DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother moved back home after living on his own for about five years. He was living with his girlfriend during that time -- something that I didn’t like so much because she didn’t seem like a good influence. He started being late to work and slacking off in his responsibilities. He hardly called our mother, and did only what his ex wanted. Now, she has dumped him, and he has come back to our family home with his tail between his legs, asking my mother to take him in. I am so mad at him. He is a grown man and needs to act like one. My mother does not deserve to have to tend to his broken heart. She is old and needs to focus on herself. What can I do to get my brother to get his act together? -- Bum Brother, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR BUM BROTHER: You can take the temperature, so to speak, of your mother. Check in with her to see how she feels about having her son back home. Mothers tend to be instinctually territorial about their children and will do anything to help them to be happy, healthy and safe. Your brother is hurting now. Chances are, you couldn’t pry your mother away if you wanted to. You can get a sense of whether your mother is overwhelmed, though. You can also talk to your brother and tell him what you know and believe about your mother’s health. Encourage him to be aware of your mother’s state of being and avoid putting too much responsibility on her. Closely monitor things as they go along.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have subscribed to a couple of dating websites for a few months because I am tired of being alone. I work all the time, so I have little time to go out and meet new people. Plus, some friends have had success meeting nice guys this way. I have gotten a few requests to talk more or even meet, but I’m afraid. I know I have to put myself out there, but what if the guy I pick turns out to be unsavory? How do I protect myself? -- Online Dating Novice, San Jose, California

DEAR ONLINE DATING NOVICE: Take your time. Pick one person who seems particularly compatible, and talk to him. Develop a rapport at a distance. You can use a face-to-face feature offered through the site. Wait to give your personal email address until you feel more at ease. When you feel confident and want to meet, recommend a public location. Do not give him your address. Get to know him slowly. If you are interested, you can meet each other’s friends over time. This, by the way, is what you should do if you meet someone the traditional way, too. Take your time. Use that as your mantra. Get to know the man. Do not become intimate with him. Talk to him. Enjoy his company. Over time, you should be able to sense whether he is an honest person.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I rented a summer house with another couple, and we made a list of agreements for what we can and cannot do. That includes who can spend the night, how many guests we can have at any particular time and responsibility for guests' needs, including for food and drink. We were clear, but that seems to have gone out the window. Our friends keep inviting other friends to come and spend the night. I usually cook, and they all eat without even offering to contribute -- money, dishwashing ... anything! We still have a few weeks left of summer. What can I say to our friends to get them to honor our agreement or make new guidelines that are fair to everyone? -- Duped, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR DUPED: It is time for a “come to Jesus" meeting. Sit down with your housemates and remind them of your agreement -- and how they are breaking it. Appeal to their sense of decency, and point out that it is not fair for them to bring their friends without prior discussion and to have sleepovers with people who aren’t splitting the cost of the house and not pitching in for food, drink, cleanup, etc.

The reality is that many people have guests stop by unannounced at summer homes. A bit of flexibility is a good idea, but being taken advantage of is not. Go over the ground rules that you set up, and implore them to step in line. You may also want to agree to days when guests are welcome and what you expect them to do to prepare for them and to clean up after them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think it’s right for me to have to wash the sheets of the bed of a colleague who stayed in a room that I now have to stay in for a work trip? He spent a week in this room. Now that he's gone, my boss told me that the cleaning lady won’t be back for a week. If I want clean sheets, I need to make that happen.

I am outraged. We aren’t staying in a hotel; we are in a house that is overcrowded. I feel like my colleague should have washed his own sheets. Since he didn’t, it is left to me, even as my boss’s assistant is here and her job is to handle administrative duties. I am one of the highest-ranking members of our team. I just don’t think it’s right. At the same time, I don’t want to be seen as a prima donna or as difficult. What should I do? -- Dirty Sheets, Sag Harbor, New York

DEAR DIRTY SHEETS: Since you have to sleep in the bed, you should wash the sheets just to ensure that they are clean when you lie down. You can also speak to your boss privately to make it known that you don’t think it was fair for this task to be left to you. If no cleaning person was available, the staffer who used the sheets should have prepared them for the next person in line to use that room.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My colleague invited my husband and me to spend the weekend with her and her family at her country home. She extended the invitation about a month ago, and we were supposed to go this upcoming weekend. I convinced my husband to go with me. He is a homebody, so his preference is always to stay close to home, but he agreed because he really likes my friend.

My friend called me two days ago to say that we can’t come anymore. Some family members had just called to say that they are traveling and will be dropping in to visit with her at the exact time that we were going to be there. I am so disappointed but also angry. We set this plan in place weeks ago. I feel like she should have told her family to come at a different time. She sees them regularly, so it’s not like she couldn’t honor her commitment. Now my husband might never agree to go on a trip like this again. What can I do or say to my colleague? -- Uninvited, Cincinnati

DEAR UNINVITED: I suspect it’s too late for you to get your colleague to reverse her decision again. If it will make you feel better, you may want to let her know how disappointed you are, especially because your husband rarely agrees to venture beyond the homestead. But leave it there. Your friend was caught in an uncomfortable position. You don’t want to make it more challenging for her, especially because it won’t change anything.

Make a focused effort to design a special weekend for your husband and you that includes time at home and also some activity that is outside of your home. Think of something that he would enjoy that might inspire him to want to venture out more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a woman at a luncheon, and she was lovely. We had a nice time talking, and it seemed like she could become a friend. I lost my husband about a year ago, and I have hardly gone out at all, so it was unusual and special to meet someone who seemed compatible with me as a friend. We exchanged numbers, and I called her a couple of days later, but she seemed so different. She didn’t seem to want to talk at all. When I suggested that we schedule a time to have tea or something, she brushed it off. At least that’s how it seemed. Perhaps she was busy that day and didn’t realize she was being abrupt. She still works, while I retired several years ago. Do you think I should give her a second chance and call again in a week or so to see if I get a friendlier response? -- Need a Friend, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR NEED A FRIEND: It is good to give this woman the benefit of the doubt. Consider that you may have caught her on a bad day. Give her some space and call again in a couple of weeks to check in. Be casual when you call. Tell her you were thinking about her and wanted to invite her to get together. It would be great if you have a specific activity in mind that she can react to. If she continues to sound distant and uninterested, stop there. She obviously isn’t interested or ready to welcome you as a new friend. If she sounds genuinely interested, even if she cannot join you, don’t give up on her yet.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)