DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my mother a few weeks ago. While I have been consoled and rallied behind, I have strangely felt OK throughout this whole ordeal. My mother and I were close, and it feels surreal to lose her, but I feel guilty that I am not as upset as everyone expects me to be. Should I get help? I haven't communicated this feeling with anyone. -- Keeping On, Philadelphia

DEAR KEEPING ON: People deal with death in their own ways. Your friends and loved ones obviously want to support you in whatever ways that they can. Sometimes that help can backfire if it makes the one in mourning feel inadequate. Try not to dwell on what others are saying. Live your life and think about your mother as she naturally comes into your awareness. Since you and she were close, that may be why you are managing well. If you had no unresolved issues, then you may not have anything to feel guilty about.

Allow yourself to move on at your own pace. If you are not feeling upset right now, you do not need to get counseling. There are five stages of grief that have been identified: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is commonly believed that people move through each of these stages before becoming resolved with whatever or whomever they are grieving. Pay attention to your mood in the coming weeks. If you find that you become agitated, upset or otherwise unsteady, that’s when you should reach out for help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my windows is placed directly above a radiator, making it hard to get curtains of a proper length that wouldn't be a fire hazard. Coincidentally, this window faces my next-door neighbor’s home. My neighbors leave their driveway floodlight on all day and night. It interrupts my sleep, and cannot be great on their electricity bill. Could I ask them to turn it off? I would never put my neighbors in a position like this. -- Conserve Energy and Sleep, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR CONSERVE ENERGY AND SLEEP: This challenge calls for a two-pronged approach. Invest in a shade for your window. A shade will block more light than a curtain, and it will not hang below the windowsill. Many ready-made shades fit standard-size windows. Measure yours before you go shopping to be sure you purchase the right size. You can also have a shade made specifically to fit your window, though that’s likely not necessary. Make sure you have done your part in your home before you move to step two.

Now, you can ask your neighbors if they would consider turning their floodlight off at night. Explain that it is bringing light into your home and causing you discomfort. Point out that you have already invested in window coverings to try to block the light, but you need their help as well. Suggest that they put the light on a timer so it doesn’t become a hassle for them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work as an organizer in a few residences. One of my bosses chooses to communicate strictly through text. I am all right with this unconventional method, but she also texts me about random topics -- very much like she is trying to start a friendship.

How can I respond when my boss texts me trying to be friends? I don't feel comfortable discussing my date nights and girls' nights with the woman who pays me. -- Sorting It Out, Westchester, New York

DEAR SORTING IT OUT: Sometimes when people work inside others’ homes, a certain level of intimacy grows over time. It doesn’t mean that you become besties. It may mean, in this woman’s case, that she wants to know you a little better, you being the person who spends so much time in her home gleaning how she lives her life.

Keep your written communication professional as you answer her personal questions as vaguely as possible. In this way, you will be communicating with her, but not revealing too much. Short answers work great. If she asks if you had a date on the weekend, you can respond, “Fun weekend,” or “Relaxing weekend,” or whatever else you want to say. You can then bring her back to the work by asking her something about what you have most recently completed that you think she will like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I been experiencing feelings of dread and feeling overwhelmed. My workload hasn't changed much, but there are a few personal problems going on. My girlfriend says I might have anxiety, but I don't think that's it. I've never had anxiety before, and I doubt I could just develop it due to stress. -- Could It Be?, Atlanta

DEAR COULD IT BE?: Take some time to decompress. That could mean going to the gym, getting a massage, taking a nap, meditating or taking a day off from work. Spend time pampering yourself. Evaluate the personal problems that you mentioned. Go through them one by one, and determine what you can fix, change or otherwise improve. Be thorough as you look at the issues individually. Dealing in small bits will help you to not be overwhelmed.

If you continue to feel off and plagued by negativity, do yourself a favor and go to the doctor. Get a physical to check up on your health. It could be that something internal is upsetting the balance of your system. It could also be, as your girlfriend suggested, that you are experiencing anxiety or depression. Some of the most common symptoms of depression are being tired and lethargic, feeling restless and agitated or conversely sluggish, weight loss or gain, loss of interest in activities, feeling worthless or guilty, trouble concentrating or making decisions, or even thoughts of suicide. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, seek medical attention. There is no shame in getting help for whatever is going on with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live by a big city, and I try to get my children into the city to see museums, plays and authors. Although we have an excellent experience once we are in the city, controlling my children on the train is a whole other beast. They go up to strangers, scream and are generally disruptive. I am so embarrassed yet don't know what to do. -- Wild Children, Denver

DEAR WILD CHILDREN: Change your strategy. Before you go anywhere, talk to your children about what to expect. This instruction must be extremely specific. Include not running, using inside voices and staying with their parents. When traveling on any kind of public transportation, your children need to understand what is expected of them, including how to get a ticket, the importance of being still in order to give other passengers room, and the requirement to stay with the family and to be quiet. Reiterate to them what behaviors they should exemplify when they are in public, and have them practice at home. Let them know that the reward for good behavior is to have wonderful experiences engaging others. The penalty for bad behavior is that they will not be able to enjoy any of these things. They may need a few times when they are denied the opportunity to go places so that the consequences are obvious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker and I recently learned that we live in the same neighborhood. She suggested we begin carpooling to work, and I agreed -- only to be polite. Now, she is attempting to create a schedule with me. I know I should carpool to reduce emissions, but I value my alone time in the morning, and I don't want to chatter about work before arriving and after leaving. How do I kindly reject my co-worker's offer? -- No HOV, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR NO HOV: What about a compromise? Suggest to your co-worker that you carpool two days a week and go separately on the other days. Set it up as a trial for a month so that you can see if you are comfortable with the ride, with each other’s cars, with your individual schedules and with the conversation. It is OK for you to be honest with her. Tell her how much you enjoy your solitude and your early-morning rituals, and you aren’t sure that you want to give that up. Offer to do this trial period with her where you both assess if you are comfortable with the journey to and from work. No matter how you feel at the end of the trial period, even if you love it, be sure to check in with each other. If you want to extend the agreement, do so with timelines included. In this way, each of you has an equal stake in this drive.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)