DEAR HARRIETTE: I called off my wedding with my fiance. I didn't tell anyone that he cheated on me for years because I want my family to still respect the father of my child. What I didn't expect was the backlash onto me. I was trying to help my daughter and myself but now my family thinks I've ruined my ex's life by calling off the wedding. I did what is best for my child and me, but I don't think my family will see this unless I tell them the truth. Is it wise to reveal this secret? -- All His Fault, Sag Harbor, New York

DEAR ALL HIS FAULT: The saying, "The truth will set you free," is real. Your family members have a false understanding of the downfall of your relationship. Since there is a child involved and your ex will remain in your life in some way, you should come clean with your family. Sit them down and talk. Explain that you had wanted to keep your personal business private, especially given its sensitive nature. But since they are of the false notion that you are somehow destroying his life, it's time for you to speak up. Without going into all of the details, acknowledge that your ex cheated on you repeatedly, that you stayed for whatever reasons you had at the time and that ultimately you had the strength to walk away. Tell them that you do not want your child to know this, as it would be unproductive and hurtful. Add that you do not want them to jump in and provide their commentary or input. Make it known that you are telling them only so that they would have some perspective and back off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not the prettiest or skinniest girl. Although I know this, my mother makes it her mission to point this out to me anytime she sees an unflattering photo or outfit. She constantly tells me to wear different makeup and clothing, and to change my diet. I confronted her about comments she's made to me, and she wasn't apologetic -- quite the opposite, actually. I thought talking to her would solve this, and now my blood just boils anytime she shares her nasty opinions. What is there left to say to the woman who won't see my worth past my appearance? -- More to Life, Boston

DEAR MORE TO LIFE: I am so sorry to hear this. I wonder if your mother suffered from body consciousness issues when she was your age, or if she does now? It seems that she is worrying about something that is rooted more deeply than your personal appearance. You may want to ask her if something happened in her youth that has gotten her to be hypersensitive to how you look.

Beyond this, I recommend that you look for outside role models who will support you and see your value as you are. This could be a godmother, teacher, guidance counselor, minister, etc. You need someone in your life who is loving, supportive and non-judgmental to help you make smart decisions about your health, appearance and overall well-being. Hyper-criticism rarely leads to positive self image.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have fairly unruly hair, and I don't like to style it. I like how it looks when it's left natural. I have gotten comments about how it's not "professional," or I've been asked why I didn't put my hair into a more appropriate hairstyle. Is hair really that important? I don't want to fry my hair just to look sleek and stylish. -- Hair-Do, Indianapolis

DEAR HAIR-DO: Yes, hair matters a lot, as it helps to define your appearance. It is important for you to pay attention to your hair and develop an appropriate hairstyle for where you work. The good news is that there are so many different jobs and working environments that you don't have to choose one particular look in order to be considered professional. It sounds like the place where you do work, however, has issues with your hairstyle.

Look around and notice how other people in your company present themselves. This includes looking carefully at the range of hairstyles. If most people look conservative, you should figure out how to tame your unruly hair. Does this mean you have to fry it? Absolutely not! There are so many hair products out there that are designed to manage natural hair that may require extra styling. You may want to consider getting a consultation from a hair salon that specializes in natural hair.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A blog contacted me regarding an opportunity to have my podcast hosted on its website. I was interested at first, but then was told that I would have to pay for this "web space." I asked how much web traffic the blog gets, and the answer was about a quarter of my listeners. The blog should be paying ME for this opportunity. How do I turn it down? Should I mention how much the blog sold me short? -- Bigger Than You, Dallas

DEAR BIGGER THAN YOU: Without having an attitude, you should have a matter-of-fact conversation with this company. Let your contact know that you may be interested in housing your podcast on the site -- non-exclusively -- but that you counter with a creative opportunity for them. Point out your web traffic, noting that it is bigger than the blog's. Suggest that you put your podcast on the site, and that the two of you split whatever profits come from advertising or other promotions. Insist that you are bringing added value to the blog. As such, you think it is only fair that you both benefit from the shared experience.

If the blog remains uninterested, do not partner with it. You may want to look for other opportunities to place your podcast, either as a partnership or with a company that has significantly more traffic than yours. If you are going to pay, the investment needs to be worth it. Otherwise, pass.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the head of a school organization that is fairly successful. We put on many events and almost always have 200 people in attendance. I hate getting cold emails from restaurants, apparel companies and school clubs about collaborating, especially when the workload is placed primarily onto me for their benefit. I have been ignoring these emails (I am busy!), but I am almost always greeted by follow-up emails. I don't have the time or desire to work with these groups. How can I respond to these emails? -- Cold Shoulder, St. Louis

DEAR COLD SHOULDER: When bombarded with solicitous emails, you do not have to feel obligated to respond. If you choose, you can take a few minutes each week to look at what has come to your inbox and unsubscribe whenever possible, or otherwise delete. I will say that it is often worth it to do a quick perusal of the email content. While 90 percent may be solicitations that do not interest you at all, there is a small chance that the perfect product or service will come your way to match your school's needs.

For example, if you have a silent auction, the many restaurants, shops, theaters and other businesses in your neighborhood may be willing to give the school a handsome gift certificate in exchange for the exposure that the gift brings them. This can be a win-win for your fundraising needs. Many schools send parents out combing neighborhoods to request such things. It sounds like your neighbors are knocking on your door. Don't slam the door shut before you take notice of what is being offered.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who has classes in big lecture halls. In a class of over 100 students, I mentioned an anecdote to my friend, and my TA stood up in front of the lecture hall with his arms crossed, about 6 inches from where I was seated. This was clearly a method of intimidation, but I felt very uncomfortable about his proximity to me. He didn't leave his spot for the remainder of the class. I asked him to move away from me, and he ignored me. I know it is against class policy to talk, but I mentioned one sentence and now have a 23-year-old man peering at my screen! Should I report him if this behavior continues? -- Too Close for Comfort, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: Take a deep breath and relax for a moment. It is likely that your TA's tactics will not be repeated if you do not break the class rule again. While it may seem extreme to you, his behavior did result in the intended action: No more talking.

If the young man continues to hover near you, by all means report his behavior to the teacher first. You can then follow up with the department head. But don't assume it will happen. This could have been a one-off way for him to enforce his rule.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)