DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew is in town visiting with some of his high school buddies. We agreed that he would come to dinner with my family and me one evening.

As I was preparing for him, he called to ask if he could bring his group of five to the dinner with him. I planned a small meal for four people, not for a group of nine. I hated to tell him no, but I was not prepared to accommodate everyone. I also didn’t appreciate him springing that on me at the last minute. Had we made such a plan, I could have purchased enough food and hosted them all. In the end, my nephew did not come to dinner with us as he wanted to stay with his friends. I saw him the next day briefly before he headed out of town.

How can I address this with my nephew so that he understands I did not mean to reject his friends, but he did not handle his request to me well at all? -- Crasher, Cincinnati

DEAR CRASHER: Feel free to follow up with your nephew by phone. Check in with him to learn how he enjoyed his trip. Express your disappointment that you did not get to see him for a longer period of time. Then tell him that you wish he had been straightforward about wanting to bring his friends to dinner in a timely fashion. Explain that you would have hosted them given ample time, but you literally did not have enough food for all of them with last-minute notice. Tell your nephew that the poor timing of his request made for an awkward situation for everyone. Ask him to plan ahead in the future. It will help to clear the way for a great experience for everyone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to visit my family recently, and I was shocked to see how much weight my brother has gained. I want to say that he is probably 50 pounds bigger than he was last year. Naturally, he seems to be uncomfortable in his skin. His clothes don’t fit. He’s a mess. I know he is an adult, but he’s my brother. I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know what to say so that I don’t hurt his feelings. -- Big Brother, Boston

DEAR BIG BROTHER: Too bad you didn’t talk when you were face to face. The next best thing is to call him. Tell him you want to speak to him about a sensitive subject. Ask for his permission to proceed. Then tell your brother that you are concerned about him. Reveal that you noticed that he has gained a lot of weight since you last saw each other and that you are worried, given how quickly he put it on. Ask him what happened. Find out how he is feeling. Even if he is unwilling to talk about his weight, you can also encourage him to get a physical to ensure that he has no major health issues.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a ton of food allergies, and sometimes when I am at a restaurant, it can be embarrassing to order food. I scrutinize the menu carefully all the time, but if not all of the ingredients are listed, I sometimes find myself in trouble. I keep an EpiPen with me, but who wants to have to use that? One of my friends suggested that I make a little card listing my food allergies. That way, the server can take the list back to the chef and verify whether I can eat what I want to order. Another friend told me that was pathetic and I should just ask the questions. What do you think? -- Allergic, Portland, Oregon

DEAR ALLERGIC: I love the idea of the card with the listing of food allergies. It is a discreet and efficient way to keep you healthy. A way to make it even less noticeable is to hand it to the maitre d’ -- if there is one -- upon your arrival at the restaurant, with a brief explanation of what it is. Then ask the maitre d’ to give it to your server. This way, no one else has to know about your food restrictions. If a question or so crops up, simply ask it and keep it moving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been saving my clothes for years now because I plan on losing weight. Once I went down about two full sizes and was happy that I had clothes in my closet to wear at that new weight. The problem is, I don’t have room in my closet for all of this stuff. Heck, I have too many clothes at my current weight to fit into my dresser and closet. How can I figure out what to keep and what to give away? I cannot afford to buy a whole new wardrobe when I lose the weight. -- Holding On, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR HOLDING ON: Many organizers would tell you emphatically to let go of anything that you have not used in the past year or two. Those extra items that you hardly remember you own are taking up real estate in your life. Pare down to the essentials for the seasons and activities that are key in your life.

In terms of clothing of another size, be honest with yourself. What are you doing to get yourself closer to your goal? As incentive, give yourself a six-month marker to be the size of those clothes you are keeping. Edit them now into only the key pieces that you love, and set them aside in a special place. Check in with yourself each month to see if your fitness strategy is matching your timeline. If you can use that edited wardrobe as incentive to get fit, go for it. If you meet your goal, toss the bigger clothes so you have nothing to wear if you get bigger again. If you fall short by a lot, toss the goodies. Promise yourself that if you reach that ideal size again, you will reward yourself with a few new pieces.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go back to school and get my bachelor's degree. I think it will help me to earn more money in my field. When I tell my family and friends about my dream, they laugh at me and don’t seem to take me seriously.

All of the adults in my life went to traditional universities and got degrees back when they were younger. I am a 30-year-old woman, and I am thinking of getting an online degree so that I can go to school and keep working at the same time. They claim that these types of degrees are not real and are a waste of time. How can I get them to be supportive of my dream? -- Degree, Columbus, Ohio

DEAR DEGREE: Stay focused on your goals, and do your best not to let your family’s questions dissuade you. Do research on each of the schools you are considering. Find out who some of the prominent graduates are as well as what fields they enter upon graduation. Check to see if the school is accredited, how long it has been operational and what types of classes are offered. Many schools offer online classes these days, even Ivy League schools. Find what works for you, and then tell your family after you are enrolled and on your way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought by now that the political debates about the United States presidency would have waned. I tire of turning on the news and seeing report after report about what one side believes or the other.

I won’t lie. I am a Democrat, and I did not support the current president. But every other time it seemed like people got past their personal views and at least sort of tried to support whoever was in office. I feel like there are plenty of things that I don’t like that are happening right now, but spewing hate doesn’t seem like the way to effect change.

Whenever I suggest to my friends that we say a prayer for the president or something else positive, they scoff at me and call me Pollyanna. I disagree. I was taught that the way to make things better is to be positive. What do you think? -- Neutral, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR NEUTRAL: One of the greatest lessons I have learned is that love is the great healer. Through strength and love, people can support right action. Yes, collective prayer can be powerful. Praying for the good of the people and of the Earth is smart. That is not enough, though. You must take action, too. Know what you believe, and do your research. Figure out what policies you support and those that you oppose. Make your voice known. Get in there and express your opinions in one way or another -- through respectful letter-writing to the president, your members of Congress and your community. Become politically active as you cultivate a loving, respectful spirit. Make yourself the change you want to see in this world. Help to hold all elected officials accountable for their actions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)