DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a hostess at a restaurant in a small town. Even though it is just a weekend gig, I have become invested in an older woman who comes in every Sunday and eats alone. I've never prodded her about her personal life, but it makes me so sad to see her alone. She is probably in her later 70s, and I want to do something to make her dinner a little less lonely. Is this even any of my business? It just breaks my heart to see her alone. -- Table for One, Tupelo, Mississippi

DEAR TABLE FOR ONE: First, slow down and make sure that you are not superimposing your views onto your customer. There is a very good chance that she is at peace and possibly even happy to dine alone every Sunday. Please know that many people of her age (and younger, by the way) are single and do not live near family, so it is common for them to eat alone. What may be less common is for them to venture out to eat at a restaurant among other people. That said, rather than feeling sad, choose to be empathetic and inspired.

When this lady comes in, always greet her by name and attempt to engage her in small talk. If you get a sense of what interests her -- and if you are so inclined -- you may want to share news of upcoming events or even invite her to attend an event with you. But mainly, be kind and engaging without overdoing it. She feels safe at your restaurant. Don't give her a reason to feel uncomfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a lot of food allergies (dairy, tree nuts and some citrus). I feel like my friends feel uncomfortable talking about food with me and pity me. I don't care that I have a restrictive diet, but I never know how to respond. For example, if someone orders orange juice at lunch, they'll look at me and apologize. I don't care what they're eating as long as they're not trying to poison me! I've never addressed this head-on because I would feel uncomfortable with that attention on me. -- Allergy Aversion, Buffalo, New York

DEAR ALLERGY AVERSION: Well, we could be twins! Except my list of allergies is much longer. One thing I considered for a long time and finally have done is to create a card with a list of my allergies on it to hand to waiters when I go to restaurants. This prevents me from having to remember and relay my food challenges in the company of a group of fellow diners. It also helps waiters ensure that they do not bring me food that has hidden ingredients that I cannot eat.

As far as your friends go, I suggest that you speak to them directly. Thank them for being aware of your food allergies. Then go down the list of what would bother you, if anything, if they consumed any of your allergens in your presence. Let them know that otherwise they can eat or drink to their heart's content without worrying about you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college professor who teaches a 2 1/2-hour course once a week. The length of the course obviously gets tedious, but it is only once a week. I have been having a problem with a student, "Caleb," who decides to eat a full meal during class. He comes in with a meatball sub, chips and a huge drink to wash this all down with.

I have spoken to Caleb outside of class and mentioned how his loud eating habits disrupt the class. He told me he didn't see anything in my syllabus prohibiting it, so he sees no reason to stop. How can I ask the class to put up with Caleb's munching for the rest of this semester? -- Loud Chewing, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR LOUD CHEWING: Schedule a meeting with Caleb to get a better sense of what's going on with him. Chances are, if he is eating during your class, it is probably because he hasn't had a moment to eat before then. Find out what he does right before your class begins. Perhaps you can invite him to come to your office and eat before class or go to a common area at school to eat in advance.

Point out that his behavior is disruptive to the class, and you want to figure out a way to take care of everyone. If he refuses to stop eating -- and there are no college rules that you can enforce to stop him -- require that he sit on the last row by an open window (if there is one) or by the door.

Rather than asking your other students to endure him, show them through your actions that you are doing your best to remedy the problem.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an uncommon name, and other people frequently mispronounce it. However, the spelling is similar to a more common name, for example the difference between Anna and "Ah-nuh." Although people are saying my name incorrectly, they pronounce it with confidence. How can I correct people who pronounce my name incorrectly without being deemed a harsh corrector? -- Not Like the Others, Boston

DEAR NOT LIKE THE OTHERS: Come up with a creative and fun way for people to remember your pronunciation. Think of a popular word or saying or thing that sounds like your name or that you can combine with another word to make your pronunciation. The goal is to tap into others' comfort zones and then switch it up to make your unique name. By making it easy for others, you allow for the best opportunity for them to get it right.

You also have to be willing to speak up right away and tell them. You can even introduce yourself by saying your name and adding that it has an unusual pronunciation, followed by saying it slowly and with enthusiasm.

When someone mispronounces it, decide if it is more important in that moment to get the pronunciation right or for you to follow along with the conversation. This is important, because you don't want to turn into a nuisance about your name; you want to inspire people to want to get it right.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-wife has recently remarried. I am indifferent about the marriage, but I need to communicate more with the new guy because my ex and I have children together. I want to talk to him about how my children will refer to him -- NOT "Dad" -- and how he plans on parenting them. How do I ask for him to meet with me? It doesn't matter if my ex is there. -- Not Their Daddy, Tucson, Arizona

DEAR NOT THEIR DADDY: As much as you won't want to hear this, I suggest that you start with your ex and tell her you want to have a conversation with her about the future. I doubt that it will ever work for you and her new husband to try to get on the same page without her blessing. You can tell your ex that you have been thinking about how things will unfold now that she is remarried, and you would like to check in with her husband so that the two of you can reach an agreement about his role. Ask for her blessing for the two of you to get together. If she agrees, let her know upfront what you have in mind, especially what he will be called and where and how discipline figures into daily life.

If you get to meet directly with the new husband, be respectful of him in his new role, and ask him to treasure your children, even as you remind him that you intend to be active in their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in the suburbs, but on the outskirts of town, so I have a little more land. My neighbors have a garden and have been recently creating compost. They haven't told me this -- my nose has. There is a nasty manure pile and rotting food in their backyard. It is putrid, and I think they should move it. We already don't have the best relationship, so I would like this confrontation to go as smoothly as possible. -- No Manure, Poughkeepsie, New York

DEAR NO MANURE: Now is as good a time as any to put on your best behavior. You have to forge a positive relationship with these people if you want to stand a chance of enjoying the extra land you have acquired. So go on over there. Bring a bottle of wine if you think they would enjoy that, and ask if you can sit down and talk. Apologize for getting off to a rocky start, and suggest that you all start over, trying to figure out how best to get along.

Tell them that you have a concern that you really need to bring up with them. Ask for their blessing to share it. Then spill the beans. Tell them that you appreciate that they are trying to be eco-conscious, but that where they have placed their manure pile and composting heap are in direct line of your windows, and it's making you sick. Ask them if they would consider moving the pile or possibly also enclosing it in order to contain the odor. If you ask nicely, you may get a yes!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)