DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently noticed that my 90-year-old mother eats a lot of sweets. Specifically, she eats dessert every single day. She has even been asking my niece to buy cookies for her on a regular basis. This made me a little nervous. Diabetes runs in my family. Though she doesn’t have it, I feel like eating sweets every day can’t be good for her body.

My sister, who is the one primarily in charge of making sure my mother is OK and who lives nearby, told me to lay off. She said my mother’s doctor said she can eat whatever she wants. She is not diabetic. She is not overweight, and she is 90. She has earned the privilege of eating what she wants. Should I stop harping on this? I don’t live in the same town, so I don’t know everything that’s going on, but I also don’t want my mother to get sick in her old age. -- Hawkish, Boston

DEAR HAWKISH: Since you do not live in your mother’s town, you really do not know what’s happening on a daily basis. You need to trust your sister. You can absolutely ask her to give you updates on your mother’s health. Speak directly to her about your concerns about diabetes. The reality, though, is that your mother has lived for 90 years. If she is in relatively good health, this is a huge blessing. Don’t make the mistake of inserting yourself in her health management where it isn’t necessary. Daily dessert as part of a balanced diet may be just fine. Excess sugar and salt are things to worry about.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a huge argument with a woman who used to be a very close friend. I stopped hanging out with her a few years ago because she was growing increasingly more negative, talking badly about everyone in our friend circle. I ended up speaking to her the other day, and it was awful. She went on a rant about me, telling me all the reasons why I am a horrible person. She dredged up stories from my past that only a good friend would know, and she used them against me. I felt horrible. I admit that I have made some mistakes in my life, but this woman is not St. Peter or Jesus. I feel like she overstepped her bounds by chewing me out the way she did. Should I say anything else? In the moment, I told her that I was sorry if I ever hurt her or anyone else, but I was done talking about it. My fear is that she is blabbing this old stuff to anybody who will listen. Do I confront her? -- Stop It, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR STOP IT: The best thing you can do is walk away. Your angry former friend is stuck in the past. There is nothing you can do to lure her into the future. For whatever reason, she feels she has power by holding your past indiscretions over your head. Since you cannot control what she says or to whom, let it go. Live your life honorably. If you are confronted by others about what she has said, respond on a case-by-case basis. You do not have to explain yourself to people. Live your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that one of my cousins, who I always thought of as rich and settled, has to sell his house -- and fast. I thought the house was fully paid, since he has had it for many years. Instead, he had refinanced a few times when he had some financial bumps, and now he has a relatively low-paying job and can’t afford to pay the mortgage. I feel horrible for him. I know these things happen sometimes, but I think everybody thought of him as the one who was stable, if not wealthy. How can I be supportive of him when I still feel shocked by the news he shared with me? -- Incredulous, Seattle

DEAR INCREDULOUS: It must have taken a lot for your cousin to admit to you what’s going on in his life, especially given the image that you and others have had of him for years. But, as you noted, hard times can befall anyone. At least your cousin is trying to be practical and figure out what to do next to take care of himself.

Offer to be of support. Ask your cousin how you can help him. If he is selling his house, does he need help packing? Does he have items that might be of value for resale? Would it help for you to do research on that end? Volunteer to help your cousin make this transition as smooth as possible. Stay close to him so that he remembers that he is not alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My godmother sent me a note recently saying that she is proud of me for the woman I have become, but she is sad because we hardly speak to each other anymore. I read the note and had so many emotions come up. It is true that, when I was a little girl, we used to spend a lot of time together. She was the main baby sitter when my parents went out at night. She would come to my concerts at school and stuff like that. I went away to college, and we didn’t see each other much, but we did often see each other when I came home for holidays.

Now, I am in the early stages of my career. I don’t even talk to my mother that much these days. I work 10- to 12-hour days, and I don’t have much free time. I love my godmother and don’t want her to think that I am neglecting her, but I also don’t want her to guilt me into feeling bad for building my life. What can I do? -- Bad Goddaughter, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BAD GODDAUGHTER: Rather than feel guilty, make a few amendments to your schedule. Add in a phone call once a month or so with your godmother. Start, though, by writing a note to her saying how much you love and appreciate her. Don’t apologize for being busy. Affirm the positive. Build in time to talk to your mother and your godmother. In the end, you will be happy that you made time for them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Beatrice” is very well-off and never wants for anything. She so rarely has a lack of something in her life that I have no idea what to take over when she entertains. I think that showing up empty-handed is in poor taste, yet I have no idea what I can take her that she doesn’t already have 80 of! -- Got It All, Denver

DEAR GOT IT ALL: I bet your friend Beatrice is truly happy just having the pleasure of your company when she entertains. Make sure that when you attend her events, you are alert and ready to be of support should she need it.

In terms of a tangible gift, think of Beatrice and what interests her. Does she like to read? You can get her a copy of the latest book in her genre of choice. Does she like to cook? You could bring her a featured olive oil from your local farmers market. Think outside the box in terms of gift items that are small enough to not be a nuisance taking up space but that have meaning and a small story that could make the gift interesting. You can add a little note with the item telling her why this particular thing made you think of her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: English is my stepmother’s second language. She says she is more comfortable in her native tongue, but she has also known English for over 20 years. I mention this because I hear her speaking Spanish with my stepsisters, and I think they’re talking about me. Why would they speak a language they know I can’t understand? -- Gossips, San Jose, California

DEAR GOSSIPS: When you believe that your stepmother and stepsisters are talking about you, what has just happened? Can you figure out triggers for the moments when you feel they are speaking Spanish and excluding you? Do you have solid reason to think they are talking about you rather than simply speaking in their own common tongue?

When they launch into Spanish, you should immediately ask them to speak English so that you can understand the conversation, too. Continue to ask, even if they comply only occasionally.

I would recommend going one step further. Take a Spanish class. Learn to speak this language that is now part of your family. You don’t need to tell them that you are studying. Just learn and begin to pick up on what they are saying. When you become more fluent, start to speak to them in Spanish. If you find that they have been talking about you, ask them in Spanish to choose to be family with you instead of squabbling over anything. Then work hard to build a relationship with them. Talk to your father about this, too, so that he can help to be the glue. It takes time for families to blend, but it is possible, even when there are language barriers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)