DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a number of extremely overweight people. They do their work well and seem to manage fine, but they move slowly and complain incessantly about what ails them. One woman can’t walk more than down a hall without stopping to catch her breath. I feel for these people. I can see them growing unhealthier by the day. At the same time, I realize that I have slacked off in my exercise routine and my eating habits. I need to turn this around for myself. Do you think I need to find a new job? Do I dare say anything to my co-workers about their weight and their choices? That feels weird and judgmental. I need to do something. Help! -- Off the Scales, Cleveland

DEAR OFF THE SCALES: Trust your instincts -- do not point out your co-workers’ weight or movement challenges. That is not your business. People change their habits when they are ready. Yes, some people wake up to prompts, but let your prompts be your actions for your own life.

Rather than quitting your job, quit adopting their behaviors. Instead, recommit to your health and fitness plan. Take a walk every day at lunchtime. Bring your lunch and snacks to work, and choose lean, healthy options. You can also invite work friends to walk with you on occasion so that you make space to include them in your commitment to making smart choices for the long run. But do not get upset if nobody joins you. Just keep doing it for yourself -- without talking about it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The man who sits in the cubicle across from me has stinky feet. I’m not kidding. He usually takes off his shoes when he is sitting at his desk, and then the whole area near my desk begins to smell. We have no walls, so the air wafts up and over the little half wall and permeates my area. I feel so uncomfortable about it. When people come by my desk, I worry that they may think that this funky smell is mine. I work hard to keep a tidy work space, and this guy is blowing it for everyone. I wonder if he has any idea that his feet smell? I say this because he dresses well and is always neat and seemingly clean, but it all changes when he kicks off his shoes. Can I say something to him? -- Stinky Feet, Boston

DEAR STINKY FEET: If you are certain that your neighbor is the culprit and you believe he is nose-blind to his foot odor, tell him what you suspect -- in private. Let him know that you have noticed that when he takes off his shoes, foot odor permeates the office and travels in to your cubicle. Appeal to his ego, saying that you can tell that he is conscientious about his appearance, so you figured he wasn’t aware of what you think is his foot odor. Tell him you thought he would appreciate knowing so he can do something about it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother moved back home after living on his own for about five years. He was living with his girlfriend during that time -- something that I didn’t like so much because she didn’t seem like a good influence. He started being late to work and slacking off in his responsibilities. He hardly called our mother, and did only what his ex wanted. Now, she has dumped him, and he has come back to our family home with his tail between his legs, asking my mother to take him in. I am so mad at him. He is a grown man and needs to act like one. My mother does not deserve to have to tend to his broken heart. She is old and needs to focus on herself. What can I do to get my brother to get his act together? -- Bum Brother, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR BUM BROTHER: You can take the temperature, so to speak, of your mother. Check in with her to see how she feels about having her son back home. Mothers tend to be instinctually territorial about their children and will do anything to help them to be happy, healthy and safe. Your brother is hurting now. Chances are, you couldn’t pry your mother away if you wanted to. You can get a sense of whether your mother is overwhelmed, though. You can also talk to your brother and tell him what you know and believe about your mother’s health. Encourage him to be aware of your mother’s state of being and avoid putting too much responsibility on her. Closely monitor things as they go along.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have subscribed to a couple of dating websites for a few months because I am tired of being alone. I work all the time, so I have little time to go out and meet new people. Plus, some friends have had success meeting nice guys this way. I have gotten a few requests to talk more or even meet, but I’m afraid. I know I have to put myself out there, but what if the guy I pick turns out to be unsavory? How do I protect myself? -- Online Dating Novice, San Jose, California

DEAR ONLINE DATING NOVICE: Take your time. Pick one person who seems particularly compatible, and talk to him. Develop a rapport at a distance. You can use a face-to-face feature offered through the site. Wait to give your personal email address until you feel more at ease. When you feel confident and want to meet, recommend a public location. Do not give him your address. Get to know him slowly. If you are interested, you can meet each other’s friends over time. This, by the way, is what you should do if you meet someone the traditional way, too. Take your time. Use that as your mantra. Get to know the man. Do not become intimate with him. Talk to him. Enjoy his company. Over time, you should be able to sense whether he is an honest person.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I rented a summer house with another couple, and we made a list of agreements for what we can and cannot do. That includes who can spend the night, how many guests we can have at any particular time and responsibility for guests' needs, including for food and drink. We were clear, but that seems to have gone out the window. Our friends keep inviting other friends to come and spend the night. I usually cook, and they all eat without even offering to contribute -- money, dishwashing ... anything! We still have a few weeks left of summer. What can I say to our friends to get them to honor our agreement or make new guidelines that are fair to everyone? -- Duped, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR DUPED: It is time for a “come to Jesus" meeting. Sit down with your housemates and remind them of your agreement -- and how they are breaking it. Appeal to their sense of decency, and point out that it is not fair for them to bring their friends without prior discussion and to have sleepovers with people who aren’t splitting the cost of the house and not pitching in for food, drink, cleanup, etc.

The reality is that many people have guests stop by unannounced at summer homes. A bit of flexibility is a good idea, but being taken advantage of is not. Go over the ground rules that you set up, and implore them to step in line. You may also want to agree to days when guests are welcome and what you expect them to do to prepare for them and to clean up after them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think it’s right for me to have to wash the sheets of the bed of a colleague who stayed in a room that I now have to stay in for a work trip? He spent a week in this room. Now that he's gone, my boss told me that the cleaning lady won’t be back for a week. If I want clean sheets, I need to make that happen.

I am outraged. We aren’t staying in a hotel; we are in a house that is overcrowded. I feel like my colleague should have washed his own sheets. Since he didn’t, it is left to me, even as my boss’s assistant is here and her job is to handle administrative duties. I am one of the highest-ranking members of our team. I just don’t think it’s right. At the same time, I don’t want to be seen as a prima donna or as difficult. What should I do? -- Dirty Sheets, Sag Harbor, New York

DEAR DIRTY SHEETS: Since you have to sleep in the bed, you should wash the sheets just to ensure that they are clean when you lie down. You can also speak to your boss privately to make it known that you don’t think it was fair for this task to be left to you. If no cleaning person was available, the staffer who used the sheets should have prepared them for the next person in line to use that room.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)