DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is very indecisive. She does not understand that her behavior influences others’ lives. For example, she bailed on a family vacation after we had already paid for it, citing that she just doesn’t feel like it is the right decision anymore. How can I balance her indecisiveness without going insane? I can’t just exclude my sister from family gatherings. -- Choose One, Minneapolis

DEAR CHOOSE ONE: You can work on making your sister more accountable. If she didn’t pay for her share of the family vacation, tell her she will have to pay for it because the family was all in it together, and she will be creating a hardship on the rest of you by not taking care of her part.

In the future, continue to invite her to participate in activities, but give parameters. Require her to pay for her part. More important than her wallet is her heart. Appeal to her love of family. Remind her how much your family loves and wants to be with her. Explain that when she flakes, it hurts everyone’s feelings. Ask her to think about the rest of you before she bails on family activities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a divorced parent who does not have full custody of my children. My ex-wife and I get along well, but she has recently been harping on me for missing my son’s basketball games. I work long hours to be able to have my son play sports and have all the newest clothes, so I can’t leave work early to go to these games. My ex says it affects my son, and I’m being a bad father. Should I just ignore what my ex-wife says? My son seems happy with the gifts I can give him, and those come from my long hours at work. -- Not Always Around, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR NOT ALWAYS AROUND: Your intentions are honorable and understandable. It takes a lot of money to support a child and yourself, even more sometimes when you are not living with your child. Even for parents who live together, often one of them is working many hours and largely unavailable to be present to support extracurricular activities.

Here’s what I know: While children love “stuff,” they typically prefer their parents' loving presence, cheerleading and engagement a whole lot more. Your ex-wife is not wrong in pointing out to you that your son needs you -- literally your butt in a seat -- at least sometimes. I recommend that you review the sports calendar and figure out a way to attend at least one or two games per season. Similarly, during the summer, find time to participate in activities with him. Those bonding moments are priceless and will be remembered for years to come, even as the clothes will become too small and out of style.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend who moved away a few years ago is now moving back to my town. We fell out of contact over the last year because she left. A few days ago, she came in contact, informing me that she was moving back. She never put in the effort to keep the friendship going when she moved away, so I stopped, too.

I have an established group of friends, and it is going to be tough to rekindle my friendship with this girl. Since she knows me, she wants to cling to me. I am not sure I even want to be best friends again. What is the best move? -- Distant Friend, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR DISTANT FRIEND: You do not need to figure out the future just yet. Consider it respectful that your friend let you know she is moving back home. Don’t read any more into it right now. When it is convenient for you -- and she initiates the call -- agree to get together with her and hear her out. Find out what she has been doing over the past few years, and what brings her back. Let her know that it hurt your feelings that she left and didn’t bother to stay in touch with you. You can forgive her without agreeing to include her in your new friend group.

If you feel that a heart-to-heart will be heard, tell her that you have moved on and that you aren’t inclined to incorporate her in your new circle of friends. If you have any interest in rekindling a bond with her, you can agree to get together with her on occasion and see how it works. You may find that you want to be friends again. Either way, forgive her for not being as connected as you would have liked. Let the present unfold before you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: College is coming up. My parents keep warning me that college is a lot more difficult than high school. They tell me that since I am going to have a lot more free time, I am going to have to learn to manage it well. I am nervous that I am not going to be able to keep up with the work. I love to procrastinate, and I know that I will not be successful if I continue that trend. It was fine in high school, but it must change for college. What do I do? How do I change it? -- Procrastinator 101, Topeka, Kansas

DEAR PROCRASTINATOR 101: How well did you do in high school? In the classes where you excelled, what did you do to stay the course? A great way for you to develop discipline for school is to build upon any good habits that you have as you also establish more positive habits. This includes keeping a calendar of your classes and your assignments. Give yourself deadlines that are ahead of your professors’ deadlines so that you have time to review your work, complete all details and turn it in on time. Most important: You must begin to believe that your life is valuable and that education will help you to build a happy, healthy life. With faith and focus, you can reverse the trend of procrastination. You have to believe you are worth it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After being a teacher in my district for 25 years, I was offered the position of school principal. I had already been thinking about retirement and everything I still want to see in the world. I was planning on retirement in the next 10 years, but if I accept this position, that wouldn’t be a possibility. The salary, however, is significantly more than I am making now. Should I take on this position to have a cushier retirement fund and sacrifice a few years still working? -- New Opportunities, Salisbury, Maryland

DEAR NEW OPPORTUNITIES: Congratulations on the honor of being offered the role of principal after so many years of service. Before you pass on the job, consider a few things. Start with why you think you would have to work for more than 10 years. Unless you have a contract that requires a specific tenure, this may not be a valid issue. What will be important is evaluating your energy level and your willingness to put in the work. Being principal is a much bigger job than being a teacher, and it requires different skills. You will have to establish a vision, administer a large staff and follow governmental guidelines. If you are up to the tasks before you, consider this a golden opportunity. Then set goals for yourself and work to meet them.

If you want to retire in a particular period of time, map out a plan that allows you to reach the academic goals you envision and retire as you desire.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going to college in a few months, and I am very nervous about it. I have never left home for a long period of time. I never went to sleepaway camp, and I never liked to sleep out of the house. I am nervous that I am going to get homesick and want to come home. I am scared that I am not going to like the people or the school. What do you suggest I do to prepare for the next four years? -- Nervous Student, Trenton, New Jersey

DEAR NERVOUS STUDENT: Find out what extracurricular activities are available at your school that are of interest to you. Join affinity groups that match your interests so that you fill up your free time. The more connected you are to engaging opportunities, the less time you will have to be homesick. Find out if any students from your high school or neighborhood will be attending your college. Do your best to connect with anyone you already know, at least for the initial transition time. While in your classes, notice students who share your interests. When you identify someone who may share similar preferences, speak to that person and see if the two of you naturally connect. Homesickness takes a backseat when you meet new friends and begin the adventure of your new life.

Also establish a regular time when you talk to your parents. You may start with a daily call and end up calling weekly. As you establish your independence, don’t forget to stay in touch with them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)