Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: A boy who I have gone on a few dates with recently texted me telling me he got us tickets to the circus. I do not support animal abuse, and this circus uses animals in their performances. I told him that I would prefer not to go and that he should take someone else. He overreacted and told me that I should choose a fun date over the animals. Do I have to justify my stance to him? I cannot see this relationship going anywhere anymore. -- Ringleader, Dallas

DEAR RINGLEADER: It may not be time to cut off this boy entirely. He made an honest mistake while having the intention to come up with a creative idea for a date. You should give him credit for thinking outside the box, beyond a bar or the movies. That said, you surely do not have to go to a circus if it offends your principles.

I think that this has a lot to do with tone. You are clear about your beliefs about animal abuse. You can continue to stand your ground on that point without judging this person. Thank him for trying to come up with a fun experience. Ask him if you two can talk about what another good idea might be. See if he is flexible at all about figuring out a Plan B. If you allow yourselves to get to know each other better, you may discover that you have more similarities than differences. Give it a chance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met someone through an online dating app, and we switched to texting to get to know each other better. From there, the conversations got significantly stranger. He would ask me to meet him at strange times (3 a.m. on a Thursday, 9 a.m. on a Monday) and become angry when I would not respond immediately.

I have never met him in person, but I have been speaking to him over text for about a month. I want this all to disappear. Can I just block him because I know I will never meet up with him or see him? -- Rude-i-tude, Seattle

DEAR RUDE-I-TUDE: Clearly, this guy does not represent a relationship you want to pursue. It’s too bad that he has your telephone number, but you do not have to take it any further. A 3 a.m. invitation is what most would consider a “booty call.” A 9 a.m. invitation suggest that he doesn’t work. While there could be other reasons for these oddly timed invitations, if your gut tells you to walk away, listen to yourself.

You can tell him nicely that you don’t want to continue communicating with him. You should be gracious and thank him for taking the time to get to know you better. Ask him to stop texting you. If he won’t, check to see if you can block him on your phone. You do not need to respond anymore. You should also give the dating site feedback on him, if it's possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a small town and have noticed my ex-girlfriend's car driving around outside my house more than usual. When we broke up, she slashed my tires and keyed my car, so I don't want to put myself at risk of an outburst from her, but I want to stop feeling so uneasy knowing she is rolling my home. I don't think the police should get involved, but I don't know how she'd react if I confronted her about her behavior. How do I get her to stop looping around my home? -- Repeat Sightings, Near Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR REPEAT SIGHTINGS: Unfortunately, the only real measure you have is to report your ex-girlfriend's behavior to the police. It is unlikely that she will be arrested since she isn't doing anything illegal right now, but it will set a precedent. You can tell the police about what your ex did upon your breakup. Be specific and unemotional. Ask the authorities for advice on what to do to protect yourself from your ex now. Meanwhile, keep your distance.

If you have occasion to communicate with her, apologize for whatever you did to hurt her. Invite her to agree to move on, just as you are doing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My young adult children have been slyly drinking at family events recently. They are 20-year-old twins, so they have not reached the legal drinking age. I caught my son holding a beer in the kitchen and immediately made him pour it down the drain. He does not even know his own limits!

Is my son being disrespectful by drinking in my home? I think so; however, my wife thinks it is safer that he drinks with us to figure out how he handles his liquor. -- Family Not Booze, Dallas

DEAR FAMILY NOT BOOZE: You probably already know that it is common for teenagers to drink without their parents' permission. Your children are almost of-age. While I do not condone underage drinking, I will say that it is likely that if they were drinking in your home, there's a good chance they have been drinking in other places, too.

Do your best to have a nonjudgmental conversation with your kids about their choices. Remind them of the reasons you do not recommend that they drink. At the same time, acknowledge how common it is for people their age. Ask them how often they drink. Go slowly with this conversation, as it is usually difficult for young people to admit their illicit behavior, especially to their parents.

I cannot recommend that you let your children drink at home. I can tell you that many families do make that choice so that they can watch their children, know that they are not driving and help them to learn to make smart decisions. If you do allow them to drink at home, do not let them have parties with their friends with alcohol. You will be liable if anything happens to them, from alcohol poisoning to drunk driving.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I participated in an amateur filmmaking competition with a group of four, and we won it. I am very proud of myself and the hefty cash prize. The money has not been split up yet, and two of the members believe that I should get the largest sum because I did all of the shooting and editing. The third, "Steve," thinks that it should all be split evenly. Steve barely did any work on this film, but he supplied the camera. How should we end up splitting the money? -- Cut!, Denver

DEAR CUT!: Congratulations on your award! This is very exciting. Your biggest challenge is that you did not discuss the division of the prize before winning it. Now, it's a question of group consensus and morals. What I can tell you is that you will never feel good about how you divide the cash prize unless the group agrees on a plan. For what it's worth, you wouldn't have been able to make that film without Steve's camera, so do not diminish his contribution.

To keep peace, I would recommend an equal split. In the future, you can talk among yourselves about how you might handle such a windfall should it come your way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have made a huge mistake. I asked my friend to pose as my fake boyfriend for a social media post to make my ex-boyfriend jealous. She wore a sweatshirt with her hood up while I faced the camera hugging my "boyfriend." Now, my ex has been badgering me for information about my new boyfriend! This is not what I intended at all -- I just wanted him to see this and want to get back together with me. Should I come clean about my "boyfriend" or just lie? -- Rock and a Hard Place, Seattle

DEAR ROCK AND A HARD PLACE: What do you really want? And why did you feel the need to make your ex-boyfriend jealous in the first place? Is this relationship worth reigniting? If so, come clean and tell your ex what you did to capture his attention. From there, you can attempt to have a frank conversation with him about your desires and hopes for the future and how he could potentially be part of it. You should think long and hard about your future, though. Trying to attract the attention of a man who is extremely jealous could backfire in the long run.

So, again, I ask what do you really want? Make a list -- in writing -- of the attributes you would appreciate in a partner. What appeals to you? What turns you off? List what you want for your future. Children? Type of work? Neighborhood? Sort through all of these questions so that you can get some clarity on how you want to plan your steps. It can be hard to look beyond the moment when emotions are high, but this is the only way that you can gain perspective on whether this man fits into your vision for your life.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)