DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job a couple of months ago. It's a great and rare opportunity where I have the chance to get in on the ground level in an industry I never thought I'd find myself working in.

I want to take special care to make connections while I'm here. The problem is that I don't know how to connect with these co-workers. The environment and the people are vastly different from what I am used to, and I'm not sure what to say or do. Do you have any advice on how to make connections with co-workers? -- In My Shell, Philadelphia

DEAR IN MY SHELL: Making meaningful connections with people can be challenging, especially when you feel like a fish out of water, or you are a bit shy. The good news is that there are strategies you can use to help cross that line of discomfort. For starters, always remember that people like to talk about themselves. As you look around to see who might be interesting to you, notice everything you can about them: what their jobs are, how they dress, what they like to talk about. Then look them up online to learn whatever you can about their background. When you approach someone, introduce yourself. You can say that you have noticed them on the job and wanted to say hello. Pick a conversation starter that might be a bridge, asking them about their latest project, their alma mater (if you learned about that in your research) or even their shoes. Pick a topic that seems like an easy entry point for them to start talking. Be prepared to share a little something about yourself, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who can't seem to make a relationship work. Every time we have a talk about her relationship woes, she tells me how good men are impossible to find. The problem is, whenever she goes into the details about why the relationship fell apart, it is usually her fault.

I know good friends are supposed to tell their friends when they're messing up, but she does not take any sort of criticism well. The last time I told her about her actions, we didn't speak for two months. How can I tell my friend that she may need to start with the woman in the mirror without it turning into a huge blowout? Any advice would be appreciated. -- Ticking Time Bomb, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR TICKING TIME BOMB: Instead of speaking about her issues directly, use examples of other people to illustrate points, even if you have to change names. Start by saying, "I have a friend who went through something like that." Then tell a similar story and reveal the unhappy ending that shows clearly the person's role in its demise. Point out that you think your friend does the same thing sometimes.

You can also ask her to stop telling you her sob stories if she is unwilling to listen to you. Admit that it hurts your feelings when she asks for your input and then gets mad when you share it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the owner of a small Chihuahua-mix, "Sadie." She is very spunky and has her own unique personality. Sadie loves people, and I always get requests to dog-sit her while I am away on vacation. As kind as these offers are, I know Sadie changes when I am not around. She cries and looks for me for days while I am on vacation. It is sad to hear about, and definitely distressing to be around.

Ever since I let my best friend take care of Sadie for a week, I have been leaving my dog with a professional dog sitter. How do I explain to my friends that Sadie is a bit of a nightmare to leave with strangers when they won't take no for an answer? They say I'm exaggerating, or think I don't trust them to take care of Sadie. -- Fetching for Answers, San Francisco

DEAR FETCHING FOR ANSWERS: Kindly put your foot down. If you choose to explain at all, tell those who ask that your dog has a routine when you go away that you need to keep in place in order to best care for her. Don't talk about Sadie's mood swings. Keep it as a discussion about how you support your family -- your dog -- when you are away. Welcome your friends to visit with Sadie when you are in town. If pressed, point out that Sadie is not staying with other friends. She is staying with a professional dog sitter so that you both have peace of mind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and her longtime boyfriend just broke up. He was a great addition to the family for years, but they have just grown apart. During their time together, we became close friends. Over the course of their relationship, the three of us would hang out fairly frequently. He became like a brother to me. Since the breakup, I haven't seen him.

I really want to get lunch with him and see how he's doing. My sister is not angry with him, and I think her ex and I have developed our own friendship outside of their relationship. Should I ask my sister for her blessing to get lunch with her ex? I don't think she'd mind, but I don't want to start a war. -- Text Your Ex, Boston

DEAR TEXT YOUR EX: You absolutely should speak to your sister before making any kind of overture to her ex. Be clear first, though, about your intentions. Do you really feel like he is a brother now, or do you have feelings for him? People do grow close to those whom their siblings date. Sometimes this is true even when people marry and then divorce. In some cases, family members do remain friends for years even after the original couple breaks up.

Before you enter that territory, check in with your sister and get her blessing. Cultivating a friendship with him again is worth it only if it doesn't cause strife in the family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the aftermath of the many mass shootings that have happened lately, I found out that my mother's new husband owns a gun. This never came up in the time before they were married. My mother knew about the gun and didn't tell me or my sister. Now that I know a deadly weapon is in their house, I refuse to stay over there. I feel uncomfortable and will not support a concealed weapon in the house.

My mother is saddened by my refusal to spend more time in the home. I haven't spoken to her husband about it because I doubt he'll change his ways just because of my protests. Is there any way to compromise in this gun debacle, or should I keep on standing my ground? -- No More Guns, Cincinnati

DEAR NO MORE GUNS: As one who is pro-commonsense gun control, I can tell you that I am also not afraid when people have weapons in their homes. Indeed, I grew up in a home with several guns. They were locked away in spaces that my sisters and I could not reach. While my parents did not advertise that they had them, they admitted it when we figured it out.

My recommendation is for you to speak directly to your mother's husband about your concerns. Ask him to show you his gun(s). Learn about how he stores them and what safety measures he has in place to ensure that no one gets hurt. Ask him if he is licensed to carry a gun.

Tell your stepfather that you are extremely uncomfortable about being in a home with a gun, which is why you have avoided coming over. Ask him what he can do to make you feel more comfortable. You have to be a little flexible. It is his home, and he probably will not get rid of his gun(s), but perhaps he will store any weapon more securely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends really wants a tattoo. However, she doesn't want to get one alone. She's been reaching out to our group of friends to get "friendship tattoos." She knows I want to get a tiny tattoo at some point in my life, so she has been badgering me in particular to get matching tattoos. Honestly, I've never even heard of this, and I want her to have the courage to get something so permanent alone. I don't really want to have a link to her on my skin forever. I've been making it fairly clear that I am not interested in taking this plunge with her, but she won't stop. I was thinking about agreeing and having her go first, then bowing out. Is that wrong? -- She Wants It Too Much, Dallas

DEAR SHE WANTS IT TOO MUCH: Don't fake her out. Stand up for yourself, and make your position clear. I strongly agree with you that matching tattoos are not a good idea -- unless they are the temporary kind! Remind your friend that tattoos are permanent and personal. You can admit that you intend to get one sometime in the future, but that you will not be doing a BFF tattoo date with her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)