DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has been declining in health over the past year, and she just spent several weeks in the hospital. She is coming home, but my siblings and I are worried that she shouldn't be on her own anymore. We have started to look into assisted living facilities, but when we mentioned it to our mother, she got upset. How should we begin the conversation about the future? None of us is able to take her to our homes. Either we work all the time, or we don't have the right kind of space. She will soon need nursing care around the clock, and we can't afford that at home. -- Next Steps, Grand Rapids, Michigan

DEAR NEXT STEPS: Transitioning to the next phase of life, particularly for an elder who is not well, can be extremely difficult. Ease into the conversation. Let your mother get acclimated to her own home first. If possible, you and your siblings should spend more time with her so you can see for yourself what she can do on her own and what she cannot. Get her one of those alert necklaces that connects to 911, so that if she has an emergency, she can immediately receive help.

Start talking to her about the future. Ask her what she would like to do when she is no longer physically able to live on her own. Listen to her thoughts. If she says she wants to live with one of you, explain your circumstances clearly and with compassion. Make sure your mother knows how much you love her and that if she moves into an assisted-living facility, you will not abandon her. You want what's best for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a boss of a new employee, James, who got "demoted" from his position at a different company before he came here. He is arrogant and believes he deserves a higher job just because of his experience. I am happy with my current rank of employees, and his supervisor is an excellent leader -- a quality James does not possess. James has been frustrating me, but I want him to understand that his supervisor has earned his position, even if he's been in the field for less time than James has. -- Troubled Waters, Gallup, New Mexico

DEAR TROUBLED WATERS: James is still smarting from his demotion and not yet sure-footed enough to see the landscape for what it is. Your job must be to show that you maintain that his supervisor is the right person for the job and that James must honor that relationship. As the boss, you also need to work on helping James to feel at home at your company and valued for what he brings to the table.

You may want to coach the supervisor on how to talk to James to become a cheerleader. Encourage the supervisor to identify positive qualities in James and in his performance so that he can demonstrate respect for James, as he also reminds James of his duties. If James continues to behave arrogantly, the supervisor may need to admonish him formally. Probation could be required or extra training on being a team player, if your company offers such enhancements.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying to recapture my days as a ski bum. I purchased skis from a friend, and I am working on getting boots and new winter gear. Over the summer, one of my friends told me she has a condo in Vermont that she stays at when she skis. This sounds like reliving my past! I want to score an invite to my friend's ski condo without making it seem like that is the only reason we are friends. How can I speak to her so she doesn't think I am a freeloader? -- Ski Bum, Boston

DEAR SKI BUM: Be straight with your friend. Tell her that you really want to go skiing soon. Tell her that you used to ski when you were young, and you really want to relive those days. With the natural excitement that you are exuding in writing this note to me, tell your friend that you have been working to secure all of the needed gear for skiing in anticipation of being able to go. Ask her if she would be willing to host you at any time this winter. Be honest. Tell her you know that this might be an imposition on her, but your longing to ski again is urging you at least to ask. Be sure to add that if she is not so inclined or if her winter is already booked up, you will totally understand.

Beyond that, contact ski lodges to learn what the cost is for a weekend. You can also ask to speak to the management and plead your case with them. Ask if they can offer you a special deal, and lay out your reasons for making the ask. Sometimes a great human-interest story is worth free publicity. If your story is compelling enough, they may agree to host you in exchange for telling your story to the local media.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not have health insurance. I was bouncing around on family plans until I realized I couldn't even see a proper doctor, so I became uninsured. My decision is coming back to bite me. My wisdom tooth is hurting so much I eat painkillers for breakfast. I can't get insurance right now, but I have been considering an out-of-plan dental visit. My mom tells me it'll be so expensive I may as well wait and get insurance. Which option could be cheaper? My tooth is causing me so much pain. -- Tooth Fairy, South Orange, New Jersey

DEAR TOOTH FAIRY: One choice to consider is going to a teaching facility. Sometimes there are medical and dental programs that are offered for free or reduced rates when you are willing to have students conduct the procedures. A friend of mine had major dental work performed by dental students through such a program at New York University. He had dental surgery and implants all for free. This was based on his financial capability and the offerings from the school. Many schools provide this opportunity.

Similarly, I have a friend who is unemployed and who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She researched and identified a hospital that has offered free medical care, including medication, for her ongoing care for five years now. Do not give up on yourself. Research until you find the right fit. Accessible medical help is out there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In an effort to lose weight quickly for an event, I went on a strict diet with a few of my friends. This diet promises to have you lose 10 pounds in three days. I was committed, and I saw the results when I fit into the dress I wanted to. My friends, however, each couldn't complete the diet because they were on the verge of fainting by the third morning. I saw results, but they're urging me to never do this again. I would never make every day as strict and bland as this diet does, but a few days can't hurt, right? -- Diet Divas, Laredo, Texas

DEAR DIET DIVAS: Most doctors and nutritionists will tell you that following a diet that promises extremely fast weight loss is not healthy. It may work, as yours did, but there are potential side effects to consider. In rare cases, people have heart attacks and strokes when they lose weight too quickly, for example. Upsetting your metabolism dramatically is not a kind way to treat your body.

Instead of following a crash diet, visit your doctor and get recommendations on how to eat to lose weight. You may also want to get a nutritionist who will design an eating program that will help you to maintain your optimal weight.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My company has decided to start a fitness initiative. A lot of our workers are overweight, so the majority decided to start a few softball teams that play each other occasionally. I didn't join originally because I hate sports, and now I am the only one in the office who isn't attending these events. I want good relations with my co-workers, but I don't want everyone to see me sweat. Is my reluctance to take part in the activities outside of the office going to affect my friendships in the office? -- Hey, Batter, Batter, Cincinnati

DEAR HEY, BATTER, BATTER: I have a couple of different thoughts for you. As it relates to not wanting folks to see you sweat, if every other person is sweating, trust that you will not stand out if you join the party. It may seem awkward to you at first, but getting involved in a sporting activity -- even if you aren't good at it at all -- can be a lot of fun.

If you are unwilling to join in, you can still participate from the sidelines. Consider bringing a camera and taking photos or video while your co-workers are playing. You don't need to go to all of the events, but it is smart for office camaraderie to attend sometimes. Showing that you are part of the team is important. Your office culture now includes some extracurricular sporting activities. Go, watch, talk to your co-workers -- and seriously considering playing. You may change your mind about your blanket statement about hating sports. Give yourself a chance to find out!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)