DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, "Jack," has a very old dog who he takes everywhere. Jack’s defense for this is that his dog is dying, and he wants him to experience as much as possible. I understand the love one has for a furry companion, but I can't imagine taking my dogs anywhere while their health is failing. His dog has thrown up in my home on multiple occasions. Should I say something to Jack about how upsetting and inappropriate it is for him to take his dog everywhere? -- Thumbs Preferred, Bethpage, New York

DEAR THUMBS PREFERRED: Many pet owners treat their pets as if they are their children. Appeal to Jack in this way. Tell him how sorry you are that his dog is ill and that you know how hard this must be on him to handle. Listen to the litany of ills that Jack’s dog inevitably is experiencing at that moment with true compassion and interest. Just like people, dogs can have a range of illnesses that can slowly deteriorate their bodies. My sister has two old dogs who have diabetes and have become blind, for example. It is so difficult for her to see their demise, and so expensive for her to care for them properly.

Express your compassion, followed by asking if you can share an observation with Jack. With his permission, tell him you know he considers his dog as family, and as such you think he should not be taking him out and about during this fragile time. Remind him of the times when the dog has gotten sick in your home. Admit that being in the company of this sick dog is awkward for you. If you know that it bothers other friends, tell him that, too. Suggest that he leave the dog at home during his social interactions, even if he needs to hire someone to watch the dog, much like one hires a baby sitter or nurse when a family member is ill. That, by the way, is what my sister does.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was in a tight spot financially, my parents offered to match my savings and get me a used car. I did not ask them for this money, and they said it was a gift. I am still making ends meet, but I feel like I should be thinking about repaying my family’s financial gift. How should I bring this up with my parents? I'd feel like a dead weight if I never gave them back the money. -- Driving Me Crazy, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR DRIVING ME CRAZY: You should believe your parents. If they said the match was a gift, I’m sure it was. Gifts are easier for the giver to manage because there are no strings attached. Rather than focusing on paying back money that is not officially on your debt list, review your current bills and work on paying them down. When you are liquid, start building a fund for your parents. When it meets the amount they gave you, present it as a gift of gratitude to them for their loving support.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has a formal manner of dressing, and I have never been a fan of changing into a dress just to go downstairs for family dinner. My mother and sister especially rag on my style and tell me to stop being so “sloppy” and to “try a little.” I tend to spend my money on outdoor gear or plane tickets, not $300 shoes. Is there any way I could get them to appreciate my laid-back style, or do I just have to learn to let their comments roll off my back? -- Not en Mode, Salem, Massachusetts

DEAR NOT EN MODE: My guess is that your family’s dinner style is not new. As you are growing into yourself, you must be stretching the limits, which is upsetting them. I totally get it. And yet, you should offer respect to your family’s traditions.

The entreaty to “try a little” gives you some wiggle room. Can you consider what is in your wardrobe that still looks like you but also gives a nod to your family’s style? I understand why you may not want to do this, but I want to tell you that this will be great practice for when you go out into the world. Chances are, you will find yourself in situations for work or even socially when you will need to dress up. The good news is you know how to do that. The challenge is figuring out what dressing up means to you.

Rather than bucking your family, get creative and discover your personal dress-up style that at least slightly bridges back to theirs. This will be a skill that you will need as you navigate your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently dealing with bad acne. It has gotten progressively worse, even though I keep up with my skin-care routine, and I am badgered by my beauty-conscious friends to make sure I try X and Y tips. I didn't care much at first that I was breaking out because I was too stressed, but now I am beginning to panic that this bumpy complexion may become permanent. Should I be taking steps to become acne free, or is beauty truly on the inside? -- Bumpy, Detroit

DEAR BUMPY: Acne is a condition that many adolescents experience. For some, it lasts much longer than the teenage years. Whether one is beauty conscious or not, every person with acne should take great care with his or her skin to keep it healthy. That includes not scratching or squeezing bumps, no matter how tempting it may be.

Schedule an appointment with a dermatologist. Because your acne is bad, you may benefit from prescribed topical treatments to help diminish your condition. Your doctor may also suggest dietary changes that will clean your system and support healthy skin. If you eat a lot of fatty or fried foods, eliminate them from your diet now. Same for sugary drinks. Ask your mother to get you to the doctor ASAP to get a professional evaluation and regimen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandma has been experiencing early symptoms of dementia and has been growing increasingly irritated with the family. My aunt persuaded her to see a doctor, and Grandma was on medication that made her -- and everyone around her -- happier. When her symptoms went away, she stopped taking her medication. My aunt has reached out to me to try to talk some sense into my aging grandmother. What can I say to her to approach this topic sensitively but firmly? Everyone’s patience is wearing thin. -- Getting Better, Milwaukee

DEAR GETTING BETTER: What needs to happen is your grandmother’s adult point person -- your aunt or someone else who has been taking her to the doctor and monitoring her health -- must schedule a doctor’s appointment where your grandmother is told by her doctor that she needs to take her medication. This same family representative should also find out if there are other ways to put the medicine into food so that your grandmother takes it without realizing it. Dementia can be a devastating disease. It surely is not your responsibility to manage her disease. You cannot shoulder that responsibility.

Spend more time with your grandmother, if possible. Learn her daily routine and about all of her medications. Ask her to tell you about what she takes and when. If she tells you she doesn’t need medication anymore, ask her if her doctor told her that. Encourage her to take it anyway, because you’ve been told that when she takes her medication she feels so good she doesn’t remember that she needs it, but she does. Make clear to the adults in your family that the doctor needs to intervene.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Ever since my mother remarried, I have a much larger family than usual. My stepfamily is very close, which leaves my sister and me on the sidelines occasionally. Honestly, I am OK with this because they are very obnoxious and exclusive, but I know my stepfather feels as though he is failing at bringing the family together. Do I have to be close to my new family? My sister and I are both adults on our own schedules. -- Wrong Crew, Dallas

DEAR WRONG CREW: For context, please know that even for small families and families that have not experienced the addition of stepparents and children, once the children are grown and living their own lives, it is common for gatherings with everyone present to occur only a few times a year.

That said, relax. Think about which new family members best complement you. Choose to build a relationship with those people so that you do stay connected. This should include your stepfather. Choose to talk to him when you call your mother. Cultivate a bond with him that feels comfortable for you. Be clear about what your sister would like so that you incorporate her wishes into your shared intention.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)