DEAR HARRIETTE: I am wondering about the etiquette on sending wedding invitations internationally. For example, I have family in Europe who will not be able to attend my daughter's wedding. Should I still be sending them an invitation even though we have spoken and they won't be attending? -- Wedding Post, Baltimore

DEAR WEDDING POST: If you plan on sending wedding announcements with a picture of the couple from the wedding, you can wait to send that to your relatives. That is a nice memento that guests, friends and relatives often appreciate.

Should that not be your plan, feel free to send an invitation to your European family members. Attach a handwritten note that tells them that you are sending the invitation to them as a memento so that they are included in the circle of love, even though they cannot join you on this auspicious day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always tried to create a healthy kitchen for my two young children. My son, who is bordering the line between toddler and child, will eat only oatmeal for breakfast now. I like to ask my kids what they want to eat instead of forcing something onto them, but I never thought my son would refuse to eat breakfast unless he was being served oatmeal with peanut butter and a banana. I found out he acts this way after he had an outburst at his grandparent's house. How can I speak to him rationally? -- Too Many Oats, Cincinnati

DEAR TOO MANY OATS: Check in with your children's pediatrician to learn what he or she recommends your toddler should eat. Know that oats, especially if cooked from scratch (not instant oats that often have added sugar and preservatives) are great to start the day. Many people eat oatmeal in the morning to help them to be regular. The fiber in the oats is excellent for the digestive system. Now, you can argue that eating the same thing daily may not be ideal. Variety can be helpful to a diet. Before requiring a dietary change in the morning, though, see what the doctor has to say.

I will add that it may seem nice to give your children leeway when it comes to what they eat, but it is also important to teach them about eating in a healthy manner and eating what is served to them. Children need to be introduced to a range of foods so that they learn a variety of flavors and types of food.

Finally, talk to the grandparents. Find out exactly what happened, and get on the same page with them about how you feed your children and what your expectations are of how you want them to be fed when they are in the grandparents' care. The team has to be on the same page in order for your children to stay clear and feel supported as they grow and learn.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has been declining in health over the past year, and she just spent several weeks in the hospital. She is coming home, but my siblings and I are worried that she shouldn't be on her own anymore. We have started to look into assisted living facilities, but when we mentioned it to our mother, she got upset. How should we begin the conversation about the future? None of us is able to take her to our homes. Either we work all the time, or we don't have the right kind of space. She will soon need nursing care around the clock, and we can't afford that at home. -- Next Steps, Grand Rapids, Michigan

DEAR NEXT STEPS: Transitioning to the next phase of life, particularly for an elder who is not well, can be extremely difficult. Ease into the conversation. Let your mother get acclimated to her own home first. If possible, you and your siblings should spend more time with her so you can see for yourself what she can do on her own and what she cannot. Get her one of those alert necklaces that connects to 911, so that if she has an emergency, she can immediately receive help.

Start talking to her about the future. Ask her what she would like to do when she is no longer physically able to live on her own. Listen to her thoughts. If she says she wants to live with one of you, explain your circumstances clearly and with compassion. Make sure your mother knows how much you love her and that if she moves into an assisted-living facility, you will not abandon her. You want what's best for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a boss of a new employee, James, who got "demoted" from his position at a different company before he came here. He is arrogant and believes he deserves a higher job just because of his experience. I am happy with my current rank of employees, and his supervisor is an excellent leader -- a quality James does not possess. James has been frustrating me, but I want him to understand that his supervisor has earned his position, even if he's been in the field for less time than James has. -- Troubled Waters, Gallup, New Mexico

DEAR TROUBLED WATERS: James is still smarting from his demotion and not yet sure-footed enough to see the landscape for what it is. Your job must be to show that you maintain that his supervisor is the right person for the job and that James must honor that relationship. As the boss, you also need to work on helping James to feel at home at your company and valued for what he brings to the table.

You may want to coach the supervisor on how to talk to James to become a cheerleader. Encourage the supervisor to identify positive qualities in James and in his performance so that he can demonstrate respect for James, as he also reminds James of his duties. If James continues to behave arrogantly, the supervisor may need to admonish him formally. Probation could be required or extra training on being a team player, if your company offers such enhancements.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying to recapture my days as a ski bum. I purchased skis from a friend, and I am working on getting boots and new winter gear. Over the summer, one of my friends told me she has a condo in Vermont that she stays at when she skis. This sounds like reliving my past! I want to score an invite to my friend's ski condo without making it seem like that is the only reason we are friends. How can I speak to her so she doesn't think I am a freeloader? -- Ski Bum, Boston

DEAR SKI BUM: Be straight with your friend. Tell her that you really want to go skiing soon. Tell her that you used to ski when you were young, and you really want to relive those days. With the natural excitement that you are exuding in writing this note to me, tell your friend that you have been working to secure all of the needed gear for skiing in anticipation of being able to go. Ask her if she would be willing to host you at any time this winter. Be honest. Tell her you know that this might be an imposition on her, but your longing to ski again is urging you at least to ask. Be sure to add that if she is not so inclined or if her winter is already booked up, you will totally understand.

Beyond that, contact ski lodges to learn what the cost is for a weekend. You can also ask to speak to the management and plead your case with them. Ask if they can offer you a special deal, and lay out your reasons for making the ask. Sometimes a great human-interest story is worth free publicity. If your story is compelling enough, they may agree to host you in exchange for telling your story to the local media.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not have health insurance. I was bouncing around on family plans until I realized I couldn't even see a proper doctor, so I became uninsured. My decision is coming back to bite me. My wisdom tooth is hurting so much I eat painkillers for breakfast. I can't get insurance right now, but I have been considering an out-of-plan dental visit. My mom tells me it'll be so expensive I may as well wait and get insurance. Which option could be cheaper? My tooth is causing me so much pain. -- Tooth Fairy, South Orange, New Jersey

DEAR TOOTH FAIRY: One choice to consider is going to a teaching facility. Sometimes there are medical and dental programs that are offered for free or reduced rates when you are willing to have students conduct the procedures. A friend of mine had major dental work performed by dental students through such a program at New York University. He had dental surgery and implants all for free. This was based on his financial capability and the offerings from the school. Many schools provide this opportunity.

Similarly, I have a friend who is unemployed and who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She researched and identified a hospital that has offered free medical care, including medication, for her ongoing care for five years now. Do not give up on yourself. Research until you find the right fit. Accessible medical help is out there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)