DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend called me a bad mother because I don't constantly supervise my children. As they get older (they're 8 and 11), I like to give them small freedoms, like walking down the block to the convenience store for snacks and to occasionally get me a coffee. Am I a bad mother? When I was growing up, my curfew would be the streetlights coming on. -- A Little Freedom, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR A LITTLE FREEDOM: As a parent, you have to decide when your children are ready to accept increasing amounts of independence. I have had a similar experience. My daughter was the first girl in her class to go to school by herself, without a parent or baby sitter. Only she and one other girl, to our knowledge, walked or bused home from school by age 12. For me, that seemed normal, even though many parents considered it too young for their children.

What I had to do was what was right for my family. The same is true for you. Make sure you put safeguards in place. Give your children cellphones that include GPS trackers. Teach them the route to and from their destination. Have them travel together to have safety in numbers. Listen to yourself, not your friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hosted Thanksgiving for my family this year. Part of my family left dinner early to prepare for Black Friday shopping. I was livid. How could you value materialistic things over family time? We don't get together often, but I was told the savings were just "too good." I am disappointed. Do these shoppers deserve an invitation to Christmas? It's about family, not the presents. -- Not on My Watch, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEAR NOT ON MY WATCH: The lure of Black Friday is real for many people. While the deals are often good, I do find it to be gimmicky, and I hate that many sales start on Thanksgiving Day. Cutting into family time is not a good idea, in my book.

Rather than uninvite the offending family members, let them know how disappointed you were in their behavior. Remind them of how rarely you get together as a family and that you hope that next year they will put family first. Point out that they can shop the next day, just not in the middle of your family's Thanksgiving celebration.

To ensure that they will be active participants at Christmas, warmly invite them to join the festivities and let them know the agenda. This is important for everyone, especially young adults who may want to dash off to see friends or participate in other activities toward the end of the day. You should not try to monitor their time excessively, or you will create animosity. It is OK to let them know that you hope they will choose family first for the core time of the family engagement.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter is overweight. We try to have her diet, but I constantly find candy wrappers under her bed anyway. "Casey" tries to wear the same clothes as her friends (belly shirts, short shorts and tighter dresses) and has tantrums and meltdowns when she doesn't look like them. She doesn't take any of the necessary steps to lose weight, and she refuses anyone's help. How can I help my daughter if she can't help herself? -- Weight Loss, Las Vegas

DEAR WEIGHT LOSS: Please make an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician right away. You should speak to the doctor in advance to give a clear picture of your concerns -- including your daughter's current lack of understanding of her body and how to dress appropriately. Your daughter needs mental health support that hopefully will help her to be able to see herself accurately and embrace a healthier lifestyle. She also needs practical nutritional advice on how to eat to lower her caloric intake. A nutritionist would be a great addition to your team, someone who can teach your daughter how to eat to care for her unique self. The psychologist can help her see herself for who she is, learn to love herself and learn to dress the body in which she lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and I just had the "college talk." She told me that she wanted to go to an expensive private university, and I told her we simply do not have the funds. She's applied herself more and more to track and field, and she hopes to get a scholarship to this school. If the price is reasonable, we will pay for this. However, I think she needs to keep her options open, though she has a one-track mind to this university. How can I change her mind about state schools? -- Too Expensive, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TOO EXPENSIVE: Encourage your daughter to go for her dream as she also lines up several backups. Be straightforward with her about exactly how much money you believe you can contribute to her annual college fund. Help her to create a budget based on all expenses, including books, food, transportation home, etc. Compare the two.

Help your daughter search for scholarships. There are plenty more than the athletic option. Many students get multiple scholarships that help to pay for their college lives. Finally, press your daughter to apply to several more schools that are within your budget parameters. Look hard at the options so that you can identify schools that offer her areas of interest at the lower price. Do not allow her to put all her eggs in one proverbial basket. Require that she explore her options so that no matter what happens, she is covered.

If she suggests that you are not supporting her dream, assure her that you hope that her dream will come true when she wants it to, but that it is your responsibility as her parent to ensure that she has a backup plan.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is extremely interested in photography. She is taking a class and wants to do a photo shoot with me. I am in the middle of moving, and she told me that she doesn't mind and would love to shoot me in my childhood bedroom. What she didn't pick up on is that I DO mind the timing of this photo shoot.

She has a deadline, but I need to pack up my parents' house. She already told me she'd be angry if I canceled on her because of her final grade. -- To Cancel?, Cincinnati

DEAR TO CANCEL?: I have learned that it is essential that you stand up for yourself, even if that means that your friends aren't happy sometimes. You can do so while still expressing support for your friend. Tell her that you appreciate her interest in photography and would be happy to accommodate her at another time, but that you will not be available to do the photo shoot within her deadline period. The end.

If she continues to pressure you, stop talking about it and turn your attention to the work before you. Your job is to complete the packing of your parents' home, which is a monumental effort. If you honestly feel that you cannot handle the added stress of incorporating a photo shoot into the mix, stand your ground.

I will add, though, that having your family home and bedroom documented before you leave it forever could create beautiful memories. Sorry to throw a wrench into it, but this is worth your serious consideration before you close the door.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am notoriously clumsy, and I spilled tea on a customer I was serving -- and myself -- in my cafe. I try to have great relationships with my customers, but this woman immediately went up in arms and demanded I pay her for every piece of clothing I got the tea on. I told her that I would pay for dry cleaning, and she threatened to sue me before giving me her contact information and storming out. Am I responsible for purchasing new clothing? Should I just ignore this threat? -- Clumsy Costs, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR CLUMSY COSTS: Speak to your manager immediately about the situation. You should not be on your own in this. Typically, a restaurant is responsible for the dry cleaning bill for any clothing that is affected by a spill that was the establishment's fault. It is far less common for the facility to buy someone new clothes. What this customer needs is likely to speak to someone in authority who can calm her down and assure her that this accident was unintentional. Your manager can offer her a free meal or some other additional perk.

For you, stop calling yourself clumsy. If you expect to continue to work in the service industry, specifically in food service, you must claim better behavior and then work toward activating it. Otherwise, you will deserve being sued for your ineptness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)