DEAR HARRIETTE: How old must someone be for me to stand up and let him or her take my seat? For example, I was sitting on the bus, and two middle-aged men got on after me and didn't have a seat. I am younger than them by a few decades, so I debated standing up so one of them could sit on the journey. I didn't end up doing it because I didn't want to offend anyone with assumptions about their age or health. I want to know what the right thing to do is for next time. -- Take a Seat, New York City

DEAR TAKE A SEAT: Great question. I have had that very experience of offering a seat to an older man, who seemed offended by my offer. My suggestion is that you play it by ear. In the case of your two gentlemen, unless one of them had a cane or was otherwise obviously infirm, it is best to leave them alone. Offering to one man and not the other could create an unintended setup for endless chiding between them about who is feeble.

Generally, when you are riding public transportation, survey your surroundings constantly. When someone gets on board who seems like he or she would benefit from a seat -- regardless of the person's age -- immediately and quietly offer to give up your seat. If the person passes, do not make a fuss of it. By the way, a parent and young child are often better seated than standing and wiggling everywhere.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boss has brought her sick son to work a few times this month. As the weather gets colder, I understand that kids get sick. However, I don't think a snot-covered, sneezing 5-year-old is helping the office stay healthy. I know I can't ban my boss from bringing her son to work. How can I protect my health while protecting my job? My boss is obsessed with her son and rarely leaves him with sitters. -- Bring Your (Sick) Kid to Work Day, Philadelphia

DEAR BRING YOUR (SICK) KID TO WORK DAY: This is a tough one, because your boss is juggling work and family in the midst of a health crisis. It is a no-win situation. Rather than complain, you should invest in facemasks, Lysol and antiseptic wipes. Seriously. Keep your area very clean to cut down on germs. Wear a facemask when the child or anyone else is sick in the office. Take it off only when you have to go to a meeting or leave the building.

If you are questioned by your boss -- or anybody else, for that matter -- about the facemask, be upfront and state that you are trying hard not to get sick. Point out that you understand why the child has to come to work sick, but you don't want the result to be that you get ill.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got too drunk at a wedding last weekend. I wish I could say I remember the whole night, but I cannot. I was mortified when I woke up, and I asked my sister what happened. She told me I was so funny and the life of the party -- no harm done.

I didn't make a fool of myself or get destructive at the wedding, but I was too intoxicated. Do I owe the bride and groom an apology? I already know I should never try to keep up with my cousins. -- Hungover Hannah, Boston

DEAR HUNGOVER HANNAH: One person's "didn't make a fool of myself" is not always the same for the next. While it is absolutely true that many people get drunk at weddings, you don't want to risk having been a distraction or embarrassment to your friends without even saying anything about it.

You should definitely reach out to the couple, ask how they are doing and congratulate them on their wedding once again. Listen to them pour out the details of their nuptials. Before you get off the phone, tell them that you must apologize for getting intoxicated at their wedding. Ask for their forgiveness in case you were a distraction in any way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the middle daughter in between two brothers. I grew up closest to my younger brother, but I was pushed out of the "boys' group" around puberty. My brothers are thick as thieves and each other's best friends. I love how close they are and try to insert myself into their bond. When I try to tell them a secret, they rat me out to my parents. For example, I started dating a new guy, told them, and the next day my mom was calling to congratulate me! I don't want to accept that my brothers will never have my back. How can I get back in the boys' club? -- Odd One Out, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR ODD ONE OUT: Stop trying to butt into a bond that is impenetrable. Instead, work on cultivating your own relationships with each brother. Also, know that their telling your mother is having your back in their minds. You are their sister, and they want to make sure that your mother knows anything significant about you -- not in a tattletale kind of way, but in a loving manner.

It is understandable that the closeness that your brothers have with each other can be unnerving and also may trigger some envy. Do your best to move past those feelings and make the choice to develop positive relationships with each of them.

I am the middle of three girls. My sisters and I have very different relationships with each other, and over the years, we have accepted that they are different. We love each other, but two of us are closer. I think that's what happens with threes, even when it's three friends who don't have blood ties. As hard as it can be at times, if you are able to accept and appreciate the relationships for what they are rather than trying to turn them into something they are not, you will have a chance at inspiring peaceful, loving bonds.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my boyfriend for two years now, and I am 34 years old. We have spoken about marriage and children, and I have been quite candid with him in saying that I would rather have children than get married. I don't know if I will be able to spend the rest of my life with Bob, but I do want children, and I think he'd be a great father. Bob seems OK with this, so I have been struggling with finding a way to tell my dad and stepmom that I'm ready for children, but not for marriage. I tried sitting them down, and they immediately began pre-emptively congratulating me on my engagement. How do I start this tricky conversation? -- No Ring, Denver

DEAR NO RING: I remember my father asking me what I thought about having children without being married. My father was a conservative man who worried about social conventions but also about my safety and comfort. He was extremely concerned about how I would manage if, hypothetically, I had a child without having a husband. If your dad and stepmom are anything like my father, good luck trying to convince them of the value of your idea. It could simply be out of their ability to welcome -- even if they ultimately have to accept it.

That said, what you can do is think through your idea very carefully. Plan out what you believe you will need to care for a child without the "guarantee" of an engaged spouse. This includes money, emotional support, child care, etc. Imagine your needs, and talk to other friends who have children to learn what to expect. Determine what Bob will agree to do "forever" for his child, even if you do marry or get involved with someone else -- or vice versa. Make an agreement with him so that you are as sure as you can be about the nature of that commitment.

When you feel that you are responsibly set, tell your parents. Ask for their support and love even if they don't understand. If you are blessed to have a child, your parents' love for the baby will supersede their judgment of your decision.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I own a big old pickup truck, passed down from my grandfather, who used it to transport sheep. I was driving home from my sister's house, a 4-hour drive on the highway, and when I stopped for gas, I realized a suitcase had fallen out of my trunk. This suitcase was full of my passed friend's belongings. I feel so guilty and so stupid. I know it was an accident, but I can't help but blame myself. I tried driving to find it, but it was a fruitless endeavor. Should I tell his family what happened or keep this to myself since he gave me the suitcase and its contents? -- Falling Apart, Detroit

DEAR FALLING APART: If you were charged with transporting the suitcase to your friend's family, by law you must tell them. If your friend gave you the suitcase to dispose of or keep as you wish, you can just let it be. Bringing up the loss will be hurtful. Do so only if it is necessary.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)