th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My twin sons are now 10 years old. I have every drawing and sculpture they have created since they were born. My house is overflowing with this stuff. Meanwhile, they are on to Legos and electronic toys.

I need to get rid of some of their old projects, but I feel guilty. They don’t seem to be attached to much of it, but I think about when they get older. I bet I will want to pull out some of these projects to show them. I can’t figure out what to do. What do you recommend? -- Memorabilia, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR MEMORABILIA: Make technology your new best friend! Take digital photos of your children’s artifacts and store them in a folder that is appropriately titled. When something is very special, invite your boys to tell you a story about the item. Videotape the story as they show the item, and store that away.

For artwork or sculpture that seems particularly impressive, keep those precious items and make them display pieces for your home. Or you can even pack those away in a specially marked box to pull out and “embarrass” your sons when they are adults.

Because you can create a digital record of their journey as children, you will not be throwing away the memories, but instead keepsaking them in a way that is manageable for your physical environment and respectful to the journey you have taken together. It’s a win-win!

Family & Parenting
life

Making Lists Can Help With Packing

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 5th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a heavy packer. It’s pretty bad. I always want to have choices for the activities I’m going to be participating in, so I end up packing two or three outfits per event. Then there are the shoes -- for dress, different colors, for working out, slippers, and a few extras. Plus the makeup and beauty supplies.

I take a long time figuring out what I’m bringing, but I always end up with too much, and then it costs me to ship my bags. It’s a mess. This last trip I went on, I spent more than $100 on my luggage just to get it there and back. I can’t afford to hire somebody to come pack me. What else can I do to cut down on the expenses? -- Overpacker, Portland, Oregon

DEAR OVERPACKER: Making a written list of your activities for your next trip, with spaces for outfits, may help you. Pick out clothing for each activity, and write the description in the space. Choose only one outfit per activity and put it in your bag. Check the list as you pack it so you are clear what’s in the bag. Next, add one or two outfits just because you are accustomed to having a bit extra. Select shoes that can be worn with multiple outfits. Make sure you have heels, flats and athletic shoes. Pack travel-size toiletries.

If you still end up with a heavy load, consider shipping your luggage to your destination. Using the USPS or another shipper may be more affordable than the $25 or more that it can cost per bag on an airplane.

Money
life

Bad First Impression Can Be Forgiven

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 5th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a party with a group of new friends last night, and mostly we had a good time, but one of the guys got really drunk and started acting sloppy. He had seemed so nice before, but after he had been drinking for a few hours, everything went south. He had been talking to me early on, and I thought he might be a potential date. After seeing that he could get sloppy drunk, I was totally turned off.

Does this mean I should write him off, or does he deserve another chance? Everybody who was at the party was drinking and partying and having a good time. He is the only one I noticed who took it too far. -- Second Chance, Detroit

DEAR SECOND CHANCE: When people drink, they run the risk of drinking too much. What you witnessed with this man is not unusual, even though it is disappointing. You must decide whether you think he is interesting enough to get to know better.

If you feel as though there was a special connection between you earlier in the day, perhaps it is worth talking to him again. Let him know the way he behaved after getting drunk was disturbing to you. Watch how he reacts to your comment. Of course, you can forgive him for that one night. You can also decide together to explore whether a friendship is worth cultivating.

AddictionEtiquette & EthicsFriends & NeighborsLove & Dating

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