DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandma has been experiencing early symptoms of dementia and has been growing increasingly irritated with the family. My aunt persuaded her to see a doctor, and Grandma was on medication that made her -- and everyone around her -- happier. When her symptoms went away, she stopped taking her medication. My aunt has reached out to me to try to talk some sense into my aging grandmother. What can I say to her to approach this topic sensitively but firmly? Everyone’s patience is wearing thin. -- Getting Better, Milwaukee

DEAR GETTING BETTER: What needs to happen is your grandmother’s adult point person -- your aunt or someone else who has been taking her to the doctor and monitoring her health -- must schedule a doctor’s appointment where your grandmother is told by her doctor that she needs to take her medication. This same family representative should also find out if there are other ways to put the medicine into food so that your grandmother takes it without realizing it. Dementia can be a devastating disease. It surely is not your responsibility to manage her disease. You cannot shoulder that responsibility.

Spend more time with your grandmother, if possible. Learn her daily routine and about all of her medications. Ask her to tell you about what she takes and when. If she tells you she doesn’t need medication anymore, ask her if her doctor told her that. Encourage her to take it anyway, because you’ve been told that when she takes her medication she feels so good she doesn’t remember that she needs it, but she does. Make clear to the adults in your family that the doctor needs to intervene.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Ever since my mother remarried, I have a much larger family than usual. My stepfamily is very close, which leaves my sister and me on the sidelines occasionally. Honestly, I am OK with this because they are very obnoxious and exclusive, but I know my stepfather feels as though he is failing at bringing the family together. Do I have to be close to my new family? My sister and I are both adults on our own schedules. -- Wrong Crew, Dallas

DEAR WRONG CREW: For context, please know that even for small families and families that have not experienced the addition of stepparents and children, once the children are grown and living their own lives, it is common for gatherings with everyone present to occur only a few times a year.

That said, relax. Think about which new family members best complement you. Choose to build a relationship with those people so that you do stay connected. This should include your stepfather. Choose to talk to him when you call your mother. Cultivate a bond with him that feels comfortable for you. Be clear about what your sister would like so that you incorporate her wishes into your shared intention.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After so many recent terrorist attacks, I am afraid of being in public spaces. I do not want my adult children traveling to cities that have been attacked, either. Even using underground public transportation makes me anxious. In these times of uncertainty, what can I do to stop wanting to be a recluse? I do not feel safe. -- Safely Hiding, South Orange, New Jersey

DEAR SAFELY HIDING: There is no easy answer to your question, as locally, nationally and globally, we are dealing with a new level of seemingly daily threats. I remember from as far back as right after 9/11 that President George W. Bush urged Americans to go on with their lives -- go to work, go to school, go shopping, choose to enjoy their lives. President Obama reinforced this call for democratic behavior after the tragic shootings at schools, movie theaters and other public arenas.

I trust that you have taught your adult children to be cautious. What you don’t want is to make them afraid of what they cannot control -- random acts of terror or general violence. Instead, suggest that they check State Department reports for health and safety advisories before they travel. Remind them to be aware of their surroundings. It’s wise to avoid huge crowds as well. Do not frighten them out of believing that they should be able to live free lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister, "Renata," lives in the same town as me, and we frequently have our children play together as “group baby-sitting” to get some free time. I’ve noticed that separately she has been using my oldest daughter as a baby sitter, but not paying her because Renata thinks that my daughter, "Anna," would be home regardless. I don’t think it’s right for Anna to feel burdened to baby-sit her siblings and cousins whenever her aunt sees fit. How do I confront Renata about her behavior? -- No Family Discount, Annapolis, Maryland

DEAR NO FAMILY DISCOUNT: What has yet to occur is for the two of you to set parameters for baby-sitting in your family. What is the difference between “group baby-sitting” and the times when Renata brings her children over? Renata may see no difference. It isn’t obvious to me. If you want your daughter to be paid for baby-sitting the group of siblings and cousins, why not pay her for these engagements?

You and Renata should agree on a fee that you will pay her for the group baby-sitting times. It will be your job to enforce that both of you pay your share. When Renata brings her children over to be watched, let her know what she should pay Anna for that. Follow up to ensure that she is paid. While it is expected that older children should help care for their siblings sometimes as part of family duty, it would be kind of you to pay Anna with some consistency so that she will not be confused and will learn to value her time just as you value it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is very indecisive. She does not understand that her behavior influences others’ lives. For example, she bailed on a family vacation after we had already paid for it, citing that she just doesn’t feel like it is the right decision anymore. How can I balance her indecisiveness without going insane? I can’t just exclude my sister from family gatherings. -- Choose One, Minneapolis

DEAR CHOOSE ONE: You can work on making your sister more accountable. If she didn’t pay for her share of the family vacation, tell her she will have to pay for it because the family was all in it together, and she will be creating a hardship on the rest of you by not taking care of her part.

In the future, continue to invite her to participate in activities, but give parameters. Require her to pay for her part. More important than her wallet is her heart. Appeal to her love of family. Remind her how much your family loves and wants to be with her. Explain that when she flakes, it hurts everyone’s feelings. Ask her to think about the rest of you before she bails on family activities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a divorced parent who does not have full custody of my children. My ex-wife and I get along well, but she has recently been harping on me for missing my son’s basketball games. I work long hours to be able to have my son play sports and have all the newest clothes, so I can’t leave work early to go to these games. My ex says it affects my son, and I’m being a bad father. Should I just ignore what my ex-wife says? My son seems happy with the gifts I can give him, and those come from my long hours at work. -- Not Always Around, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR NOT ALWAYS AROUND: Your intentions are honorable and understandable. It takes a lot of money to support a child and yourself, even more sometimes when you are not living with your child. Even for parents who live together, often one of them is working many hours and largely unavailable to be present to support extracurricular activities.

Here’s what I know: While children love “stuff,” they typically prefer their parents' loving presence, cheerleading and engagement a whole lot more. Your ex-wife is not wrong in pointing out to you that your son needs you -- literally your butt in a seat -- at least sometimes. I recommend that you review the sports calendar and figure out a way to attend at least one or two games per season. Similarly, during the summer, find time to participate in activities with him. Those bonding moments are priceless and will be remembered for years to come, even as the clothes will become too small and out of style.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)