DEAR HARRIETTE: I bring a packed lunch from home every day to work. Usually, the entire office goes out to eat at a swanky place where lunch and a beverage will cost $20. They ask me to join them, but I have a perfectly good lunch already made for a fraction of the cost. Should I start going out with them? I feel like my lunch makes me seem antisocial in the office. -- From Home, Westchester, New York

DEAR FROM HOME: Your question is really about office politics, not just your budget. While your plan to bring your lunch is sensible and cost-effective, it likely is distancing you from your co-workers. There is something to be said for factoring professional networking into your budget, including networking at lunchtime. Consider agreeing to go to lunch with your co-workers once or twice a week to show an interest in hanging out with them. This may require you to reapportion funds in a different way, but it could end up providing leverage for next steps in your career.

Also, I wonder: Since the entire office goes out to lunch together, does the company ever foot the bill? It’s a little odd that everyone -- except you -- is there daily. You can’t be the only one who thinks it’s a bit pricey. It never hurts to ask.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father recently had an intervention with me, which hurt my feelings. I work on a farm and live in a cabin in a very rural area, and I love it. However, my father told me I'd be a “useless hippie” and said he'd refuse to speak to me unless I got a “real job.” I love my job, but I also love my family. Is there any way to remedy this so I can get the best of both worlds? -- We Are Farmers, Ohio

DEAR WE ARE FARMERS: Your father’s tough rhetoric is founded in his fear that you may not be able to provide for yourself, at least not in the manner in which he believes you should be able to. That said, your father cannot live your life for you. The way to help him to feel at ease is to figure out your life so that you live within your means and save as you pursue your dreams. If your dream is to live and work on a farm, don’t give it up because it worries your father. Figure out how you can afford to live this way in relative comfort.

When you can show your father that the life you have chosen suits you, he should be able to see that you actually do have a “real” job that is sustaining you well. This should ease his mind and soften his heart to your way of living your life. Realize that there may be tough days ahead. That’s part of life -- but know that even financial types, real estate agents, doctors and lawyers can have ups and downs in their careers. Challenges are not limited to farmers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've liked “Bri” for nearly two years. She was in a relationship at the time, and I respected this, so when she recently became single, I was elated to have my chance with her. I expressed my feelings to my friend "Jeff" before I asked Bri to spend time with me, and a few days later, Bri was going on a date with Jeff! I feel like he totally took her from me. Should I confront Jeff about being a bad friend? -- Bro Code, Dallas

DEAR BRO CODE: Forget about Jeff. Go directly to Bri and ask her out. If this happened just recently, she can’t possibly already be in a relationship with Jeff. Call Bri. Invite her to join you for a quiet time together where it will be easy for you to talk. Ease into a conversation with her. Get a sense of how she’s doing. Lay your cards on the table. Tell her that you have liked for a long time, but out of respect for her relationship, you kept your distance. Tell her that you would like her to consider going out with you to see if she might like you, too. Acknowledge that you know you are making this request early on after her breakup. Point out that it is obvious to you how special she is, and you would regret it if you didn’t get a chance to see how special a couple you two can be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked the company intern out on a date. She is a recent college graduate just like me, and we get along very well at work. Now I fear she said yes to this date only because she thinks I would bad-mouth her if she said no. I realize I’m not sure if she actually likes me romantically. Should I backpedal on this potential relationship? -- Office Sparks, San Francisco

DEAR OFFICE SPARKS: Why not go on the date and take it easy? Ask her what she likes to do, and pick an activity that suits both of you. Get to know each other. Be upfront as well: Tell her you are happy to have a contemporary at the office, being that you are both recent graduates, and you would like to get to know her better. Add that you find her attractive, but you do not want to be presumptuous. Tell her that you are happy to be work buddies, if that feels right to her, but you are also willing and interested in hanging out with her personally if she thinks she would like that. Make it clear that there is no pressure either way.

You have to be careful that the intern doesn’t feel any pressure from you, which is why it is good to be direct and clear. You can add that if she doesn’t want to do anything other than share time with you at work, you are fine with that. You will respect her wishes and boundaries.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a pretty strained relationship with my grandfather. He was not a great parent, and my father hasn't spoken to him in over 20 years.

Recently, I've learned from my cousin that my grandpa is going to pass within a matter of weeks. I already know my father would never go overseas for a funeral, but I think he may want me to. How do I broach this sensitive subject? My dad likes to pretend he doesn't care about anything pertaining to his father, but I know he secretly does. -- To Fly or Not to Fly, Cincinnati

DEAR TO FLY OR NOT TO FLY: My experience with the death of a family member or loved one, even when the relationship is strained, is that it is best to do everything you can to create closure before the person leaves the planet. The fact that your grandfather has had a strained relationship with you and an estranged relationship with your father is all the more reason why it would be good for you to get on a plane and go to say goodbye to him.

Rather than asking your father if he wants you to go, tell him that you plan to travel to visit your grandfather with the intention of offering your love and blessings for his transition. I also recommend that you do your best to forgive your grandfather for whatever bad things occurred between the two of you and between him and your father. Forgiveness is healing on both sides. It can make your grandfather’s transition more easeful, and it can help you to release any bad feelings that you have been harboring. You can ask your father if he wants you to share a message with his father during your visit. If not, tell him you will offer his love and blessings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker accidentally sent me an email about me instead of to her intended recipient. This email called me a “b---h” and used my name, so there's no wiggle room about who the intended target was. I have pretty thick skin, so this comment did not bother me. I know not everybody likes me.

Since the email, “Lauren” has gone out of her way to be way too nice to me. She even baked cookies and brought them into the office when I made a big sale. I am over the email and this fake syrupy behavior. How do I tell Lauren this without seeming like a B-word again? -- You've Got (Hate) Mail, Milwaukee

DEAR YOU’VE GOT (HATE) MAIL: You can take the high road and thank Lauren for making the effort to make it up to you for having sent that email. Tell her you forgive her for writing about you so unkindly. Add that your intention is to do a good job at work. Tell her you are sorry she has thought of you so negatively, but you hope that impression will change as time goes by.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)