DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has a formal manner of dressing, and I have never been a fan of changing into a dress just to go downstairs for family dinner. My mother and sister especially rag on my style and tell me to stop being so “sloppy” and to “try a little.” I tend to spend my money on outdoor gear or plane tickets, not $300 shoes. Is there any way I could get them to appreciate my laid-back style, or do I just have to learn to let their comments roll off my back? -- Not en Mode, Salem, Massachusetts

DEAR NOT EN MODE: My guess is that your family’s dinner style is not new. As you are growing into yourself, you must be stretching the limits, which is upsetting them. I totally get it. And yet, you should offer respect to your family’s traditions.

The entreaty to “try a little” gives you some wiggle room. Can you consider what is in your wardrobe that still looks like you but also gives a nod to your family’s style? I understand why you may not want to do this, but I want to tell you that this will be great practice for when you go out into the world. Chances are, you will find yourself in situations for work or even socially when you will need to dress up. The good news is you know how to do that. The challenge is figuring out what dressing up means to you.

Rather than bucking your family, get creative and discover your personal dress-up style that at least slightly bridges back to theirs. This will be a skill that you will need as you navigate your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently dealing with bad acne. It has gotten progressively worse, even though I keep up with my skin-care routine, and I am badgered by my beauty-conscious friends to make sure I try X and Y tips. I didn't care much at first that I was breaking out because I was too stressed, but now I am beginning to panic that this bumpy complexion may become permanent. Should I be taking steps to become acne free, or is beauty truly on the inside? -- Bumpy, Detroit

DEAR BUMPY: Acne is a condition that many adolescents experience. For some, it lasts much longer than the teenage years. Whether one is beauty conscious or not, every person with acne should take great care with his or her skin to keep it healthy. That includes not scratching or squeezing bumps, no matter how tempting it may be.

Schedule an appointment with a dermatologist. Because your acne is bad, you may benefit from prescribed topical treatments to help diminish your condition. Your doctor may also suggest dietary changes that will clean your system and support healthy skin. If you eat a lot of fatty or fried foods, eliminate them from your diet now. Same for sugary drinks. Ask your mother to get you to the doctor ASAP to get a professional evaluation and regimen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandma has been experiencing early symptoms of dementia and has been growing increasingly irritated with the family. My aunt persuaded her to see a doctor, and Grandma was on medication that made her -- and everyone around her -- happier. When her symptoms went away, she stopped taking her medication. My aunt has reached out to me to try to talk some sense into my aging grandmother. What can I say to her to approach this topic sensitively but firmly? Everyone’s patience is wearing thin. -- Getting Better, Milwaukee

DEAR GETTING BETTER: What needs to happen is your grandmother’s adult point person -- your aunt or someone else who has been taking her to the doctor and monitoring her health -- must schedule a doctor’s appointment where your grandmother is told by her doctor that she needs to take her medication. This same family representative should also find out if there are other ways to put the medicine into food so that your grandmother takes it without realizing it. Dementia can be a devastating disease. It surely is not your responsibility to manage her disease. You cannot shoulder that responsibility.

Spend more time with your grandmother, if possible. Learn her daily routine and about all of her medications. Ask her to tell you about what she takes and when. If she tells you she doesn’t need medication anymore, ask her if her doctor told her that. Encourage her to take it anyway, because you’ve been told that when she takes her medication she feels so good she doesn’t remember that she needs it, but she does. Make clear to the adults in your family that the doctor needs to intervene.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Ever since my mother remarried, I have a much larger family than usual. My stepfamily is very close, which leaves my sister and me on the sidelines occasionally. Honestly, I am OK with this because they are very obnoxious and exclusive, but I know my stepfather feels as though he is failing at bringing the family together. Do I have to be close to my new family? My sister and I are both adults on our own schedules. -- Wrong Crew, Dallas

DEAR WRONG CREW: For context, please know that even for small families and families that have not experienced the addition of stepparents and children, once the children are grown and living their own lives, it is common for gatherings with everyone present to occur only a few times a year.

That said, relax. Think about which new family members best complement you. Choose to build a relationship with those people so that you do stay connected. This should include your stepfather. Choose to talk to him when you call your mother. Cultivate a bond with him that feels comfortable for you. Be clear about what your sister would like so that you incorporate her wishes into your shared intention.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After so many recent terrorist attacks, I am afraid of being in public spaces. I do not want my adult children traveling to cities that have been attacked, either. Even using underground public transportation makes me anxious. In these times of uncertainty, what can I do to stop wanting to be a recluse? I do not feel safe. -- Safely Hiding, South Orange, New Jersey

DEAR SAFELY HIDING: There is no easy answer to your question, as locally, nationally and globally, we are dealing with a new level of seemingly daily threats. I remember from as far back as right after 9/11 that President George W. Bush urged Americans to go on with their lives -- go to work, go to school, go shopping, choose to enjoy their lives. President Obama reinforced this call for democratic behavior after the tragic shootings at schools, movie theaters and other public arenas.

I trust that you have taught your adult children to be cautious. What you don’t want is to make them afraid of what they cannot control -- random acts of terror or general violence. Instead, suggest that they check State Department reports for health and safety advisories before they travel. Remind them to be aware of their surroundings. It’s wise to avoid huge crowds as well. Do not frighten them out of believing that they should be able to live free lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister, "Renata," lives in the same town as me, and we frequently have our children play together as “group baby-sitting” to get some free time. I’ve noticed that separately she has been using my oldest daughter as a baby sitter, but not paying her because Renata thinks that my daughter, "Anna," would be home regardless. I don’t think it’s right for Anna to feel burdened to baby-sit her siblings and cousins whenever her aunt sees fit. How do I confront Renata about her behavior? -- No Family Discount, Annapolis, Maryland

DEAR NO FAMILY DISCOUNT: What has yet to occur is for the two of you to set parameters for baby-sitting in your family. What is the difference between “group baby-sitting” and the times when Renata brings her children over? Renata may see no difference. It isn’t obvious to me. If you want your daughter to be paid for baby-sitting the group of siblings and cousins, why not pay her for these engagements?

You and Renata should agree on a fee that you will pay her for the group baby-sitting times. It will be your job to enforce that both of you pay your share. When Renata brings her children over to be watched, let her know what she should pay Anna for that. Follow up to ensure that she is paid. While it is expected that older children should help care for their siblings sometimes as part of family duty, it would be kind of you to pay Anna with some consistency so that she will not be confused and will learn to value her time just as you value it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)