DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that one of my cousins, who I always thought of as rich and settled, has to sell his house -- and fast. I thought the house was fully paid, since he has had it for many years. Instead, he had refinanced a few times when he had some financial bumps, and now he has a relatively low-paying job and can’t afford to pay the mortgage. I feel horrible for him. I know these things happen sometimes, but I think everybody thought of him as the one who was stable, if not wealthy. How can I be supportive of him when I still feel shocked by the news he shared with me? -- Incredulous, Seattle

DEAR INCREDULOUS: It must have taken a lot for your cousin to admit to you what’s going on in his life, especially given the image that you and others have had of him for years. But, as you noted, hard times can befall anyone. At least your cousin is trying to be practical and figure out what to do next to take care of himself.

Offer to be of support. Ask your cousin how you can help him. If he is selling his house, does he need help packing? Does he have items that might be of value for resale? Would it help for you to do research on that end? Volunteer to help your cousin make this transition as smooth as possible. Stay close to him so that he remembers that he is not alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My godmother sent me a note recently saying that she is proud of me for the woman I have become, but she is sad because we hardly speak to each other anymore. I read the note and had so many emotions come up. It is true that, when I was a little girl, we used to spend a lot of time together. She was the main baby sitter when my parents went out at night. She would come to my concerts at school and stuff like that. I went away to college, and we didn’t see each other much, but we did often see each other when I came home for holidays.

Now, I am in the early stages of my career. I don’t even talk to my mother that much these days. I work 10- to 12-hour days, and I don’t have much free time. I love my godmother and don’t want her to think that I am neglecting her, but I also don’t want her to guilt me into feeling bad for building my life. What can I do? -- Bad Goddaughter, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BAD GODDAUGHTER: Rather than feel guilty, make a few amendments to your schedule. Add in a phone call once a month or so with your godmother. Start, though, by writing a note to her saying how much you love and appreciate her. Don’t apologize for being busy. Affirm the positive. Build in time to talk to your mother and your godmother. In the end, you will be happy that you made time for them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Beatrice” is very well-off and never wants for anything. She so rarely has a lack of something in her life that I have no idea what to take over when she entertains. I think that showing up empty-handed is in poor taste, yet I have no idea what I can take her that she doesn’t already have 80 of! -- Got It All, Denver

DEAR GOT IT ALL: I bet your friend Beatrice is truly happy just having the pleasure of your company when she entertains. Make sure that when you attend her events, you are alert and ready to be of support should she need it.

In terms of a tangible gift, think of Beatrice and what interests her. Does she like to read? You can get her a copy of the latest book in her genre of choice. Does she like to cook? You could bring her a featured olive oil from your local farmers market. Think outside the box in terms of gift items that are small enough to not be a nuisance taking up space but that have meaning and a small story that could make the gift interesting. You can add a little note with the item telling her why this particular thing made you think of her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: English is my stepmother’s second language. She says she is more comfortable in her native tongue, but she has also known English for over 20 years. I mention this because I hear her speaking Spanish with my stepsisters, and I think they’re talking about me. Why would they speak a language they know I can’t understand? -- Gossips, San Jose, California

DEAR GOSSIPS: When you believe that your stepmother and stepsisters are talking about you, what has just happened? Can you figure out triggers for the moments when you feel they are speaking Spanish and excluding you? Do you have solid reason to think they are talking about you rather than simply speaking in their own common tongue?

When they launch into Spanish, you should immediately ask them to speak English so that you can understand the conversation, too. Continue to ask, even if they comply only occasionally.

I would recommend going one step further. Take a Spanish class. Learn to speak this language that is now part of your family. You don’t need to tell them that you are studying. Just learn and begin to pick up on what they are saying. When you become more fluent, start to speak to them in Spanish. If you find that they have been talking about you, ask them in Spanish to choose to be family with you instead of squabbling over anything. Then work hard to build a relationship with them. Talk to your father about this, too, so that he can help to be the glue. It takes time for families to blend, but it is possible, even when there are language barriers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son, "Alex," eats large amounts of food. This is to be expected for a growing boy, and I’d estimate he eats six full meals a day. He eats everything in the refrigerator, on the counters and in the pantry.

I've noticed my daughter, who is 10, eating less and less because Alex devourers her favorite foods without thinking. I believe he eats inconsiderately because he never asks for anything from the grocery store, yet eats all the food that everyone else requests. How can I balance life with a human vacuum in the kitchen? -- Moderation, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR MODERATION: You need to talk to Alex to teach him about using his brain when he reaches for food. It is important for him to think about others, even as he is a growing teenager who craves food. You may also want to resort to an extreme measure that many other families have had to put in place -- lock some food away that he cannot access. Put the foods that you want reserved for your daughter and for the rest of the family into a separate refrigerator that you literally lock. That way, Alex cannot eat it even if he wants to.

Finally, you can continue to ask Alex to give you a list of food items he prefers. Put his name on those items, and put your daughter’s name on her favorites, yours on your favorites and so on. At least this will begin to raise the awareness in your home that food is there for more than one person’s consumption.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been putting off publishing my own website on which to sell my ceramic art. What nobody knows, though, is that I have a completely done, unpublished website ready for launch. Every time I think about pressing “publish,” I think of how embarrassing it’d be to fail. While everyone encourages me, I know they won’t all buy my art. Should I wait until I sell some pieces in person? I could not handle failing at my favorite thing in the world. -- Under Pressure, Williamsburg, Virginia

DEAR UNDER PRESSURE: Stop drowning in worries about what might go wrong and launch! Success will be measured over time, and trust that your success will not be due to your friends buying most of your artwork. You will need to build a following among collectors of your style of work. You must cultivate mailing lists, learn to promote your work in a targeted way and find craft fairs and other events where you can bring your work for others to see.

For starters, you don’t have to tell your core group of friends and family, if that makes you feel safer. Do a soft launch, look for online and other outlets that attract your customer and align with them. When you feel comfortable, tell your loved ones and ask for their support. Focus on the positive, and build your art business.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)