DEAR HARRIETTE: I got invited to attend a book club by one of my friends. She thought it would be a great way for our friends and the women in the neighborhood to meet one another. I was all for it, and I never turn down a chance to read and discuss books. However, when I got there, I was immediately offered booze and gossip.

I don't think anyone at my friend's house even knew what book we were reading, except for two women I had a great conversation with. I don't feel comfortable calling this gathering a book club, but I did get a chance to meet two like-minded women. Normally something like this wouldn't be for me, but maybe this is what book clubs are now? -- Bookworm, Denver

DEAR BOOKWORM: Many book clubs present legitimate opportunities for participants to engage in lively conversations about books that they have actually read. Indeed, some book clubs are very strict about their guidelines and may even send reminders to participants that they must have completed the reading before the time of the meeting, or they should not attend.

On the flip side, other book clubs serve more as opportunities for social engagement. Food, drink and socializing can take precedence in these gatherings, at least on occasion. This, naturally, can be frustrating for people who really want to discuss the meat of the book.

What you should do as you continue to search for your right fit is to ask a few questions upfront so that you find out if the club you are considering follows guidelines that you agree with.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Upon traveling home to visit my elderly father, I reconnected with a childhood friend who didn't leave the city we grew up in. We spent so much time together and shared nightly walks through the city. We caught up and were brutally honest about how we've been hurt in the past but are now looking for love. I think we each felt a spark in that moment. I plan on going back for Christmas.

We live thousands of miles apart, but I've known her for so long that it feels like this is right. My rational side is telling me to stop thinking she'd move for me, while my romantic side is telling me this could be the key to my happiness. Which do I listen to? -- Dreamer vs. Realist, Los Angeles

DEAR DREAMER VS. REALIST: Listen to each other. Be brave and talk to your childhood friend about how you feel and what you have been thinking. Ask her if she would consider trying to see if there is a future between the two of you. Be honest about the challenges, including that you live so far away from each other. Be upfront. Ask your friend if she would consider moving to where you live. Know that since she never moved, this may be way past her comfort zone. You, too, should consider if you would ever move back home.

Know that you do not have to make a definitive decision right away. You can agree to try it out, spending time in your hometown and in your current town to see how things go. Take your time. Be sure to tell each other how you feel about the relationship as it evolves so that you protect each other's feelings, no matter what ultimately happens.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter goes to a Catholic K-8 elementary school. She wears a uniform and has very little freedom within the school. My daughter recently started her period, and she needs to go to the restroom more frequently than other kids. The problem is that the whole class walks down to the bathroom together twice a day. No other bathroom breaks are allowed unless it is a total emergency.

I know my daughter won't bleed through her hygiene supplies; however, she is still getting used to this whole process and wants a second to be totally sure that she won't bleed onto her seat. I was thinking about contacting her school about the bathroom rules, but I don't want to mortify her. What would you do in my situation? -- Menarche, Philadelphia

DEAR MENARCHE: This is a time when you probably should intervene and make the call. You can ask the administration to be discreet about dealing with your daughter's situation so as not to embarrass her. The tricky part, however, is that whether they say anything to her, the class will notice if she is leaving the room independent of the group.

What you may want to ask is what policy they have in place to deal with students entering puberty. Obviously, your daughter is not the first student who needs to tend to her personal hygiene in this way. Do your best to work with the leadership to help your daughter without creating undue embarrassment. Be sure to let your daughter know that this is happening so that she is not caught off guard.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband surprised me with a dress to wear out on our anniversary. I was surprised by this gesture and wore the dress proudly. I thought this would be a one-time thing. Now, my husband wants to dress me or gives his not-always-positive input on my outfits. I took his first gesture as a fun way to connect, but now I'm regretting opening this door. How can I ask my husband to step back and to stop buying me the clothing he wants me to wear? -- Fashion Emergency, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR FASHION EMERGENCY: Clearly, your husband is trying to send you a message. Before you say anything, do a visual review of what he has bought for you and what you have chosen for yourself. Figure out what the difference is between the two wardrobes and if there is anything that you like about his choices. This does not mean that you should feel OK about him putting down your choices. This may also be a fun way for you to connect with each other that sparks some youthful romance.

Feel free to tell him that while you enjoy dressing up for him, you want to take back the control of your wardrobe. Soften the blow by asking him what excites him in wardrobe choices so that you can sprinkle some of those features into your outfits.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a pastor of a small church, and we are currently renting space at our local theater complex. Our plan is to purchase a building of our own in the future. In the meantime, my parishioners would like to incorporate a community outreach program while we are looking for a new home. I am having a hard time trying to find a happy medium between raising money for our new location and creating a presence in the community. What is the best way I can use the church funds to address these pressing issues simultaneously? -- Good Shepherd, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR GOOD SHEPHERD: Actually, your two goals -- fundraising for your new home and engaging the community in an uplifting outreach program -- should go together quite naturally. Building positive awareness in your community should help you connect with the movers and shakers as well as the mainstays in your neighborhood. If these people grow to like and respect you and your congregation, they will want you to stay. They may end up being key in your capital campaign.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my father when I was 17 years old because of a drunk driver. Now, as a mother of two children, I want my children to appreciate their father in a way I feel like I didn't have the chance to. I have been thinking about ideas of how to make my children more appreciative, but it seems like they aren't even interested. -- Practice Gratitude, Dallas

DEAR PRACTICE GRATITUDE: Children learn by example. While you are inspired by the loss of your father, you need to find a source of inspiration for them with their own father. Think about what they do together that they enjoy. How does your husband bring joy to the children's lives? What do they enjoy together that they would like to continue? By tapping into what connects them naturally, you create space for their bond to flourish.

Do not just leave this to the children. Talk to your husband about your idea. Let him know its origin -- you missing this opportunity with your own father. Invite your husband to work with you to create special moments with the children. By engaging him, he becomes an active participant in building even better memories than may already be underway.

Don't go overboard in your zeal, though. Allow the family to enjoy each other in little and big ways. When you are around, take pictures of your children's engagements with their father. Gather those photos into photo albums. Get them printed on mugs or other memorabilia. Share images of your whole family -- including you -- with other family members as well.

By living your lives fully and being conscious about spending time together, including with your husband, you create space for beautiful relationships to bloom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)