DEAR HARRIETTE: After so many recent terrorist attacks, I am afraid of being in public spaces. I do not want my adult children traveling to cities that have been attacked, either. Even using underground public transportation makes me anxious. In these times of uncertainty, what can I do to stop wanting to be a recluse? I do not feel safe. -- Safely Hiding, South Orange, New Jersey

DEAR SAFELY HIDING: There is no easy answer to your question, as locally, nationally and globally, we are dealing with a new level of seemingly daily threats. I remember from as far back as right after 9/11 that President George W. Bush urged Americans to go on with their lives -- go to work, go to school, go shopping, choose to enjoy their lives. President Obama reinforced this call for democratic behavior after the tragic shootings at schools, movie theaters and other public arenas.

I trust that you have taught your adult children to be cautious. What you don’t want is to make them afraid of what they cannot control -- random acts of terror or general violence. Instead, suggest that they check State Department reports for health and safety advisories before they travel. Remind them to be aware of their surroundings. It’s wise to avoid huge crowds as well. Do not frighten them out of believing that they should be able to live free lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister, "Renata," lives in the same town as me, and we frequently have our children play together as “group baby-sitting” to get some free time. I’ve noticed that separately she has been using my oldest daughter as a baby sitter, but not paying her because Renata thinks that my daughter, "Anna," would be home regardless. I don’t think it’s right for Anna to feel burdened to baby-sit her siblings and cousins whenever her aunt sees fit. How do I confront Renata about her behavior? -- No Family Discount, Annapolis, Maryland

DEAR NO FAMILY DISCOUNT: What has yet to occur is for the two of you to set parameters for baby-sitting in your family. What is the difference between “group baby-sitting” and the times when Renata brings her children over? Renata may see no difference. It isn’t obvious to me. If you want your daughter to be paid for baby-sitting the group of siblings and cousins, why not pay her for these engagements?

You and Renata should agree on a fee that you will pay her for the group baby-sitting times. It will be your job to enforce that both of you pay your share. When Renata brings her children over to be watched, let her know what she should pay Anna for that. Follow up to ensure that she is paid. While it is expected that older children should help care for their siblings sometimes as part of family duty, it would be kind of you to pay Anna with some consistency so that she will not be confused and will learn to value her time just as you value it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is very indecisive. She does not understand that her behavior influences others’ lives. For example, she bailed on a family vacation after we had already paid for it, citing that she just doesn’t feel like it is the right decision anymore. How can I balance her indecisiveness without going insane? I can’t just exclude my sister from family gatherings. -- Choose One, Minneapolis

DEAR CHOOSE ONE: You can work on making your sister more accountable. If she didn’t pay for her share of the family vacation, tell her she will have to pay for it because the family was all in it together, and she will be creating a hardship on the rest of you by not taking care of her part.

In the future, continue to invite her to participate in activities, but give parameters. Require her to pay for her part. More important than her wallet is her heart. Appeal to her love of family. Remind her how much your family loves and wants to be with her. Explain that when she flakes, it hurts everyone’s feelings. Ask her to think about the rest of you before she bails on family activities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a divorced parent who does not have full custody of my children. My ex-wife and I get along well, but she has recently been harping on me for missing my son’s basketball games. I work long hours to be able to have my son play sports and have all the newest clothes, so I can’t leave work early to go to these games. My ex says it affects my son, and I’m being a bad father. Should I just ignore what my ex-wife says? My son seems happy with the gifts I can give him, and those come from my long hours at work. -- Not Always Around, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR NOT ALWAYS AROUND: Your intentions are honorable and understandable. It takes a lot of money to support a child and yourself, even more sometimes when you are not living with your child. Even for parents who live together, often one of them is working many hours and largely unavailable to be present to support extracurricular activities.

Here’s what I know: While children love “stuff,” they typically prefer their parents' loving presence, cheerleading and engagement a whole lot more. Your ex-wife is not wrong in pointing out to you that your son needs you -- literally your butt in a seat -- at least sometimes. I recommend that you review the sports calendar and figure out a way to attend at least one or two games per season. Similarly, during the summer, find time to participate in activities with him. Those bonding moments are priceless and will be remembered for years to come, even as the clothes will become too small and out of style.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend who moved away a few years ago is now moving back to my town. We fell out of contact over the last year because she left. A few days ago, she came in contact, informing me that she was moving back. She never put in the effort to keep the friendship going when she moved away, so I stopped, too.

I have an established group of friends, and it is going to be tough to rekindle my friendship with this girl. Since she knows me, she wants to cling to me. I am not sure I even want to be best friends again. What is the best move? -- Distant Friend, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR DISTANT FRIEND: You do not need to figure out the future just yet. Consider it respectful that your friend let you know she is moving back home. Don’t read any more into it right now. When it is convenient for you -- and she initiates the call -- agree to get together with her and hear her out. Find out what she has been doing over the past few years, and what brings her back. Let her know that it hurt your feelings that she left and didn’t bother to stay in touch with you. You can forgive her without agreeing to include her in your new friend group.

If you feel that a heart-to-heart will be heard, tell her that you have moved on and that you aren’t inclined to incorporate her in your new circle of friends. If you have any interest in rekindling a bond with her, you can agree to get together with her on occasion and see how it works. You may find that you want to be friends again. Either way, forgive her for not being as connected as you would have liked. Let the present unfold before you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: College is coming up. My parents keep warning me that college is a lot more difficult than high school. They tell me that since I am going to have a lot more free time, I am going to have to learn to manage it well. I am nervous that I am not going to be able to keep up with the work. I love to procrastinate, and I know that I will not be successful if I continue that trend. It was fine in high school, but it must change for college. What do I do? How do I change it? -- Procrastinator 101, Topeka, Kansas

DEAR PROCRASTINATOR 101: How well did you do in high school? In the classes where you excelled, what did you do to stay the course? A great way for you to develop discipline for school is to build upon any good habits that you have as you also establish more positive habits. This includes keeping a calendar of your classes and your assignments. Give yourself deadlines that are ahead of your professors’ deadlines so that you have time to review your work, complete all details and turn it in on time. Most important: You must begin to believe that your life is valuable and that education will help you to build a happy, healthy life. With faith and focus, you can reverse the trend of procrastination. You have to believe you are worth it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)