DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Alanna” makes significantly more money than me, even though we work in similar fields. When I first found out, I was angry at my company for such a large difference in salary, but now I am doubting Alanna’s brag about how much she makes. She could be trying to help me assert my worth, but I don't know whether to trust my friend or the person setting my salary. Should I ask Alanna for proof of her salary or just brush this off as typical financial gloating? -- Even the Playing Field, Detroit

DEAR EVEN THE PLAYING FIELD: You should turn away from Alanna’s bragging and concentrate on growing your career. Getting angry about Alanna’s paycheck isn’t going to help you very much.

Over time, however, as you build your career, you can do research to learn what the average salary range is for your particular job. You can ask a headhunter and look in industry publications and online for clues. If you find multiple sources that suggest that you are significantly underpaid, it may be time to speak to your boss. But do not approach your company with anger. That rarely leads to good consequences. Instead, become excellent and above reproach at what you do. Work to get recognized for your contributions, and position yourself for promotions to the best of your ability. Based on your research, if and when you do get a raise, compare it to industry standard. If it is below in a significant way, challenge your boss and ask for a more commensurate figure. Strategy is everything!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been fighting about what I deem a totally ridiculous topic -- how much I love my dog. I do pamper my dog more than other dog owners, since she sleeps in my bed and I always give her my leftovers in the kitchen after I’ve eaten. I take her hiking and traveling with me whenever possible, considering she weighs 8 pounds and is housebroken. I don’t see any credibility in his argument that I give too much love to my animal, but it appears to be turning into a deal breaker for him. Who needs to be on a tighter leash: the boyfriend or my dog, Pickle? -- Dogfight, Pittsburgh

DEAR DOGFIGHT: Find out from your boyfriend specifically what bothers him about your relationship with your dog. He could take issue with the dog sleeping in the bed, especially if he wants to cuddle up with you, too. Can you teach the dog that some nights are reserved for your special guest?

Does he like your dog? Is he willing to befriend Pickle? This is essential to know, because if he is truly anti-dogs -- or even anti-Pickle -- then you could be at an impasse. If, however, he just wants a bit more of you and bit less of Pickle, you may be able to create a compromise where everyone, including Pickle, can find a level of comfort. How much you like your boyfriend will determine how flexible you are willing to become.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepfather has been making increasingly sexist comments whenever I visit him and (mostly) my mother. Now that they have been married a few years, I believe he thinks it's acceptable to let his guard down and spew his thoughts about how “women aren't really fit for the workplace.” I know it's a bunch of malarkey, but it still angers me that my mother doesn't say anything to him. She's been working for over 30 years! Is it not my place to speak up? I feel like he says this to get a rise out of me. -- Ignoramus Stepfather, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR IGNORAMUS STEPFATHER: If your mother has yet to make a statement about her husband’s behavior, chances are, she doesn’t plan to do so. That means it is time for you to learn to ignore him. If you do not react to his comments, it is likely that he will eventually make fewer of them in your presence. You may want to figure out ways to spend time with your mother outside the house. Go on mother-daughter dates where the two of you can enjoy each other without him in the room. In this way, you will be able to avoid interacting with your stepfather for the most part.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not a particularly talkative person, and I am comfortable with silence. What I have realized, though, is that I am atrocious at barbershop small talk. When getting a trim every few weeks, my barber attempts to speak to me about anything from sports to family. I'm far too private and awkward to give him a good conversation, and I wish he didn't feel the pressure to keep up constant conversation with me. Is there any way I can steer the conversation toward silence, or is this just a fact of life? -- Ixnay the Small Talk

DEAR IXNAY THE SMALL TALK: The best way to get your barber to stop asking you questions is for you to start asking him questions. Come up with a list of a few basic things that he typically likes to talk about. Then you start off the conversation by asking one of them. It could be as simple as “How was your week?” Or you can ask about some of the regulars who frequent the shop. You don’t even have to listen attentively. A few grunts and “uh-huhs” should keep the conversation going. When he turns the conversation to you, ease it back to him. You can say, “Oh yes, my family is fine. How is yours?” That gives him the opportunity to spend time talking about himself. You can also close your eyes and pretend to take a little nap -- or just stop talking. It could be awkward for your barber at first, but if you stop responding, eventually he will stop asking you questions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My little sister has been pretending to take her ADD medication by half swallowing it as she walks out the door in front of my mom and coughing it up as she walks to the bus to go to school. I have seen her do this over a dozen times out the window, so I know it's not a one-time thing. Should I tell my parents about what I'm seeing? She has gotten bad reports at school, and they think this medication will help her. -- Sip and Swallow, Milwaukee

DEAR SIP AND SWALLOW: This is one of the few times that I am going to recommend that you “tell on” your sister. You absolutely should tell your parents what you have observed so that they can support your sister in getting on track. If she has been diagnosed with ADD and is receiving medication, her medical doctor and your parents believe it is necessary.

As her sister, you may also want to speak to her directly and tell her that you have seen her spit out her pills. Ask her why she refuses to take them, and do your best to find out what’s going on with her at school. Don’t try to tell her what to do, as that won’t work. But with great compassion, let her know that you care about her and want her to be healthy and to do well in school.

When your parents confront her, know that she will be angry that you revealed her behavior. Let her know that you told them because you love her and want the best for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a vegan since high school with no intention of stopping. My fiance, however, is an avid meat, dairy and egg eater. I don't care about what he chooses to put into his body, but we have been fighting about food preparation recently. “Alan” hates the plant-based lifestyle, and gripes that I won't just cook him a steak. I tell him he has the complete green light to go to the store, buy himself a steak and cook it. Since Alan doesn't want to do the food shopping or cooking, I tell him to suck it up or start being proactive. Is this too harsh? We've been fighting about this for over a year. -- Sticking to My Plants, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR STICKING TO MY PLANTS: If you and Alan are to be married, you two need to work this out. Would you be willing to cook all of the meals if he were to become vegan? If so, that means you are putting your foot down simply because he chooses to eat differently than you. That may not be the best way to start your marriage.

If your intention is to be the primary cook, you may want to learn how to cook a few meat dishes. By giving in a little, you can create space for the two of you to grow together. You may be able to introduce some of your favorite foods to him and get him to eat less meat over time, too!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)