DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-wife recently contacted me to tell me she has fallen on hard times. She had remarried some years back, and her husband turned out to be a jerk. He was abusive, and she finally got the courage to leave. She has been picking up the pieces of her life for a few years, including moving into her own apartment, getting a job and trying to get her act together. I felt sorry for her when she called. We have been apart for many years, but there is no animosity between us. I think she would like for us to be friends. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to get caught up in her issues, but I do care about her. What should I do? -- Ex Mess, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR EX MESS: Many people who were once married remain friends and connect here and there over the years. There’s nothing wrong with that. It sounds like your ex-wife could use a friend and confidant, someone she can trust to share what’s going on with her and to be a cheerleader of sorts. If you have the emotional space to fill those shoes, go for it. You don’t have to become everything for her. You should create boundaries for yourself so that you don’t get totally sucked into her world. But talking to her on the phone occasionally, meeting for tea or coffee and just being a presence in her life could make a huge impact on her situation right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be aghast when I looked at my aunts on my father’s side -- all big women weighing over 200 pounds. They were typical Southern women who cooked with lard and bacon fat. They served traditional soul food that was very tasty and laden with calories. My mother never cooked like that. She cooked clean food with little fat. I will admit that it wasn’t as tasty, but she was determined to give us a healthy diet.

Fast forward to today: Though I do not cook like my aunts, I feel like I have become them. I have a similar build, and now in my mid-50s, I am carrying around similar weight. When the scale tipped over 200, I thought I would die. I have become the very thing I abhorred as a child. Is there a way to reverse time and, perhaps, genetics? -- Like My Aunties, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR LIKE MY AUNTIES: No, you cannot reverse time or change your genetic makeup. Sorry. What you can do is change your diet and move your body. Think about how your mother fed you as a child. Go back to a lean protein, low fat, low carb, high vegetable diet. Cut out extra sugar and fat. And start to exercise. You can walk and start to strengthen your body. The recommendation is for everyone to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, or about 5 miles. Start off slow and build up to that. Get a physical to determine the overall state of your health before you do anything. You can reclaim good health!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son just came home from camp, and all he does is sleep. He has been home for a few days now, and literally I cannot get him out of bed until after 12. I know he had a rigorous schedule at camp, but I feel like I am missing out on enjoying time with my boy before school starts up again. Should I be worried? What can I do to entice him to get up? I don’t want to resort to punishment, which is my girlfriend’s strategy. I do want him to get up before midday. -- Wake Up, Cleveland

DEAR WAKE UP: Give your son a week to acclimate to life at home. He is probably grateful to be able to sleep in for a few days. At most camps, children are up and out of their cabins by 7 or 8 a.m. and are “on” all day and into the evening. His body could be in real need of simple rest.

After a week, you can let him know that it is time to get back into a regular routine. Make it clear that you expect him to get up earlier each day. This will ease him back into a school schedule and also give the two of you time to reconnect. Be aware, though, that as a teenager, he will probably wake up wanting to spend more time engaging with his friends than with you. That is normal. Establish a balance by appealing to his heart. Make it clear to him that you miss him and want to spend some time with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has been invited to so many bar and bat mitzvahs that it’s hard to count. I like that her friends want to include her in everything, but it is pretty expensive to go to all of these events. This is not because there is a charge. It’s all the other stuff, starting with new clothes for multiple events. And while there is no expected amount to be given for a gift, it is considered culturally and spiritually appropriate to give money in increments of $18. How can I get my daughter to all of these parties in comfort without going broke? -- Being 13, Westchester, New York

DEAR BEING 13: Your job is to plan it all out. Decide how many dresses you can and will pay for, and let your daughter know she will have to rotate them through the party cycle. Assure her that she will not be the only one wearing a dress more than once. As far as gifts go, do the same. Figure out how many of these events your daughter is likely to attend, to whom she is the closest and what you can afford to give. If you want to stick with the increments of $18, it’s OK to give $18. For those who are close friends, give more if you can. Make sure your daughter writes a lovely card for each mitzvah. Be sure to donate to the charity of a child’s choice if they defer you to a charity rather than a personal gift.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a client who has very little regard for the people she works with. She says that she wants all hands on deck to help her with whatever big project she is working on, but then she doesn’t set herself or the project up for success. Most recently, she sent an email for a mandatory meeting at 11 a.m. on Sunday -- church time. And the request (or demand) was sent at 11 p.m. the night before. I was headed out when I noticed the invitation, so I canceled my plans and stayed in, which made me resentful of her and unhappy not to be able to go to church. When we got on the call, she didn’t even bother to acknowledge that she had inconvenienced us, because she doesn’t care.

I need this gig, which, by the way, is freelance, so I don’t even get paid for these extra meetings. How can I have a better attitude while working with this woman? -- Undone, Cincinnati

DEAR UNDONE: What’s good about your question is that you aren’t asking how to change your client, as that is not possible. Changing your attitude -- and sometimes your actions -- is wise for your own well-being and mental and spiritual health. You could have apologized profusely and said that you could not attend the Sunday meeting because you would be in church. That could be followed up by an email or call asking for the notes so you could stay updated. You can take care of yourself by putting yourself first, remembering the value of the project for your own well-being and choosing to stay positive no matter what your client requests -- even when you have to say no.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been volunteering for a company for two years in order to gain experience. The company is small, and it focuses on exactly the type of work I want to do. My problem is that I realize that other people have come in as unpaid interns and have been hired in paying roles. Nobody in the company has ever told me, not even once, that there were any openings available. I have donated my time for these months in hopes that one day they might consider me for a position. Now I feel like a dunce for not pushing for it all along. What can I do to change my employment status? -- Losing Step, New Orleans

DEAR LOSING STEP: You have taken your future for granted, in the sense that you expected someone else to push you along. That’s not how it works. You must show initiative. Start by revising your resume. Include on it the skills and responsibilities that you have gained in your role at this company. Name the role based on what you do, rather than calling it “volunteer” or “intern.” Next, go to your supervisor and pitch yourself for a paid role at the company. Point out all that you have learned and are applying to the job. Don’t stop there. Look more broadly in your field, and send your resume to competitors. You may just be ready to be hired somewhere else.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)