DEAR HARRIETTE: I was always overweight as a teen and young adult. I recently lost a considerable amount of weight. Although I am happy with this change, I hate when people comment only on my appearance and tell me how much more attractive I am now that I've shed the pounds. Is there any way I can steer the conversation to my personality or accomplishments that don’t have to do with how I look to other people? It seriously irks me that people just give their unsolicited opinions on my body. -- Don’t Want It, Glen Burnie, Maryland
DEAR DON’T WANT IT: We live in a culture that is obsessed with the way people look, so you will be hard-pressed to avoid this commentary. For now, do your best to take their comments as the compliments that the givers believe they are offering. It is unlikely that the commenters have any idea how offensive their remarks are.
Rather than dwelling on their words, focus on you. Thank yourself for losing weight. It is good for your health. The side effect is that you may appear fitter, healthier or otherwise more appealing to others. Stay on course, regardless of what others say to you. You know that losing weight is good for your heart and your body overall.
For those commenters who are friends, change the conversation by inviting them to participate in activities with you that you now enjoy. A group walk can be fun and invigorating. When you receive a compliment, say thank you and then pivot. For those who are relentless, remind them that you didn’t entertain commentary about your weight when you were heavier, and you aren’t going to start now.