DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a stay-at-home mom who just moved to a new town. In an effort to meet friends, I joined the PTA and went to a mid-summer meeting of the mothers. I was greeted by a friendly woman who took me under her wing. We went out to lunch the next day, and she was incredibly charming. Today, I got a text from one of the other mothers that said that "Christy" has hurt all of them and has no friends. That's why she was so immediately drawn to me. I was told to watch out. I think I befriended the wrong mom at the PTA meeting. I just want to make friends, but I feel like I was thrown into a soap opera! How do I untangle this mess and make friends? -- New Kid on the Block, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR NEW KID ON THE BLOCK: Proceed with caution. This includes taking your time getting to know everyone. You do not need to sever ties with Christy. Instead, slow down. You can continue to get to know her, but make time to meet the other mothers as well. You can connect with mothers one-on-one by your invitation and as they invite you to do things with them. Listen to what they have to say about Christy -- up to a point. You can also state clearly that she has been kind to you, and you appreciate that. Be your own gauge for whether you develop a friendship with her. Just know that if you do, that bond may have to exist outside of other friend groups that you cultivate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I strongly believe one shouldn't drink alcohol to get drunk. I think drinking to the point of intoxication is immature, and you aren't respecting and savoring alcohol. I brew my own beer and have experimented with making my own hard liquor. I told my work friends about my views, and they made fun of me. They poke fun at me still, and I don't get invited out to happy hour anymore. What gives? I thought we were all mature adults. -- Connoisseur, Denver

DEAR CONNOISSEUR: Your friends likely think that you are being a hypocrite, given that you produce spirits, yet shun intoxication. As you probably know, whether intentional or not, many people get inebriated, at least on occasion, if they drink alcohol.

Your thoughts about drinking too much are judgmental, even if they do make sense to you and likely a slew of other people. Your friends probably do not invite you to happy hour because they don't want to feel that they are being judged when they want to relax and let loose. While you may all be mature adults, you have chosen to put your stake in the ground about others' drinking habits, and that makes some people uncomfortable.

One way to attempt to turn things around is to ask if you can join the group at the next happy hour, and offer to be the designated driver. This may give the group a laugh -- along with a practical way to include you in the mix. On your part, you will have to participate without sharing your opinions. Otherwise, it will backfire.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are overweight. I have tried fad diet after fad diet, to no avail. My husband has just given up on his physique and health.

We want our kids to be fit and not follow in our footsteps. We sign them up for sports and activity-laden camps, and we make them separate, healthier food for dinner. Recently, they've been questioning why they go to so many activities and eat well when "mommy and daddy don't." I tell them I'm not fit and young enough to keep up with them, but they seem disappointed in my answer. What else can I do? -- Don't Follow My Example, Rochester, New York

DEAR DON'T FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE: Your children are reflecting reality back at you. You cannot expect them to continue to push to do sports and eat well when their parents don't even make the effort. It is time for you and your husband to choose to do something to move your bodies. Easier than that is for you to sit at the table and eat the same foods that you feed your children. While you may not be young or fit enough to keep up with your kids, you cannot afford to give up, as that is a very unhealthy and unsafe message that you are sending your children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife, "Tammy," has an adult son from a previous marriage. I think Tammy's son is a total deadweight to her. Tammy told me a few months ago that she lent her son $8,000 for him to move into his own home because he and his "baby mama" couldn't work things out. I was so angry and shocked at Tammy. I wanted to know when our bank account would be paid back, and she told me that when you lend money to family you shouldn't expect it back. After confronting my stepson, he told me he couldn't give me a date when he would be able to pay me back. I think this is cowardly. A grown man (he is almost 30) shouldn't need handouts from his mother.

How do I get my $8,000 back when neither my wife nor stepson are willing to work to get it back in the right bank account? -- Losing Battles, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LOSING BATTLES: You are going to have to accept that you may never get that money back. That said, you can establish ground rules for the future. Let your wife know that you will not co-sign giving more money to her son and his family, because you do not think it is healthy for them. Offer to support them in other ways, including giving advice on becoming financially independent, if they are open to it.

Work with your wife on establishing boundaries for the health of the entire family. Make sure that you do not pose this in a way that is "us against them." You will not win if you even unconsciously attempt to alienate your wife from her son. Instead, work toward whole-family health, which includes agreeing on how to support adult children.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a housecleaner with a great list of clients. I get treated kindly and paid a fair amount. Recently, I took on a home that offered to pay me nearly double my normal rate. I was suspicious of why they pay so much and needed to find help over 20 minutes away, and I found out on my second week, when I was forced to clean up a used feminine hygiene product that was left on the floor.

I am not a squeamish person, but I feel like I am being treated like a lesser being when I go over there. I scrub dog urine and have to deal with snooty looks while I am on my hands and knees.

The money is great, but I feel my confidence waver after every visit. Should I stay at this job? I can't imagine my employers ever changing. -- Scrub-a-Dub-Dub

DEAR SCRUB-A-DUB-DUB: Money is not everything. You must decide what is important to you. If you need extra money in the short term, you may consider working for these people for a limited period of time, after which you leave. Given how you feel when working there, you should not stay long-term. Nothing is worth diminishing your self-esteem.

Since you already have a great client list, ask your current clients if they can make recommendations for additional homes. Chances are, they will refer you to other good people.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got chastised for having my phone out on the job a few days ago. After promising I would keep it put away, I got caught again today taking pictures of the sunset. I got bored on the job, but now I am in hot water. There has also been an instance of me asking a customer for her number. I want to change, and this time definitely gave me a wake-up call. Do you think there's anything I could do to save my job at this point? I really need the money. -- Talkin' to the Boss, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEAR TALKIN' TO THE BOSS: You need to right your ship, so to speak, which requires doing a serious self-assessment. Why are you choosing to make bad decisions that you know are irresponsible? Do some digging to learn what is motivating you. You say that you have been bored, but is that a good enough reason to throw away your work responsibilities?

You have to convince yourself that you can do a better job before anyone else will believe you. Being nonchalant and flippant is not the way to build a career or keep a job. Whether or not you love your job, you say that you need it. What behavior do you think is necessary to keep your job? Make a list of what those behaviors are, and decide if you believe you can do them.

When you go to your boss, apologize for your past behavior. Describe what you believe it will take to keep your job, and offer to commit to doing those things now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)