DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been friends with "Kelly" for about five years. She sees me as one of her closest friends, but honestly, I don’t know much about her. Kelly is very reserved and is a homebody. I have met her siblings and boyfriend a few times, but other than that, I find our time together is me sharing my life and mishaps with her. I try to ask her about her life, but this is always met with deflection. Is there anything else I can do to make Kelly open up to me and stop being so distant? -- Let Me In, Boston

DEAR LET ME IN: Some people are masterful at not letting others in to their personal spheres, even as they seem to be close friends. This happens because most people like to talk about their lives and the daily ups and downs that they face. Having a friend who is a good listener can be a blessing for people who are involved in their own dramas, doldrums and simple day-to-day experiences, and like to share what’s going on with themselves. Reclusive people can easily hide in the midst of these relationships as it is rare that they are questioned about their own journeys.

How do you get around that? You could challenge Kelly and tell her that you think it’s unfair that you bare your soul and she does not. You can ask her questions and stay silent as you wait for her to respond. Chances are, you normally don’t allow awkward silences and quickly fill them with chatter. You can also give her space and let her share as she feels comfortable. Unless you feel unsafe within this relationship, you can just let her be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently been entertaining the idea of staying in the city where I will graduate from college. The weather is warmer, and I have spent most of my time here in Atlanta since arriving for college. My parents are excited for me to move back north after graduation, so I am not sure how to break this to them.

I miss my family, but think this is the city for me. What should I tell them about my permanent move? -- Post-Grad Life, Atlanta

DEAR POST-GRAD LIFE: Welcome to the beginning of your independence. As difficult as this will be, it is your obligation to speak up for yourself and let your parents know your interests and intentions. Be courageous. Tell your parents you want to share your vision for your future with them. Outline your ideas for the next few years. Acknowledge that you will miss them terribly, and you know they will miss you. Commit to visiting them, and invite them to visit you. Ask for their blessing as you begin to navigate your journey as an adult.

Stay in close touch with them. Consider scheduling a weekly call so that you manage their expectations and create a discipline around communicating with them. The transition will be easier for them the more responsibly you handle it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost one of my mom’s earrings, which she let me borrow for a party. I know that she is going to be so mad at me if I tell her I lost the earring. She told me to put them in a plastic bag when I took them off so I wouldn’t lose them. I skipped that step. Should I wait until she asks for the earrings or just tell her that I lost one of them? -- One Earring Left, Portland, Oregon

DEAR ONE EARRING LEFT: Have you retraced your steps carefully? Did you go back to the party and look around? If it was at someone’s home, did you check with the family? Earrings often show up.

Same for when you got home: Did you look outside your front door? The path to your room? Around and under your bed? After you have exhausted all possibilities, confess to your mom. Do not wait until she asks. Admit to her that you forgot the most important step that she recommended, to put her earrings in a bag, and you lost one of them. Apologize profusely both for losing the earring and for not following her directions. Offer to replace them.

By being up-front about what happened, you will show your mother that you are working to be responsible. Whatever punishment she offers, accept with humility.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boss recently pulled me aside and asked me to show some more skin on the job, seeing as it might get me more tips and happier customers. I am a pretty conservative dresser, and I have this waitressing job to get me through school. It is true that I am the most conservative dresser at the restaurant, but I didn’t think anything of it. The other women wear skirts rather than pants and fitted tops rather than loose polo shirts. I hadn’t paid much attention to how they dressed before my boss said this. I was just happy that we didn’t have to wear a uniform. Should I take her advice? I feel uneasy that my boss told me to do this, but I think I may see better tips. -- Advising Boss, Denver

DEAR ADVISING BOSS: Your boss’s words skirt dangerously close to inappropriate, and yet they may also point to the trend in this restaurant. Though there is no uniform, if there is a general way that most servers dress and you are far more conservative, you probably stand out as different. What can you do about that? You should alter your attire only to the extent that you feel comfortable. So, if you have a skirt that could work or a more fitted top, go for it.

That said, I recommend that you engage your customers more instead of changing your appearance. Look them in the eye and smile, and greet each person. Be friendly and excellent at your job. Serve them well. Remember repeat customers, and do your best to use your personality to draw tips rather than your body.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, "Jack," has a very old dog who he takes everywhere. Jack’s defense for this is that his dog is dying, and he wants him to experience as much as possible. I understand the love one has for a furry companion, but I can't imagine taking my dogs anywhere while their health is failing. His dog has thrown up in my home on multiple occasions. Should I say something to Jack about how upsetting and inappropriate it is for him to take his dog everywhere? -- Thumbs Preferred, Bethpage, New York

DEAR THUMBS PREFERRED: Many pet owners treat their pets as if they are their children. Appeal to Jack in this way. Tell him how sorry you are that his dog is ill and that you know how hard this must be on him to handle. Listen to the litany of ills that Jack’s dog inevitably is experiencing at that moment with true compassion and interest. Just like people, dogs can have a range of illnesses that can slowly deteriorate their bodies. My sister has two old dogs who have diabetes and have become blind, for example. It is so difficult for her to see their demise, and so expensive for her to care for them properly.

Express your compassion, followed by asking if you can share an observation with Jack. With his permission, tell him you know he considers his dog as family, and as such you think he should not be taking him out and about during this fragile time. Remind him of the times when the dog has gotten sick in your home. Admit that being in the company of this sick dog is awkward for you. If you know that it bothers other friends, tell him that, too. Suggest that he leave the dog at home during his social interactions, even if he needs to hire someone to watch the dog, much like one hires a baby sitter or nurse when a family member is ill. That, by the way, is what my sister does.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was in a tight spot financially, my parents offered to match my savings and get me a used car. I did not ask them for this money, and they said it was a gift. I am still making ends meet, but I feel like I should be thinking about repaying my family’s financial gift. How should I bring this up with my parents? I'd feel like a dead weight if I never gave them back the money. -- Driving Me Crazy, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR DRIVING ME CRAZY: You should believe your parents. If they said the match was a gift, I’m sure it was. Gifts are easier for the giver to manage because there are no strings attached. Rather than focusing on paying back money that is not officially on your debt list, review your current bills and work on paying them down. When you are liquid, start building a fund for your parents. When it meets the amount they gave you, present it as a gift of gratitude to them for their loving support.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)