life

Co-worker Should Focus on Work at the Job

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have spent the past six months working out almost every day. I am proud of myself because I had almost given up. I had gotten to the point where no matter what I did, I wouldn’t lose a pound. To be fair, I was a stop-and-start kind of exerciser. But still, I tried. This year I have been consistent, and it’s finally paying off. I feel good about myself even though it’s going slowly. A colleague of mine has noticed my work and has started to rib me. She is super fit, always eats healthy food and goes to the gym five times a week. She has taken to bragging about her workout whenever I mention anything I have done. I find it annoying and petty. Everybody can see she’s practically a bodybuilder. Why can’t she cut me some slack? I appreciate when people compliment me on my effort. Do I have to stop telling my story in order to get her to lighten up? -- Pushed Aside, Denver

DEAR PUSHED ASIDE: Focus on your job when at work and find other people to validate your fitness efforts in the off-hours. You could ask co-workers to work out with you if there’s someone who seems interested, but otherwise don’t even try to compete for airtime with this woman. You do you. Eat healthy. Continue your workouts, and build a base of support that extends far beyond your office. This will make it easier for you to notice your co-worker, appreciate what she has accomplished and continue on your path to health and fitness.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Unemployed Friend Needs Support

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend got fired from her job last week, and she is flipping out. She says she doesn’t have enough money to pay her rent and to take care of her basic bills. She was working a job that had low pay because she had been out of work for nearly a year when she was laid off the first time. I don’t have any extra money to help her, and I also don’t have space for her to live with me. I am worried she could end up homeless. Right now she is in no state to go on a job interview. She is way too upset. What can I do to support her? I would like to be there for her, but I don’t know what to do. -- Help a Friend, Detroit

DEAR HELP A FRIEND: Be honest and clear with your friend. Tell her you want to help her. Let her know you can’t offer money or shelter, but you can offer a listening ear. You can also ask important questions. If she got laid off, she should be able to collect unemployment insurance. Suggest that she apply immediately so she can get some income to help her during this transition period. Encourage her to get her papers in order and contact any creditors to ask for mercy. Many will offer a grace period for payments if they know what’s going on. Suggest she brush up her resume and think about what skills she can put to work. Through this process, she may calm down enough to begin thinking about next steps.

Friends & NeighborsWork & School
life

Neighbors Don't Follow Apartment Trash Rules

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 2nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building that has strict rules about trash disposal. Tenants are supposed to separate their trash and put it outside in the hallway between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m. each day. The guy who picks it up is always on time.

My next-door neighbors commonly put out their trash at any time of the day or night. They don’t use strong trash bags, either, so depending on what they ate that day or week, the garbage smells regularly fill the hall. I have asked them to follow the directions of the building, but they scoffed at me. Would I be wrong to bring this to management? One time I had guests, and when they got off the elevator they were greeted by rotting food smell. -- Yuk, Detroit

DEAR YUK: Yes, you can speak to management -- but only after reminding your neighbors once more. Point out how bad the hall smells when it is hot and the garbage is sitting out there for hours. Add that roaches and rats gravitate toward such rank smells. See if your appeal works. If not, go directly to your building’s leadership and ask for help. Supplying them with photos and times for when the trash is languishing in the hallway may help.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Former Goody-Two-Shoes Slacks Off on Project

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 2nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been a goody-two-shoes. When I was a kid, I was the one who sat in the front of the room and raised my hand when the teacher asked a question. I have been that girl for most things over the years. Today, though, I find myself in a situation where I feel like the bad kid in school. I’ve been working on a project that I thought would be a lot of fun and enriching. While it is, I feel like my efforts to do a good job consistently fall short of the project leader’s expectations. He is super critical of everything I say and do, and I have found myself retaliating in little ways. Because it never seems like I measure up, I sometimes don’t even try to do the best job. I know this is wrong, but it seems to be a knee-jerk reaction.

Recently, I got called in to my project leader's office and reprimanded because I had not completed a task well enough. I couldn’t defend myself. I’m wondering if I should just leave this project. I’m no longer feeling positive about it. It is so rare that I slack off, I’m thinking this must be a sign that I should go. -- Slacker, Chicago

DEAR SLACKER: Rather than walk away from this project, consider this a wake-up call. Do a self-assessment and project review. What specifically do you think has prompted you not to do your best? Work to isolate that so that you can evaluate how to make a different choice in the future. Pay close attention to your behavior, as you are the only one you can control. You do not need to revert to goody-two-shoes status, but it would be wise for you to understand what made you veer so far off your norm. This will help you to course correct. You may be able to adjust a bit and stay right there, or the signs may tell you it is time to go.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Overweight Co-Workers Impacting Reader's Diet

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 1st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a number of extremely overweight people. They do their work well and seem to manage fine, but they move slowly and complain incessantly about what ails them. One woman can’t walk more than down a hall without stopping to catch her breath. I feel for these people. I can see them growing unhealthier by the day. At the same time, I realize that I have slacked off in my exercise routine and my eating habits. I need to turn this around for myself. Do you think I need to find a new job? Do I dare say anything to my co-workers about their weight and their choices? That feels weird and judgmental. I need to do something. Help! -- Off the Scales, Cleveland

DEAR OFF THE SCALES: Trust your instincts -- do not point out your co-workers’ weight or movement challenges. That is not your business. People change their habits when they are ready. Yes, some people wake up to prompts, but let your prompts be your actions for your own life.

Rather than quitting your job, quit adopting their behaviors. Instead, recommit to your health and fitness plan. Take a walk every day at lunchtime. Bring your lunch and snacks to work, and choose lean, healthy options. You can also invite work friends to walk with you on occasion so that you make space to include them in your commitment to making smart choices for the long run. But do not get upset if nobody joins you. Just keep doing it for yourself -- without talking about it.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & SafetyWork & School
life

Co-Worker's Smelly Feet Getting to Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 1st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: The man who sits in the cubicle across from me has stinky feet. I’m not kidding. He usually takes off his shoes when he is sitting at his desk, and then the whole area near my desk begins to smell. We have no walls, so the air wafts up and over the little half wall and permeates my area. I feel so uncomfortable about it. When people come by my desk, I worry that they may think that this funky smell is mine. I work hard to keep a tidy work space, and this guy is blowing it for everyone. I wonder if he has any idea that his feet smell? I say this because he dresses well and is always neat and seemingly clean, but it all changes when he kicks off his shoes. Can I say something to him? -- Stinky Feet, Boston

DEAR STINKY FEET: If you are certain that your neighbor is the culprit and you believe he is nose-blind to his foot odor, tell him what you suspect -- in private. Let him know that you have noticed that when he takes off his shoes, foot odor permeates the office and travels in to your cubicle. Appeal to his ego, saying that you can tell that he is conscientious about his appearance, so you figured he wasn’t aware of what you think is his foot odor. Tell him you thought he would appreciate knowing so he can do something about it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolHealth & SafetyEtiquette & Ethics

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