life

Reader Struggles to Stay Motivated Amid Turnover

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 27th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I accepted a position at a company that’s been experiencing a lot of turnover. I didn’t know this until I started working here, and I find that it makes it hard for me to stay motivated when I see people leaving every few months. The office is fairly small (around 20), yet I have seen four new hires in my two months working here. How can I stay motivated at a company where all the others just pack their bags when it gets tough? -- Keep Your Head Up, Arlington, Virginia

DEAR KEEP YOUR HEAD UP: Set a goal for yourself at this company, something big enough to be a stretch. Next, map out a strategy to meet that goal that includes working with fellow team members to show your collaborative spirit but that allows for enough independence that if someone were to leave, it wouldn’t handicap you. When people leave, say goodbye as you keep your eyes on your prize. You should know that people who stay at jobs long enough to make a positive and long-lasting impact on the company, its staff and the bottom line tend to move on successfully to other businesses because they are establishing track records of success that will follow them. You have a chance to build a stellar reputation of being responsible, hard-working, loyal and committed by keeping yourself focused -- no matter who goes through that revolving door.

Work & SchoolMental Health
life

Father's Hoarding Embarrasses Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 27th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is a hoarder. He saves everything from his old teeth to plastic bags. It revolts me and causes me embarrassment. He grew up during a war, so I sympathize with his compulsion to keep whatever goods he can. Luckily for me, we live oceans apart, and I don’t have to see the living conditions he brazenly fights for. (The family has tried helping to no avail.)

My husband has never met my father, and has recently expressed interest in taking a trip. I have never told him much about my father, and I don’t want them to meet. How can I keep the men in my life separate? -- Honesty Isn’t the Best Policy, Los Angeles

DEAR HONESTY ISN’T THE BEST POLICY: Don’t allow your embarrassment over your father’s life circumstances deprive your husband of meeting him. Instead, tell the truth. Admit that you are embarrassed because you have no idea what state your father’s home will be in since you know he’s a hoarder. Tell your husband that the thought of a visit makes your skin crawl, but you love both of them enough to make the effort. Without belaboring the reality of your father’s physical circumstances, tell your husband what you know and what the family has told you.

Then, focus on the good things. Share stories with your husband about your father that reveal his character as well as anything you remember about your interactions growing up with him. Be descriptive as you show positive, illustrative stories that will help paint a picture of who your father is.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingLove & DatingMental HealthHealth & Safety
life

Reader Questions Whether to Stick up for Boss

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 26th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boss, “Sara,” isn’t the most well-liked person at my company. Sara leaves her packages lying around, is very brash and rarely cleans up after herself. Other employees make snarky comments about her behind her back when she is not at work. There’s no way to deny that she is all of the previously stated things (she has asked someone if they are pregnant or just “got fat”).

Should I defend Sara when I hear these statements? I don’t want to ostracize myself, but I feel like I should stick up for my boss no matter what. -- Employee of the Century, Wichita, Kansas

DEAR EMPLOYEE OF THE CENTURY: Watch what you say. You should not defend inappropriate behavior, no matter whose behavior it is. To protect your boss, it would be better for you to speak to her privately and express your concern that when she makes comments about people’s body size and condition, it is hurtful and embarrassing, but more, it could put your boss in a compromised position. An employee could accuse her of being discriminatory or worse.

What you can say when people talk about your boss is that you think it’s smart for everyone to focus on work. Griping about the boss on the job is not productive.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Father Doesn't Communicate While on Work Trips

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 26th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is in his 60s and not in the best health. He still travels for work because he does not want to hand over the reins to anybody else. I respect that my father wants to stay independent; however, I never hear from him when he's traveling. He is sometimes gone for weeks at a time, and I always assume the worst when he doesn’t call, text or email once every few days. Am I being an overbearing son? I don’t want to hound him, but I need to know my old man is still well. -- Smoke Signals Work, Too, Jacksonville, Florida

DEAR SMOKE SIGNALS WORK, TOO: Your challenge is tough as your father wants to maintain his independence. You need to get creative in order to convince your father to stay in touch. Consider asking him to text you photos when he gets to his destination. Tell him you miss him and would love to see snippets of his trips while you also get to confirm that he’s safe

Be honest. Tell him that in this day and age, it is important for you to know where he is. So much is going on in the world, it will set your mind at ease to know that your dad is OK. Admit to acting like a father yourself. Then do it. Go sappy on him. Tell your father that you love him, you worry about him and you need to know that he’s fine. Ask him to agree to at least call or text when he gets to his destinations and when he returns home. If he is flying a lot, ask him to shoot you a quick text saying he’s safe in whatever city it is, and that’s that. You may have to remind him from time to time and even nudge him to respond. Keep trying.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Reader Unsure What to Do About Air Conditioning

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My air-conditioning unit has not been functioning in my apartment in this summer heat. “Thomas,” my landlord, has been completely useless and ignores my complaints. I don’t have the cash to threaten him with a lawsuit, but I want to stand up for myself. I live in an area where it reaches 90 degrees during the day! I find myself staying late at work just because I dread coming home to that suffocating heat. How can I get Thomas to take action? I don’t know any of his other renters to ask for advice on how to deal with him. -- Heatwave, Atlanta

DEAR HEATWAVE: Check your lease to see if it says explicitly that your apartment comes complete with an air-conditioning unit. If it is written there, you have the legal right to have your landlord provide a working air conditioner. Next, let your landlord know that you will either withhold your rent -- in escrow -- until he repairs or replaces your air conditioner, or you will have it repaired or replaced and take the cost out of your rent. Either option is fair if your lease proves that he should be providing this for you. Put your suggestions in writing. Follow up with a text and a call. If you still get no response, collect your documentation so that you can prove that you made an effort, and go get some air conditioning!

Health & Safety
life

Son's Health Kick Needs Deodorant Stick

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son has decided to lose his baby weight by exercising. I love this initiative; however, it makes my home smell foul. “Victor” has body odor, and I don’t think wearing deodorant crosses his mind. I have hinted that he needs to start using deodorant and have even offered to buy it for him, but Vick just laughs me off. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but I was mortified when a friend came over and said I “clearly have sons.” How do I get Vick to start using antiperspirant or deodorant? I don’t want to scare him away from exercising. -- No B.O., Seattle

DEAR NO B.O.: You need to talk to your son about hygiene and teach him how to care for his body. This is not to dissuade him from exercising. It is also important for him to know about cleanliness and body odor. Tell him directly about his odor and the need to bathe with appropriate soap and use deodorant. Don’t give him an option on this. You can also relegate exercise to a certain part of the house that is well-ventilated or that you can make ventilated. You can use air fresheners to help combat the smell and vacuum often. Open the windows, too, to allow the pungent air to leave the house and clean air to flow in.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingTeensEtiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety

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