life

Asking for Too Much Sugar Not Neighborly

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 25th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a college town, right next door to about 10 college students. They are all girls, which I like because they are not loud or rowdy. However, my gaggle of neighbors seems to take the phrase "borrow it from your neighbor" literally. I have given them a cup of flour, sugar and occasionally baking soda because they have run out or are short for a recipe.

I learned to make sure I have all of my ingredients before starting a recipe. I don't want to be confrontational with the neighbors, especially since they outnumber me, but I don't want to keep giving out freebies! What can I do to draw the line with these girls? -- Cup of Sugar, Syracuse, New York

DEAR CUP OF SUGAR: Just because your neighbors ask you for recipe ingredients on a regular basis doesn't mean you always have to share. I am all for being a good neighbor; I always encourage people to reach out to their neighbors to form strong bonds. But that doesn't mean you have to end up being their ersatz grocery store. You can tell your neighbor students that you don't have whatever ingredient they want. You can even jokingly tell the truth, that you need to hold on to your ingredients so that you can cook your own food. Since you know what items they typically need, you may also want to offer to pick up some ingredients for them the next time you go shopping. If they agree, ask them to give you the money upfront. Then you can give them the ingredient, receipt and change when you return. Be sure to let them know where you bought it, too, so that next time you can remind them of where to shop.

You can find compassion in the knowledge that you are probably teaching them what's appropriate. College students are not just learning about their educational studies; they are also discovering how to live their lives independent of their parents. The simplest of things could be brand-new for them. Consider yourself their teacher.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Daughter Needs Guidance When Getting Internships

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 25th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is preparing to look for internships between the fall and spring semesters at college. She will have about six weeks to work and is prepping to go on interviews. She has had no prior job experience other than being a camp counselor. It is her first year at university. How can she present herself well when she doesn't have any job experience? I have tried running over questions and how to act with her, but I think she's tired of mom's advice. -- First Gig, Pittsburgh

DEAR FIRST GIG: Your daughter should think about all the skills she cultivated at camp, including being on time, being responsible for multiple children's safety and happiness, being a troubleshooter, staying positive under pressure, being a creative problem solver and so forth. She should think of examples to illustrate these skills.

She should also learn everything she can about each job for which she is interviewing so that she can demonstrate her knowledge of the industry. Finally, she should be prepared with questions that illustrate that she wants to learn as much as possible and that she is willing to work hard.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolFamily & Parenting
life

Reader Must Protect Against Lunch Theft

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 24th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live at home and bring my lunch to work. Clearly, my finances are not plentiful. For the past two weeks, someone's been stealing my lunch out of the company fridge.

I haven't been able to catch who it is, yet I don't know how easy this could be when around 50 people work on my floor. Not only does the theft cause me to lose my healthy lunch, I lose money having to go buy new food. I hate seeing passive-aggressive notes in the workplace, but I feel like I have no other option unless I want a warmed and spoiled lunch. Is it time to start posting notes? -- Lunchtime Bully, Seattle

DEAR LUNCHTIME BULLY: It is probably time to get an insulated lunch bag that you can keep at your desk, away from the people who share the refrigerator. Clearly, somebody thinks it's OK to steal your lunch. Putting a note on it is not likely to keep those sticky fingers off of it.

Your best bet is to protect your lunch by keeping it in a drawer at your desk so that it is out of sight. Use an ice pack inside an insulated bag to keep your food fresh. Utilize the community microwave if you need to heat something up. Or pack lunches that are safe at room temperature for a few hours.

Etiquette & EthicsWork & SchoolMoney
life

Reader Debating Living With Friends After College

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 24th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I will be graduating from college in the spring. My friends and I have discussed living together post-graduation to save money. I have also been contemplating living alone. I really do enjoy my own private space that I can control. However, this is one of the only opportunities I'll ever have to live with friends because we don't have significant others and families. Is the saved money worth the potential headache? I do have a good time with them. It just may be time to grow up. -- One Versus Four, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR ONE VERSUS FOUR: Make a budget that takes into consideration all of your financial goals and responsibilities. Figure out how much money you need to cover all of your costs and still be able to save some. Based on your goals, does it make sense for you to live with friends short-term? Many college grads do live a year or two with others so that they can save money, pay off debt and get on their feet. If you walk into a roommate situation with specific financial goals in mind, you will likely be more comfortable with the scenario. Why? Even if (or should I say when) friction occurs, you can remind yourself of your bigger goals.

Living with others can be a huge challenge AND a lot of fun. If you approach this arrangement as a short-term fun experience, you can create lasting memories. Just make sure you that you stay on budget and save as much money as you can, so that the experience will be worth it -- in more ways than one!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

MoneyFriends & Neighbors
life

Reader Doesn't Listen to Professional's Advice

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 22nd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a seamstress who I have frequented for the past few months. All of her work has been excellent and affordable, so I bring all of the pieces I've been meaning to fix to her.

A jacket that I ripped is one of my "goal" clothes. I hope to lose enough weight to fit into the jacket again. When I took it to my seamstress, she insisted on letting the seams out so I could fit into it again without ripping it. I told her I wanted it small so I will fit into it when I lose weight. She shook her head silently and fixed the jacket just as I requested. I still don't fit into the jacket, but I was wondering if I had been unreasonable by not listening to the professional. -- Pulling at the Seams, Baltimore

DEAR PULLING AT THE SEAMS: I'm sorry to say that your seamstress was right. To go to the expense of having a jacket repaired to a size that you do not fit was probably a waste of money. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to lose weight, but most people do not get back to that magical weight or size that allows them to fit favorite clothes from yesteryear. That your seamstress could have recut your jacket so that it fits you now would have been a bonus that would not necessarily have meant that you would stop trying to trim down and get healthier. 

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 22, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 22nd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is my constant go-to. She is older and wiser than me, so I've always called her when I'm in need of advice. I've been going through a tough time recently with work and relationships, so I've been calling a lot. "Kelsey" always answers and talks to me, but she's been more distant lately. I know she and her husband want to start a family, and I feel like I take up too much of her time. I've asked her what she's been worrying about, and if I am the problem. Kelsey knows she could always come to me if she needed to. -- Phone Therapy, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR PHONE THERAPY: Sometimes stepping back and giving your go-to confidante space is the best answer. As much as you want to be there for your sister, she may need to walk through her challenges with her husband rather than with you or anyone else.

Thank Kelsey for always being such a wonderful support to you. You can also apologize for being so needy of late. Add that you hope all is well with her, and that if she ever wants to talk about her stuff, you are happy to listen.

As far as your life goes, consider getting some professional coaching for your challenges. Often, a professional can hear themes and patterns in your behavior and choices better than a family member. You may be able to get strategic help for your life by going to a different go-to person.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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