DEAR HARRIETTE: In the aftermath of the many mass shootings that have happened lately, I found out that my mother's new husband owns a gun. This never came up in the time before they were married. My mother knew about the gun and didn't tell me or my sister. Now that I know a deadly weapon is in their house, I refuse to stay over there. I feel uncomfortable and will not support a concealed weapon in the house.

My mother is saddened by my refusal to spend more time in the home. I haven't spoken to her husband about it because I doubt he'll change his ways just because of my protests. Is there any way to compromise in this gun debacle, or should I keep on standing my ground? -- No More Guns, Cincinnati

DEAR NO MORE GUNS: As one who is pro-commonsense gun control, I can tell you that I am also not afraid when people have weapons in their homes. Indeed, I grew up in a home with several guns. They were locked away in spaces that my sisters and I could not reach. While my parents did not advertise that they had them, they admitted it when we figured it out.

My recommendation is for you to speak directly to your mother's husband about your concerns. Ask him to show you his gun(s). Learn about how he stores them and what safety measures he has in place to ensure that no one gets hurt. Ask him if he is licensed to carry a gun.

Tell your stepfather that you are extremely uncomfortable about being in a home with a gun, which is why you have avoided coming over. Ask him what he can do to make you feel more comfortable. You have to be a little flexible. It is his home, and he probably will not get rid of his gun(s), but perhaps he will store any weapon more securely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends really wants a tattoo. However, she doesn't want to get one alone. She's been reaching out to our group of friends to get "friendship tattoos." She knows I want to get a tiny tattoo at some point in my life, so she has been badgering me in particular to get matching tattoos. Honestly, I've never even heard of this, and I want her to have the courage to get something so permanent alone. I don't really want to have a link to her on my skin forever. I've been making it fairly clear that I am not interested in taking this plunge with her, but she won't stop. I was thinking about agreeing and having her go first, then bowing out. Is that wrong? -- She Wants It Too Much, Dallas

DEAR SHE WANTS IT TOO MUCH: Don't fake her out. Stand up for yourself, and make your position clear. I strongly agree with you that matching tattoos are not a good idea -- unless they are the temporary kind! Remind your friend that tattoos are permanent and personal. You can admit that you intend to get one sometime in the future, but that you will not be doing a BFF tattoo date with her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hosted a birthday party for my child recently. It was a mix of adults and children, because I knew from experience that parents would be more likely to bring their children if I entertained them as well.

At one point in the party, I was walking the children down the block after playing soccer. I overheard my 10-year-old son bragging about the properties "he" owns and pointing them out on the street. Although it is true that my husband owns a few buildings in our neighborhood, my son was acting like he was the richest boy in all the land. Before I had a chance to correct him, I saw some of the kids in the group roll their eyes at my son. I felt horrible.

I don't know how my son became so obsessed with money and belongings. How do I start this conversation with him? I fear it might be too late to change him, but I want to bring awareness to him. -- Not About the Money, Tampa, Florida

DEAR NOT ABOUT THE MONEY: In private, ask your son why he was telling the children about you family's properties. Gently probe to find out why he felt the need to show off in that way. Tell him what you observed, namely the children rolling their eyes. Point out that the reason you are telling him about his friends' reaction is so he can understand that when people brag about their possessions -- or really anything that they have -- others do not usually appreciate it.

Explain that it is a blessing for your family to have properties and to have whatever possessions and money you may have acquired, but that this is a private topic for the family to discuss, not to share with friends -- even if the friends brag about their stuff on other occasions. As the host of his birthday party, his job was to make his guests feel comfortable, not to pump himself up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I speak three languages. I am eager to begin learning a fourth at some point in life, but for now I have three. I don't look like a native speaker of my languages -- other than English -- so people tend to be surprised if I smile or overhear a part of their conversation when they don't expect me to know the language. Am I being rude by reacting to their conversation? I don't want to seem like an eavesdropper! -- Hush-Hush, Denver

DEAR HUSH-HUSH: If the conversation is friendly and not too personal, it should be fine for you to say something in the language being spoken so that you do not seem like an eavesdropper. In this way, you can be included in the discussion -- or not. If you overhear something rude being said about someone present or otherwise inappropriate, that is also a time when you can defend the defenseless by saying something in the language.

Too often people allow others to make fun of those who do not understand what they are saying. You can be the person who speaks up to support or defend others as well as the one who speaks up to let others know you can easily join the conversation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a bit of a modern wedding. My fiance and I are 46 and 56, respectively, and this is the second marriage for each of us. We went to our church and set a date for October. We invited 20 people to this small gathering, mostly family, since we each have several children. We plan on having a reception in the spring.

How should I go about sending out invitations for this reception? We will be married and living together by the time we have our larger celebration, but we still want friends and family to be able to come together and meet each other. -- New Vows, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR NEW VOWS: Create an invitation that states that you are having an intimate wedding ceremony. Be specific on the envelope as to who is being invited -- name each person. Follow up with a call to your guests, letting them know that you are excited to get married and want them to know that they are part of a very small group who have been invited to witness their union. Ask them to keep your wedding in confidence so as to honor the sanctity of the experience. You can also let them know that you will be having a reception in the spring, and you will send those invitations at that time.

As far as your reception invitations, say just that -- it's a reception to celebrate your October wedding. Having small wedding ceremonies and larger celebrations is a common practice these days.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a recent college graduate. In order to celebrate my accomplishment, my mom decided to throw me a barbecue and invite her friends as well as mine. Some of the presents were cash in a card, others were checks, and some were jewelry. I was incredibly grateful for everything I received.

While I was writing my thank-you notes, I noticed that some of my cards were missing the cash that was put in them. I think my mother took some of my graduation presents in order to cover the food costs of the barbecue. A guest couldn't have stolen the money -- I put the gifts in my room after the party myself. Should I confront my mother? I don't even want the money back. I just want to know if she is the culprit. -- Sticky Fingers, Bowie, Maryland

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: You should definitely tell your mother what you discovered. Do not confront her. Tell her that you were writing your thank-you cards and noticed that the cash in several of the cards was missing. Ask her if she knows anything about it. If she seems agitated but not forthcoming, you can add that you had the thought that she may have needed it to pay for the barbecue. Tell her that if that is what happened, it's fine. You were just worried about what happened to the money.

If you truly are fine with not having the money -- regardless of the reason -- let it go, even if your mother does not admit to taking it. If you can let it go, do so.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)