DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend. She claims that since she hasn’t been single in a long time, she can do whatever she wants with boys. Her actions have been a little out of control. She is betraying her girlfriends, including me. Every time somebody tells her she has changed, she gets really defensive. I have begun to distance myself from her. She keeps asking me what is wrong, or what she did. I am not sure what to do because I want to simply avoid drama, but I also want her to understand what she is doing. -- Girl 4 Girl, Portland, Oregon

DEAR GIRL 4 GIRL: Your friend is giving you permission to tell her the truth. Do it. This doesn’t need to be a prolonged conversation. To protect yourself and avoid drama, as you have said, limit the interaction about this to one main conversation. Agree to speak to your friend. Tell her that you are concerned about her behavior ever since she and her boyfriend broke up. Give her specific examples of things she has done that have been disturbing. Do your best to point to actions that could be directly harmful to your friend as well as those that can and have hurt others. Include how she betrayed you.

Suggest that she get some professional help to work through the pain of her breakup and the reality of her life today. You cannot do this for her, nor can other friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom wants me to get a haircut. My hair is really long -- it goes down to my butt. I haven’t gotten a haircut in over four years because I had a very bad experience. I asked my hairdresser to cut off 4 inches, and she cut off about 8 inches. My hair was so short that it took over a year to grow back to a normal length. I am scarred. My mom is forcing me to go get a haircut but I don’t want one. Since I still live in her house (I am in high school), I have but so much power. What should I do? -- Luv My Hair, Queens, New York

DEAR LUV MY HAIR: Did you know that when you trim your hair every few months, your hair remains healthier and may even grow faster? This is true even if your stylist gets a little scissor-happy, so relax. It is good for you to go to the hairdresser for a trim or cut. Be specific about your desires. As far as length of hair, show your stylist where you want your hair to fall in relation to your shoulder. Implore the stylist not to cut above that line. Bring someone with you who can help reinforce your length limit.

Ultimately, you should get a haircut. You should remember that your hair will grow back. You are fortunate to have hair that grows very long. If you want a better reason, consider cutting your hair more dramatically for a cause, giving it to Locks of Love (locksoflove.org). Many women grow their hair to cut it for this charity that offers hair for wigs for sick children who have suffered hair loss.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few days ago, I waited for my best friend to come outside of her home for 30 minutes. I ended up leaving and eating at a restaurant alone so I could continue with my day. She never apologizes when this scenario happens because she justifies it I can always carry on with our plan without her. Should I cease the invites until she figures out how to read a clock? -- Get Out, Philadelphia

DEAR GET OUT: Let’s start with a few questions for you: Did you ring the bell to see what was taking so long? Do you know if she was in her house? Why did you wait that long? In order to wrestle free from whatever hold your “best” friend has over you, you must look honestly at how she treats you. It is unacceptable to make you wait for so long with no excuse -- worse, that she does it repeatedly.

Stop making plans to meet your friend. Plan activities for yourself that do not include her. Do your best to consider how you can comfortably broaden your network of friends. You have to find healthy ways to do other things that do not involve your so-called “best friend.” When she calls you on it, tell her that a best friend wouldn’t treat you like that. Ask her to treat you with respect by showing up on time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepmother has never been a welcome member of our family due to her role in my parents' divorce. My siblings and I have never gotten her a present for her birthday or Christmas, and we usually send her a generic birthday or holiday text. Now that we are in our 20s, I brought up the idea of purchasing “Melanie” a gift for her birthday and was met with resistance from my sister, who cannot understand why I’d want to bury the hatchet.

Would buying Melanie a birthday present seem like I’ve forgiven her for her past? I just don’t think it’s healthy to drag out drama from decades ago. -- In the Present, Phoenix

DEAR IN THE PRESENT: Congratulations on attempting to turn the page in your family. Whatever occurred years ago is in the past. Your effort to acknowledge your stepmother in the present is smart for everyone. Believe it or not, holding on to grudges is more harmful to those holding on than on the object of their scorn. Letting go and forgiving is liberating for you and everyone else. You all deserve a fresh start. It doesn’t mean that you forget the past. It means that you choose to live in the here and now and figure out a way forward, preferably together.

Stay your course. Encourage your siblings to let go of their old wounds and to focus on today. Ask them to follow your lead and view your stepmother in terms of who she is and how she has been involved in your family over time. Make a concerted effort to establish a meaningful bond with her. She will never replace your mother, but she can and should be a positive part of your family dynamic.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was always overweight as a teen and young adult. I recently lost a considerable amount of weight. Although I am happy with this change, I hate when people comment only on my appearance and tell me how much more attractive I am now that I've shed the pounds. Is there any way I can steer the conversation to my personality or accomplishments that don’t have to do with how I look to other people? It seriously irks me that people just give their unsolicited opinions on my body. -- Don’t Want It, Glen Burnie, Maryland

DEAR DON’T WANT IT: We live in a culture that is obsessed with the way people look, so you will be hard-pressed to avoid this commentary. For now, do your best to take their comments as the compliments that the givers believe they are offering. It is unlikely that the commenters have any idea how offensive their remarks are.

Rather than dwelling on their words, focus on you. Thank yourself for losing weight. It is good for your health. The side effect is that you may appear fitter, healthier or otherwise more appealing to others. Stay on course, regardless of what others say to you. You know that losing weight is good for your heart and your body overall.

For those commenters who are friends, change the conversation by inviting them to participate in activities with you that you now enjoy. A group walk can be fun and invigorating. When you receive a compliment, say thank you and then pivot. For those who are relentless, remind them that you didn’t entertain commentary about your weight when you were heavier, and you aren’t going to start now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am recently single after a 25-year marriage, and I am attempting to get back in the dating scene because I do not want to be alone. My teenage daughters just made fun of me and told me I had the “worst game” they’ve ever seen. I tried to set up a date with one of their friend’s fathers, and it didn’t go over smoothly. I am too old for dating apps, and I lost many friends following the split, so how else can I find someone? I need to get my mind off of ending up alone. -- All By Myself, New Orleans

DEAR ALL BY MYSELF: It is time to put yourself back on the scene in ways that make you comfortable. Enter: extracurricular activities. What do you like to do in your free time? Or what do you think you would like to do? Enroll in a class. Join walking tours in your city. Become a docent at the local museum. Put yourself out there where other people are. Then pay attention. If you notice someone who seems interesting, don’t be shy. Go over and introduce yourself. It may feel like high school, and it’s OK to feel awkward. Everything that makes up who you are will be appealing to someone. Just be yourself and get out there.

Don’t give up on the web apps, though. Many couples have met using the internet as a catalyst.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)