DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going to a class reunion soon, and it has been almost 20 years. I feel horrible about what I'm going to say because I wouldn't have thought of myself like this, but I feel really self-conscious about going. I have gained a lot of weight over the years and do not feel like I look my best. I don't have enough time to drop 40 pounds or really do anything other than maybe to buy a new dress. I don't want my college friends to give me the side eye when I see them. I was so fashionable when I was in school, but those days are long over! Am I overthinking this? How can I be more at ease for this trip? I want to see my old friends, but a big part of me wants to hide. -- To Go or Not to Go, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TO GO OR NOT TO GO: Would it help for you to know that there are a whole lot of other people from your class who are probably feeling the same way? People obsess about their appearance when it comes to reconnecting after many years. The truth is, just about everyone will look different. Some will be bigger -- honestly, most will have gained weight. Some will be smaller. Some will be bald. Some will be ill. Some will be crotchety. Some will be warm and loving. They will represent a broad swath of realities.

Your job is to give yourself a pat on the back for committing to attending the reunion. If it will make you feel better, buy a new dress. More important, though, is to bring your joyful self. Bring a big smile and genuine happiness that you are all together. Resist making a disclaimer about your weight. It is not necessary. Focus on connecting with your fellow classmates.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm getting to the age where a lot of my friends' parents are dying. It seems like every couple of months I get word that a father or mother has passed. Many of these people I have known for years. It is really affecting me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Typically, I go to the funerals and try to be there for my friends, but it is making me really sad. I lost both of my parents years ago, so I don't have them to console me. I'm not sure how I should react when these people who have been so close to me are now dying. -- Dealing with Death, Princeton, New Jersey

DEAR DEALING WITH DEATH: Given how close you have felt to some of these elders, you should reach out to your friends, check to see how they are doing and let them know that you are deeply mourning, too. Ask if you can connect with them. Determine if it is comfortable enough for them to talk with you about their parents' death. You may be able to do some mourning together.

You may also want to talk to a grief counselor, who can listen to you and help you sort through your feelings. The death of a loved one is usually traumatic, even if it is not your parent. Allow yourself to grieve and get help with the healing process.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My entire family has lived in New Jersey and Pennsylvania for generations. We all live within two hours of each other, and we see each other all the time. I have been exploring blogs and social media more and more, and I think that Seattle may be the city for me. I love the West Coast, the lifestyle and the natural beauty found all around, but I hate how guilty I'd feel if I pursued this dream. I plan on visiting Seattle very soon. If I do end up moving, how can I cope with my fear of missing out on my family events? I've never even missed a birthday. -- Hits Close to Home, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR HITS CLOSE TO HOME: You are right to be concerned about your next steps. Longing for the West Coast is real and understandable. Seattle is a beautiful, welcoming city that offers a lifestyle and access to nature far different from your East Coast way of living. Clearly, there is value in that, which may be enough to point you in that direction.

What you have to decide is if you will be able to reduce the amount of time that you physically see your family over the course of a given year. The work that you secure and what your resources look like will determine whether you can afford to go home more than a few times a year. You will not be able to see your family as often as you do now.

But thanks to social media and the internet, you absolutely can stay in close touch with your relatives. I have a sister who lives in Los Angeles, and my mother lives in Pikesville, Maryland. They speak every single day and have for all of the years that my sister has been gone. Even though they see each other rarely, they have a very close bond. Can you manage that? Or can you handle it for a few years? It might be that you go West for a while and then head back home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is turning 13, and many of her friends are having bar and bat mitzvah parties. Suddenly, I am being asked to purchase multiple dresses and gifts for these parties. What seemed like a lot of fun and a wonderful coming-of-age experience is making me broke. How can I help my daughter feel comfortable and enjoy herself even though she isn't Jewish -- all while staying on a budget? -- Partied Out, Westchester, New York

DEAR PARTIED OUT: You have to set a realistic budget for what you can afford, and stick to it. Talk to your daughter about how pleased you are that she is being included in her friends' celebrations and that you need to develop a strategy that the family can manage.

In terms of attire, your daughter should have a couple of simple dresses that she can wear more than once with different accessories. Just make sure it is not too brightly colored or unique so that it can transition well. For gifts, go modest. Ask the parents for ideas. Some families say no gifts or offer to a charity, in which case you can make a modest donation in the child's name. Giving money (or donating to charity) in multiples of $18 is symbolic of giving "chai," which means "life" in Hebrew.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandchildren don't answer my emails. This is infuriating to me because I am not so quick with computers, and it takes me quite some time to email all of them individually. I have mentioned in person that they don't respond to my emails, and I receive empty promises that they will start. They are in different cities across the United States, while I am in Florida.

It's thankless to be a grandmother to grandchildren who don't take time to respond to you every day. I don't want to give up on them, but they seem to have left me no choice. -- Tech Grandma, Melbourne, Florida

DEAR TECH GRANDMA: When I read your note carefully, I see that you expect your grandchildren to respond to you on a daily basis. I hate to tell you this, but that is unrealistic. Your grandchildren are busy with their lives. Between school, extracurricular activities, chores and homework, there is not much time left in the day for them to focus on anything else -- even their beloved grandmother. You will do better at getting their attention and a response if you demand less of them.

Your life is, naturally, much less busy than theirs, so you notice when they are not connecting to you. But your schedules are completely different. Step back a bit and give them breathing room. Write to them occasionally, maybe once a week. Let them miss you a bit. And don't ask them for anything. Sometimes they will respond, and sometimes they won't. Feel out a natural rhythm between you that is comfortable on all sides.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I can't understand my assistant's Welsh accent. When she speaks quickly, it is as though I am listening to a foreign language. I don't want to appear uncultured by asking her to repeat most of what she says, yet we communicate best through email even though we work just 20 feet away from each other. She has been on the job for two weeks, and already we've had a few big miscommunications. I don't want her to feel self-conscious, but I need to be able to comprehend my assistant! She understands 99 percent of what I say, so the misunderstanding is coming from my part. -- Accent on the Accent, Chicago

DEAR ACCENT ON THE ACCENT: Your assistant knows that she speaks differently from Americans. You two should talk about it directly. Explain to her that you need her to slow down and regularly repeat herself until you grasp her accent better. Tell her that you are trying, but that often you misinterpret her spoken words.

Slowing down and articulating with intention is my No. 1 suggestion for improving your understanding. Use written communication as an insurance policy: Make sure you both agree on what you have said.

As long as you never tease her about her accent, and instead support her to learn how to speak so that everyone in the office understands her, you will be of great service.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)