DEAR HARRIETTE: I referred a former employee of mine to do a special project for a friend -- shooting her wedding photos -- because I thought he would do a good job for the low budget that she had to offer. (I had already referred others who were not interested because the budget was low.) They met and hit it off, and everything seemed to be going OK, but now things have gone south.

My employee completed that job, but the pictures have yet to be delivered -- many months later. My friend has contacted me multiple times, distraught because she can't seem to get her pictures. Since I referred the photographer, she is hoping I can help. I have spoken to him several times, but due to a series of strange circumstances, so far he has not delivered. I am fuming. My reputation is on the line, and I haven't a clue what to do. -- SOS, Bowie, Maryland

DEAR SOS: This is a mess, but it's not your problem. Because you referred the photographer, it is kind and appropriate for you to speak to him sternly about honoring his commitment. You can point out that your reputation hangs in the balance because he has shrugged off his duties. But since he isn't responsive, guilting him will go only so far. Do your best to find out what is going on with him. If you know him to be a responsible person normally, something is off. Figure out what it is, and tell him that you need him to come clean with his client and let them know a timetable for fulfilling his duties.

You can let your friend know whatever you have learned. Then, ultimately, if he still does not come through, you may want to recommend that your friend sue him. Depending upon the amount of his fee, they may be able to handle this in small claims court. In the future, if a job seems too small to give to a professional, say as much. Most importantly, don't get entangled in getting somebody cheap to fill the position.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It has been oppressively hot this summer, and I am having a hard time managing the weather. I live in a five-story walk-up, and I have no air conditioning. I invited friends to come over, but I called to suggest that we get together at another time because it was just too hot to have company. One of my friends got really mad at me and suggested that I was being a bad host. I was sitting in my apartment in my underwear, sweating like crazy when I got her note. I wanted to scream and curse her out on text. I restrained myself. What should I say to her? -- Hot Bad Host, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR HOT BAD HOST: You can leave it alone entirely and let your friend dream up reasons to be mad at you. If you must, you can apologize once more for inconveniencing your friends and jokingly suggest that if they still want to come to a party at your house during the heat wave, the dress code is undies only!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my place of residence two months ago, but I was able to stay with my family and friends until I came up with a way to sustain myself during this turbulent time of my life. I went to the local government offices and told them my situation, and they were able to provide me with a place to sleep in a men's shelter. This is a rough experience for me because I did not expect to be homeless. I would like to know how I can stay encouraged while this is going on. -- Keeping My Head Up High, New York City

DEAR KEEPING MY HEAD UP HIGH: I'm so sorry for your current state. Dealing with the stress of losing your home has got to be extremely difficult. The good news is that it seems you have been taking actions to stabilize your life. Better still, as in most cities, New York City government has many programs in place to help people get back on their feet. Ask people in charge at the shelter for what opportunities they know about that you can access. Talk to the people in administration to learn about subsidized housing availability and jobs. Get help updating your resume or creating one if you didn't have one before. Let the experts help you, as this is their job. By staying on top of things, you keep busy, which should help with your morale.

Look around you as well. You will notice that people from all walks of life sometimes find themselves in your position. By noticing the connection of humanity across color, age and class lines, you may be able to feel a little better. Stay focused on achievable goals, meaning break up your big goals into little ones. Every day, check something off of your list that you have accomplished.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single woman, and I recently went back to college at 55 to receive my bachelor's degree. I kept this journey secret because I was embarrassed, since I should have finished my schooling 30 years ago. I received my diploma to no fanfare because I did not invite my family members to my graduation ceremony. I would have liked to invite my loved ones to attend, but my shame would not allow me to ask. I do not want to live in the shadow of shame and embarrassment anymore. How do I celebrate my life? -- No More Shame, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR NO MORE SHAME: Congratulations on your most recent achievement! That you went back to school in your 50s is commendable. Whenever you decide to tell your family, they will likely be very happy for you. More importantly, it is time for you to choose to be happy for yourself. It doesn't matter when your focus on personal achievement kicked in. What is important is that you are dedicated to fulfilling your dreams now. The way you celebrate is by continuing to put one foot in front of the other and doing what you heart desires -- and by letting your loved ones know so that they can celebrate your victories, large and small, with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a call that her best friend from high school committed suicide. I feel so helpless. They just spent the weekend together.

When I tried comforting my daughter, she lashed out at me. It is true I never had many good things to say about "Aaron" when he was alive, but his death changes circumstances. I was originally reluctant to let my daughter go visit her friend two states away, but I am so thankful I got over my stubbornness. She would never forgive me if I hadn't let her go and this tragedy happened. How can I help my daughter with the grieving process when she wants me to have no part in it? -- Heaven's Gates, Dallas

DEAR HEAVEN'S GATES: First, reach out to Aaron's parents to express your condolences and to find out when the services will be. You should make sure that your daughter attends -- with you, as this should help with her healing. Without prying, make yourself available to your daughter so that if and when she wants to talk about this tragedy, you will be available to her. Do your best to stay calm and even-toned, regardless of your daughter's mood. Offer to send her to a therapist for support. She may balk at first, but if after a few weeks she doesn't seem to be getting better emotionally, you should get her professional help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a small wedding with 20 guests -- that's including the groom and myself. It is mostly just family, so nobody is particularly nervous or incredibly excited. This is in part because of my relaxed demeanor and downplaying the event so those who aren't invited won't be offended.

I want to make my bridesmaids feel special so they know this won't be like any other laid-back family affair. How can I do that without going over the minuscule wedding budget? -- Bridesmaids Rule, Seattle

DEAR BRIDESMAIDS RULE: You can arrange an activity with your bridesmaids, separate from the bridal shower, where you spend time thanking them for their love and support. This can be a lunch, a cocktail reception or even a gathering at your house where you can enjoy each other's company and spend some relaxed time together. During this engagement, be sure to tell them about both of your families and about your expectations for the wedding. If they are informed about the plans, it should make it easier for them to go with the flow. You may be surprised to learn that some of them will be relieved that the big day promises to be an easy one. Stress is a common element in weddings, and the more you can reduce it, the better off everyone will be.

It would be great to purchase or make a small gift for each bridesmaid that is personal to them, something that you believe will acknowledge your bond with them as it also serves as a memento of your wedding. A photo of the bridesmaids and you next to a photo of you and your husband in a beautiful frame is one fun idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)