DEAR HARRIETTE: Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a call that her best friend from high school committed suicide. I feel so helpless. They just spent the weekend together.

When I tried comforting my daughter, she lashed out at me. It is true I never had many good things to say about "Aaron" when he was alive, but his death changes circumstances. I was originally reluctant to let my daughter go visit her friend two states away, but I am so thankful I got over my stubbornness. She would never forgive me if I hadn't let her go and this tragedy happened. How can I help my daughter with the grieving process when she wants me to have no part in it? -- Heaven's Gates, Dallas

DEAR HEAVEN'S GATES: First, reach out to Aaron's parents to express your condolences and to find out when the services will be. You should make sure that your daughter attends -- with you, as this should help with her healing. Without prying, make yourself available to your daughter so that if and when she wants to talk about this tragedy, you will be available to her. Do your best to stay calm and even-toned, regardless of your daughter's mood. Offer to send her to a therapist for support. She may balk at first, but if after a few weeks she doesn't seem to be getting better emotionally, you should get her professional help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a small wedding with 20 guests -- that's including the groom and myself. It is mostly just family, so nobody is particularly nervous or incredibly excited. This is in part because of my relaxed demeanor and downplaying the event so those who aren't invited won't be offended.

I want to make my bridesmaids feel special so they know this won't be like any other laid-back family affair. How can I do that without going over the minuscule wedding budget? -- Bridesmaids Rule, Seattle

DEAR BRIDESMAIDS RULE: You can arrange an activity with your bridesmaids, separate from the bridal shower, where you spend time thanking them for their love and support. This can be a lunch, a cocktail reception or even a gathering at your house where you can enjoy each other's company and spend some relaxed time together. During this engagement, be sure to tell them about both of your families and about your expectations for the wedding. If they are informed about the plans, it should make it easier for them to go with the flow. You may be surprised to learn that some of them will be relieved that the big day promises to be an easy one. Stress is a common element in weddings, and the more you can reduce it, the better off everyone will be.

It would be great to purchase or make a small gift for each bridesmaid that is personal to them, something that you believe will acknowledge your bond with them as it also serves as a memento of your wedding. A photo of the bridesmaids and you next to a photo of you and your husband in a beautiful frame is one fun idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Overweight and self-conscious, I decided to make a lifestyle change. I threw out all of my junk food at 2 a.m. and decided I'm through with excuses -- I am going to bring my body back to health. I ordered a meal delivery plan that gives me all of the meals and drinks I need for the day. I felt the difference after a few weeks, and now others have noticed my slimmed-down physique. However, I have begun to miss going out to restaurants with my friends or on dates. I don't think it's allowed, let alone socially acceptable, for people to bring their own food to a restaurant, so I go without fun dinners.

I want to find a way to stay included in the social act of eating without compromising my diet and wasting the money I spent on my delivery plan. -- No Food, No Service, Baltimore

DEAR NO FOOD, NO SERVICE: Until you have your weight and eating completely in control, you should not compromise your plan by going out to eat. This, by the way, is one of the downsides of any strict eating plan, especially those that deliver food, but if it is working for you, keep it up.

Suggest other activities to do with your friends. Be honest with them. State how much you miss them and that you want to get together. Many people would be happy to replace going out for drinks with going for a walk or a run. Consider the classic movie date with a walk afterward so you can talk. Invite your friends over for a social gathering at your home, where you can control the food and drink and still have a great time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a child in my teens. He is now on his own, and I am nearing 40. I have a great husband and five amazing dogs. I get told, "Time is ticking!" and that I should have children, but I have no interest in raising another child. I am just fine with my dogs. I think it's incredibly rude for people to give me unsolicited advice on how to live my life. My pets are my children now, and my son is an amazing and independent man. How do I deflect these comments pressuring me to have children? -- Not a New Momma, Detroit

DEAR NOT A NEW MOMMA: You need to talk to your husband. This is really an issue between the two of you. If he wants to have a child, then the two of you must work through that and decide together if it's something that you would like to do. Honestly, you should have talked about that before you married, but without question, you should address it now.

As a united front, the two of you can handle anyone who has questions about your family. When people make comments about you having a child, you can pivot and let them know that you and your husband -- and dogs! -- have a happy life. By the way, if you ever change your mind and have a baby, that's great, too. Life is fluid. Go with it. As long as you and your husband are on the same path, you will enjoy the journey.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got invited to attend a book club by one of my friends. She thought it would be a great way for our friends and the women in the neighborhood to meet one another. I was all for it, and I never turn down a chance to read and discuss books. However, when I got there, I was immediately offered booze and gossip.

I don't think anyone at my friend's house even knew what book we were reading, except for two women I had a great conversation with. I don't feel comfortable calling this gathering a book club, but I did get a chance to meet two like-minded women. Normally something like this wouldn't be for me, but maybe this is what book clubs are now? -- Bookworm, Denver

DEAR BOOKWORM: Many book clubs present legitimate opportunities for participants to engage in lively conversations about books that they have actually read. Indeed, some book clubs are very strict about their guidelines and may even send reminders to participants that they must have completed the reading before the time of the meeting, or they should not attend.

On the flip side, other book clubs serve more as opportunities for social engagement. Food, drink and socializing can take precedence in these gatherings, at least on occasion. This, naturally, can be frustrating for people who really want to discuss the meat of the book.

What you should do as you continue to search for your right fit is to ask a few questions upfront so that you find out if the club you are considering follows guidelines that you agree with.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Upon traveling home to visit my elderly father, I reconnected with a childhood friend who didn't leave the city we grew up in. We spent so much time together and shared nightly walks through the city. We caught up and were brutally honest about how we've been hurt in the past but are now looking for love. I think we each felt a spark in that moment. I plan on going back for Christmas.

We live thousands of miles apart, but I've known her for so long that it feels like this is right. My rational side is telling me to stop thinking she'd move for me, while my romantic side is telling me this could be the key to my happiness. Which do I listen to? -- Dreamer vs. Realist, Los Angeles

DEAR DREAMER VS. REALIST: Listen to each other. Be brave and talk to your childhood friend about how you feel and what you have been thinking. Ask her if she would consider trying to see if there is a future between the two of you. Be honest about the challenges, including that you live so far away from each other. Be upfront. Ask your friend if she would consider moving to where you live. Know that since she never moved, this may be way past her comfort zone. You, too, should consider if you would ever move back home.

Know that you do not have to make a definitive decision right away. You can agree to try it out, spending time in your hometown and in your current town to see how things go. Take your time. Be sure to tell each other how you feel about the relationship as it evolves so that you protect each other's feelings, no matter what ultimately happens.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)