DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter had a sleepover with her friend, and when I called to check in on her, they were headed out to Coney Island. I am out of town, and I was shocked. I asked if she had gotten permission from my husband, and she said she had permission to go “out.” I explained that “out” is different from traveling nearly an hour to a giant amusement park. She said she understood why I was unhappy.

I allowed her to go, since she was on the train on her way, but I’m wondering what kind of punishment she should be given to reinforce that she must ask before taking significant excursions. I know that this friend has an older sister and generally has more flexibility than I feel comfortable allowing my daughter. -- Reinforcing Boundaries, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR REINFORCING BOUNDARIES: The most immediate thing you could have done would have been to tell your daughter to go back home and not go to Coney Island, since she didn’t get permission in advance. That would have startled her into grasping that she had crossed a line without your blessing. Since you did not do that, you can talk to your daughter and explain to her why you were concerned. Be specific: When she spoke to your husband she was vague, which is a type of dishonesty. It is imperative that you know where she is when she is out and about without adult supervision. Finally, if she cannot follow your guidelines, she cannot hang out with this friend unsupervised anymore.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew invites me to all of his sporting events. In a way, this is sweet. We love each other and are close. What gets me is that his dad rarely, if ever, shows up for any of these events. When I am unable to attend, my nephew gets upset with me and works to make me feel guilty. I feel like if his dad were more involved, the pressure would be less intense for me. What can I do to get his dad to step up and my nephew to cut me a break? -- Stretched, Dallas

DEAR STRETCHED: It is unlikely that you can influence your nephew’s dad if he isn’t taking responsibility for his son already. If you do have a relationship with him, however, you can make an effort. You can contact him and meet, preferably in person. Tell him how excited your nephew is about his athletics and how much he wants to have his family there to cheer him on. Add that your nephew has been pressuring you to show up every time, but you believe it would mean more to him for his dad to be there.

As far as your nephew goes, manage his expectations by reminding him how much you love him and telling him clearly that you cannot come to every game. Let him know in advance what you can attend. Remind him along the way so that he knows you are connected.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter walks around with her cellphone attached to her ear like it is an appendage. I feel like everything she does takes twice the time it should because she is constantly talking to her best friend while she’s fulfilling a task. I like and appreciate that she has a friend who seems to be nice, but she is taking this too far. How can I regulate her telephone time without becoming the mean mom? I want to teach my daughter good habits. -- Too Much Phone Time, Milwaukee

DEAR TOO MUCH PHONE TIME: Make it clear to your daughter that she cannot be on the phone when she is completing her chores. That could be managed by you having a phone basket. She can be required to put her phone in the basket until chores are checked off and reviewed by you. Having a method that allows her a bit of independence -- the basket rather than giving the phone to you -- gives space for her to become responsible without feeling overly pressured. If this does not work, she could lose phone privileges. Talk to your daughter about timing and duty. Encourage her to fulfill her duties before engaging in fun.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is obsessed with cable political news. Every time I walk into my living room, bedroom or any other room where there’s a TV, my husband is glued to it. It’s almost like watching sports for him. The TV is loud, and he’s invariably screaming at it. I can’t take it anymore. Every day there’s some new horror story about how our government or some other one is mishandling its affairs. I don’t want to bury my head in the sand, but I need a safe space where we are not bombarded by the theater of the absurd that has become daily life. What can I do? -- Politically Drowning, Seattle

DEAR POLITICALLY DROWNING: Watching what’s happening in the world isn’t making it any better. You should talk to your husband about activism. Suggest that he take one more step and put his concerns and fears into action. Perhaps he can volunteer for a civil rights organization or get involved in some other way.

At home, ask your husband to agree to some downtime when the TV is off or at least when it’s not on a news channel. Plead with him for balance in your home. If he is unwilling to comply, work to have him agree to watch one TV that is out of earshot. Ask him to agree to turn the volume down, and absolutely put your foot down about watching the news in your bedroom. Be clear that you, too, are concerned about your world, but you are unwilling to give all your time and brain space over to a rehashing of what’s happening each day on the national and global stage.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was growing up, my parents were involved in marches and other forms of activism on behalf of the civil rights movement. I remember people constantly being in our home, sharing stories of what was going on in the world and what we had to do about it.

I have not been as vocal with my children about what’s been going on in our world, but now things are getting out of hand. Rather than being folklore, the KKK is back. With the recent unrest and death in Charlottesville, Virginia, at the hands of white supremacists, I have no choice but to talk to my children about everything. We live in the suburbs, and they go to school with many white children.

How do I help my children understand that their friends are different from the people who are espousing hate? And what do I tell them if one of their friends calls them the N-word, because it has already happened? -- Stopped in Time, Arlington, Virginia

DEAR STOPPED IN TIME: I assume that you are seeing now that there remains a need for this generation’s version of a civil rights movement. Over the past few months, there has been a groundswell of hatred brewing, and it seems to be targeted at anyone who is OTHER. Some people have become emboldened to believe that they can say and do anything they want, including being blatantly disrespectful to their peers. That would explain the friends who are demeaning your children. You must tell them that it is not OK for their “friends” to speak to them in that way. Indeed, such behavior should lead to an analysis of whether those people really are friends. Some teens bat epithets back and forth. If your children are participating, encourage them to stop.

As far as the rise of white supremacist activity, you should be worried, and you should take action -- which you should share with your children. Learn more about how you can have a voice, including writing to your members of Congress and to the president. Get involved so that you ensure that this behavior is not condoned in any way. The scab has been pulled off the wound. It is past time for real healing to occur.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every year at the end of the summer, I require my children to become active with some form of study so they can acclimate back to school. This year, my children are rebelling. I go to work, and when I come home they haven’t completed the work I have given them -- from their teachers. How can I get them to take these responsibilities seriously? -- Study Boycott, Ellicott City, Maryland

DEAR STUDY BOYCOTT: Have a family meeting and remind your children of their duties. Point out that they have not been honoring the agreements that they made with you. Give them a punishment, such as taking away their phones for a day. If the work isn’t completed when they get home, you keep the phones the next day, too. You should pick something to withhold that will be hard for them to live without. This can include hanging out with friends, sleepovers, shopping trips, TV, etc. Be sure to explain why you are asking them to do this work so they don’t think of the homework as a punishment.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)