DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I’m always fighting with my main client about every little thing. She does the nickel-and-dime dance. Whatever we are working on, she tries to get me (and her other contractors) to pitch in about 30 percent of the work for free. She does this by asking for favors and then throwing in that she wants us to volunteer for whatever those favors are. Whenever I have pushed back, she gets her back up and says things that make me feel like I’m being selfish by wanting to be paid for my services. This has been going on for a few years -- the entire time she has been my client. I bet you are going to say I should walk away, but it isn’t that easy. I need the work, and I like the project. I just don’t appreciate the way that my client constantly tries to manipulate me. How can I tamp that down? -- Enough Already, Atlanta

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: If you plan to keep this client, there is a certain amount of acquiescence that you will have to continue to offer. This is how she works. You can, however, get crystal clear about each assignment, its parameters and the compensation being offered. After getting clarity on that, if your client adds other tasks onto the work, inform her what you will bill for those extra services before you execute them. This will likely ruffle some feathers, but it is the only way you will have any power in this negotiation. Stay positive when dealing with your client. Don’t fall to her ways of engaging. Stick to your professional demeanor.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A colleague of mine told me about a water aerobics class that she has been taking that she says is awesome. I have recently started exercising and think this could be good for me, especially since it’s in the water, which means low impact. I have been experiencing some discomfort in my knees recently because I’ve been doing a lot of walking to lose weight.

My problem is vanity. I hate to admit it, but I don’t want to go to a swim class and put on a bathing suit in front of anyone, let alone a colleague. I feel like I’m completely out of shape and ugly when I have on a swimsuit. How can I get over this and get my butt in the water? -- Too Shy, Boston

DEAR TOO SHY: Trust your colleague. People who go to these classes choose to do so to get healthy. Yes, it may take a bit of courage to be so bare at first, but you can do it. Start by wearing your bathing suit to the pool so you don’t have to change in front of anyone. Bring a towel that you wrap around your hips until you slip into the water. Chances are, once you start class, you will notice that people are paying attention to the teacher rather than sizing each other up. You can do it. If you commit to it, the bonus is that you will start liking your body better!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-wife recently contacted me to tell me she has fallen on hard times. She had remarried some years back, and her husband turned out to be a jerk. He was abusive, and she finally got the courage to leave. She has been picking up the pieces of her life for a few years, including moving into her own apartment, getting a job and trying to get her act together. I felt sorry for her when she called. We have been apart for many years, but there is no animosity between us. I think she would like for us to be friends. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to get caught up in her issues, but I do care about her. What should I do? -- Ex Mess, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR EX MESS: Many people who were once married remain friends and connect here and there over the years. There’s nothing wrong with that. It sounds like your ex-wife could use a friend and confidant, someone she can trust to share what’s going on with her and to be a cheerleader of sorts. If you have the emotional space to fill those shoes, go for it. You don’t have to become everything for her. You should create boundaries for yourself so that you don’t get totally sucked into her world. But talking to her on the phone occasionally, meeting for tea or coffee and just being a presence in her life could make a huge impact on her situation right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be aghast when I looked at my aunts on my father’s side -- all big women weighing over 200 pounds. They were typical Southern women who cooked with lard and bacon fat. They served traditional soul food that was very tasty and laden with calories. My mother never cooked like that. She cooked clean food with little fat. I will admit that it wasn’t as tasty, but she was determined to give us a healthy diet.

Fast forward to today: Though I do not cook like my aunts, I feel like I have become them. I have a similar build, and now in my mid-50s, I am carrying around similar weight. When the scale tipped over 200, I thought I would die. I have become the very thing I abhorred as a child. Is there a way to reverse time and, perhaps, genetics? -- Like My Aunties, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR LIKE MY AUNTIES: No, you cannot reverse time or change your genetic makeup. Sorry. What you can do is change your diet and move your body. Think about how your mother fed you as a child. Go back to a lean protein, low fat, low carb, high vegetable diet. Cut out extra sugar and fat. And start to exercise. You can walk and start to strengthen your body. The recommendation is for everyone to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, or about 5 miles. Start off slow and build up to that. Get a physical to determine the overall state of your health before you do anything. You can reclaim good health!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son just came home from camp, and all he does is sleep. He has been home for a few days now, and literally I cannot get him out of bed until after 12. I know he had a rigorous schedule at camp, but I feel like I am missing out on enjoying time with my boy before school starts up again. Should I be worried? What can I do to entice him to get up? I don’t want to resort to punishment, which is my girlfriend’s strategy. I do want him to get up before midday. -- Wake Up, Cleveland

DEAR WAKE UP: Give your son a week to acclimate to life at home. He is probably grateful to be able to sleep in for a few days. At most camps, children are up and out of their cabins by 7 or 8 a.m. and are “on” all day and into the evening. His body could be in real need of simple rest.

After a week, you can let him know that it is time to get back into a regular routine. Make it clear that you expect him to get up earlier each day. This will ease him back into a school schedule and also give the two of you time to reconnect. Be aware, though, that as a teenager, he will probably wake up wanting to spend more time engaging with his friends than with you. That is normal. Establish a balance by appealing to his heart. Make it clear to him that you miss him and want to spend some time with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has been invited to so many bar and bat mitzvahs that it’s hard to count. I like that her friends want to include her in everything, but it is pretty expensive to go to all of these events. This is not because there is a charge. It’s all the other stuff, starting with new clothes for multiple events. And while there is no expected amount to be given for a gift, it is considered culturally and spiritually appropriate to give money in increments of $18. How can I get my daughter to all of these parties in comfort without going broke? -- Being 13, Westchester, New York

DEAR BEING 13: Your job is to plan it all out. Decide how many dresses you can and will pay for, and let your daughter know she will have to rotate them through the party cycle. Assure her that she will not be the only one wearing a dress more than once. As far as gifts go, do the same. Figure out how many of these events your daughter is likely to attend, to whom she is the closest and what you can afford to give. If you want to stick with the increments of $18, it’s OK to give $18. For those who are close friends, give more if you can. Make sure your daughter writes a lovely card for each mitzvah. Be sure to donate to the charity of a child’s choice if they defer you to a charity rather than a personal gift.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)