DEAR HARRIETTE: Against my wishes, my preteen daughter watched an online show that is very graphic in terms of sexual assault, underage drinking and suicide. I only know that she watched it after looking at her online account, and I don’t know if I should punish her or use this as a teachable moment. I’m sure sitting down with her mother to talk about these hard-hitting topics would be enough to make her squirm, but my husband thinks I should just take away access to the streaming service. How should I react to my daughter going behind my back? -- All Topics Welcome, Seattle

DEAR ALL TOPICS WELCOME: As the mother of a 13-year-old, I am well aware of the Netflix series "13 Reasons Why," which has garnered a tremendous amount of attention this year. My daughter told me about it, stating that she and her friends were watching it, and she thought I should, too. At about this same time, the entire school system -- public and private -- in New York City was asked to talk to students about the content of the series and to check in with students on how they were managing.

Without question, the subject matter is disturbing. Through dramatic narrative, suicide and the reasons leading up to it, including virtually every potential area of teenage exploration, are illustrated. Yes, some of the scenes and content are disturbing. I took it as a teachable moment. I watched the entire series, including the synopsis at the end, which is essential. I have since participated in ongoing dialogue with my daughter about it.

Her school had someone come in to talk to the students, which helped to a point. The challenge was that the professional had not yet watched the series when the conversation occurred, so he lost credibility.

For you, as a parent, do not shut the door on this. Watch the series -- every episode. Contemplate what you see and what it means to you as well as what you think it may mean for a preteen girl and her friends. Ask your daughter what she thought about the series. Find out how much she watched. Inquire as to what she and her friends are talking about related to the show. Ask if she knows of any students who use drugs, engage in sexual activity or have considered suicide. Do not press. Build a conversation with her. Do not punish her. Instead, let her know that you want her to check in with you before watching questionable content, meaning anything that isn’t G or PG. The better you are at opening the door to communication, the better your chances are at building a rapport with your daughter that will help her weather the teenage years and its endless conflicts with strength and focus.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I didn't get an internship offer from any of the companies that I interviewed with. I have three months ahead of me, and my best job opportunity looks like baby-sitting or being a housekeeper -- and I can't put these jobs on my already-sparse resume. What do I do now? Is it too late to snag an internship, considering all of my friends got approved for theirs weeks ago? -- Bummer Summer, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR BUMMER SUMMER: It is unlikely that you will be able to secure a paid internship or even a traditional unpaid one at this juncture. That does not mean, however, that you cannot create something for yourself. Review your interests. What specific types of businesses are best for you as internship options? Are there any such businesses in your city? If you can identify a relevant company, especially a small one, contact the company directly and offer to volunteer for them during the summer. Explain your passion for the focus of their business, and promise to work hard to support them. Often an offer to volunteer opens the door. If you need to work for money, continue to baby-sit or clean houses on off-hours to make ends meet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a freshman in college, and I nanny for a family of five children. I’ve been working for them since I started high school, and I really like them. The oldest, "Simon," is 14 and in high school. Simon is delightfully awkward, but he has a crush on me, and I don’t know what to do about it. Originally, I hoped he would grow out of this, but now he writes me notes about how beautiful he thinks I am and asks me on dates. His parents see this behavior and don’t do anything about this. How can I handle this situation gracefully? I want it to blow over ASAP. -- A Decade Apart, Westchester, New York

DEAR A DECADE APART: If you want to keep your job, you must align yourself with this boy’s parents and get them to support you. Be proactive. Tell them how much you care for Simon as well as their other children, but that you are concerned about Simon crossing the line. Tell them about his behavior and show them his letters. It’s not enough that they see what Simon does; they need to understand from your mouth to their ears how Simon’s words and actions are affecting you and, more, how misguided they are for him as a developing teen. Ask Simon’s parents to talk to him and help him to draw a line between appropriate and inappropriate behavior toward you.

Beyond that, you can talk to Simon, too -- preferably in an open setting. Tell him that you know he cares about you based on his notes and his behavior. Qualify that you care about him as a friend, but not more. Acknowledge that you realize this probably hurts his feelings, but it is important for him to understand that he should find a girlfriend his own age, from his sphere of friends. You are the family baby sitter and cannot be anything more to him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been friends with "Kelly" for about five years. She sees me as one of her closest friends, but honestly, I don’t know much about her. Kelly is very reserved and is a homebody. I have met her siblings and boyfriend a few times, but other than that, I find our time together is me sharing my life and mishaps with her. I try to ask her about her life, but this is always met with deflection. Is there anything else I can do to make Kelly open up to me and stop being so distant? -- Let Me In, Boston

DEAR LET ME IN: Some people are masterful at not letting others in to their personal spheres, even as they seem to be close friends. This happens because most people like to talk about their lives and the daily ups and downs that they face. Having a friend who is a good listener can be a blessing for people who are involved in their own dramas, doldrums and simple day-to-day experiences, and like to share what’s going on with themselves. Reclusive people can easily hide in the midst of these relationships as it is rare that they are questioned about their own journeys.

How do you get around that? You could challenge Kelly and tell her that you think it’s unfair that you bare your soul and she does not. You can ask her questions and stay silent as you wait for her to respond. Chances are, you normally don’t allow awkward silences and quickly fill them with chatter. You can also give her space and let her share as she feels comfortable. Unless you feel unsafe within this relationship, you can just let her be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently been entertaining the idea of staying in the city where I will graduate from college. The weather is warmer, and I have spent most of my time here in Atlanta since arriving for college. My parents are excited for me to move back north after graduation, so I am not sure how to break this to them.

I miss my family, but think this is the city for me. What should I tell them about my permanent move? -- Post-Grad Life, Atlanta

DEAR POST-GRAD LIFE: Welcome to the beginning of your independence. As difficult as this will be, it is your obligation to speak up for yourself and let your parents know your interests and intentions. Be courageous. Tell your parents you want to share your vision for your future with them. Outline your ideas for the next few years. Acknowledge that you will miss them terribly, and you know they will miss you. Commit to visiting them, and invite them to visit you. Ask for their blessing as you begin to navigate your journey as an adult.

Stay in close touch with them. Consider scheduling a weekly call so that you manage their expectations and create a discipline around communicating with them. The transition will be easier for them the more responsibly you handle it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)