life

Reader Must Protect Against Lunch Theft

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 24th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live at home and bring my lunch to work. Clearly, my finances are not plentiful. For the past two weeks, someone's been stealing my lunch out of the company fridge.

I haven't been able to catch who it is, yet I don't know how easy this could be when around 50 people work on my floor. Not only does the theft cause me to lose my healthy lunch, I lose money having to go buy new food. I hate seeing passive-aggressive notes in the workplace, but I feel like I have no other option unless I want a warmed and spoiled lunch. Is it time to start posting notes? -- Lunchtime Bully, Seattle

DEAR LUNCHTIME BULLY: It is probably time to get an insulated lunch bag that you can keep at your desk, away from the people who share the refrigerator. Clearly, somebody thinks it's OK to steal your lunch. Putting a note on it is not likely to keep those sticky fingers off of it.

Your best bet is to protect your lunch by keeping it in a drawer at your desk so that it is out of sight. Use an ice pack inside an insulated bag to keep your food fresh. Utilize the community microwave if you need to heat something up. Or pack lunches that are safe at room temperature for a few hours.

MoneyWork & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Reader Debating Living With Friends After College

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 24th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I will be graduating from college in the spring. My friends and I have discussed living together post-graduation to save money. I have also been contemplating living alone. I really do enjoy my own private space that I can control. However, this is one of the only opportunities I'll ever have to live with friends because we don't have significant others and families. Is the saved money worth the potential headache? I do have a good time with them. It just may be time to grow up. -- One Versus Four, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR ONE VERSUS FOUR: Make a budget that takes into consideration all of your financial goals and responsibilities. Figure out how much money you need to cover all of your costs and still be able to save some. Based on your goals, does it make sense for you to live with friends short-term? Many college grads do live a year or two with others so that they can save money, pay off debt and get on their feet. If you walk into a roommate situation with specific financial goals in mind, you will likely be more comfortable with the scenario. Why? Even if (or should I say when) friction occurs, you can remind yourself of your bigger goals.

Living with others can be a huge challenge AND a lot of fun. If you approach this arrangement as a short-term fun experience, you can create lasting memories. Just make sure you that you stay on budget and save as much money as you can, so that the experience will be worth it -- in more ways than one!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Friends & NeighborsMoney
life

Reader Doesn't Listen to Professional's Advice

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 22nd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a seamstress who I have frequented for the past few months. All of her work has been excellent and affordable, so I bring all of the pieces I've been meaning to fix to her.

A jacket that I ripped is one of my "goal" clothes. I hope to lose enough weight to fit into the jacket again. When I took it to my seamstress, she insisted on letting the seams out so I could fit into it again without ripping it. I told her I wanted it small so I will fit into it when I lose weight. She shook her head silently and fixed the jacket just as I requested. I still don't fit into the jacket, but I was wondering if I had been unreasonable by not listening to the professional. -- Pulling at the Seams, Baltimore

DEAR PULLING AT THE SEAMS: I'm sorry to say that your seamstress was right. To go to the expense of having a jacket repaired to a size that you do not fit was probably a waste of money. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to lose weight, but most people do not get back to that magical weight or size that allows them to fit favorite clothes from yesteryear. That your seamstress could have recut your jacket so that it fits you now would have been a bonus that would not necessarily have meant that you would stop trying to trim down and get healthier. 

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 22, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 22nd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is my constant go-to. She is older and wiser than me, so I've always called her when I'm in need of advice. I've been going through a tough time recently with work and relationships, so I've been calling a lot. "Kelsey" always answers and talks to me, but she's been more distant lately. I know she and her husband want to start a family, and I feel like I take up too much of her time. I've asked her what she's been worrying about, and if I am the problem. Kelsey knows she could always come to me if she needed to. -- Phone Therapy, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR PHONE THERAPY: Sometimes stepping back and giving your go-to confidante space is the best answer. As much as you want to be there for your sister, she may need to walk through her challenges with her husband rather than with you or anyone else.

Thank Kelsey for always being such a wonderful support to you. You can also apologize for being so needy of late. Add that you hope all is well with her, and that if she ever wants to talk about her stuff, you are happy to listen.

As far as your life goes, consider getting some professional coaching for your challenges. Often, a professional can hear themes and patterns in your behavior and choices better than a family member. You may be able to get strategic help for your life by going to a different go-to person.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

New Co-Worker Gets Too Carried Away

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 21st, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker got way too drunk on a night out with the boys this weekend. He is a new guy who just graduated from college, so we invited him to make some work friends. Apparently, college hasn't left him. He drank all of us under the table.

We don't want to invite him again. He doesn't even remember his embarrassing behavior! We think some mentorship could be offered to him. How do we talk to him about keeping it professional even when we're letting loose? -- Always on the Job, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ALWAYS ON THE JOB: Pull your co-worker aside and ask him if you can give him some feedback. With his permission, tell him highlights of his behavior when you went out drinking. Tell him that in a work situation, it is important to keep your drinking in check because everyone notices what you do, and getting drunk and out of control is not a positive reflection on an employee.

Be honest with this young man. Tell him you want to support him and mentor him if he will welcome that. Tell him that your other co-workers are reluctant to invite him out again because of the way he behaved in the past. Let him share his thoughts and feelings, and do your best to guide him to more responsible action. If you are willing, you really may be able to help him grow.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 21, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 21st, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love leading a healthy lifestyle, although I firmly believe everyone needs an ice cream sundae indulgence once in a while. I was speaking to a friend about diets and favorite foods recently, and she told me she had stopped eating fruits because they have too much sugar. I was in total shock. Fruits and vegetables are the healthiest foods around! She is convinced fruits make her gain weight, and I don't know how to handle this. -- Fruits Are Friends, Los Angeles

DEAR FRUITS ARE FRIENDS: Fruits represent foods that are considered healthy and important to consume in a daily diet. That said, too much of anything can be problematic. Your friend is not wrong in saying that fruits, at least some of them, have high sugar content. You are right, though, that fruit is healthier than cakes and cookies.

Your friend should discuss her fruit intake with her doctor. A medical evaluation will let her know what she should or should not eat. As much as you want to be a support to your friend, you probably should stay out of it. Since you are not a doctor or a nutritionist, you are not able to speak with authority. You will probably end up in an argument.

You could do research for yourself on the pros and cons of consuming fruit. You can share your research with your friend, if you like, but mostly do the research for yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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