DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a bit of a modern wedding. My fiance and I are 46 and 56, respectively, and this is the second marriage for each of us. We went to our church and set a date for October. We invited 20 people to this small gathering, mostly family, since we each have several children. We plan on having a reception in the spring.

How should I go about sending out invitations for this reception? We will be married and living together by the time we have our larger celebration, but we still want friends and family to be able to come together and meet each other. -- New Vows, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR NEW VOWS: Create an invitation that states that you are having an intimate wedding ceremony. Be specific on the envelope as to who is being invited -- name each person. Follow up with a call to your guests, letting them know that you are excited to get married and want them to know that they are part of a very small group who have been invited to witness their union. Ask them to keep your wedding in confidence so as to honor the sanctity of the experience. You can also let them know that you will be having a reception in the spring, and you will send those invitations at that time.

As far as your reception invitations, say just that -- it's a reception to celebrate your October wedding. Having small wedding ceremonies and larger celebrations is a common practice these days.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a recent college graduate. In order to celebrate my accomplishment, my mom decided to throw me a barbecue and invite her friends as well as mine. Some of the presents were cash in a card, others were checks, and some were jewelry. I was incredibly grateful for everything I received.

While I was writing my thank-you notes, I noticed that some of my cards were missing the cash that was put in them. I think my mother took some of my graduation presents in order to cover the food costs of the barbecue. A guest couldn't have stolen the money -- I put the gifts in my room after the party myself. Should I confront my mother? I don't even want the money back. I just want to know if she is the culprit. -- Sticky Fingers, Bowie, Maryland

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: You should definitely tell your mother what you discovered. Do not confront her. Tell her that you were writing your thank-you cards and noticed that the cash in several of the cards was missing. Ask her if she knows anything about it. If she seems agitated but not forthcoming, you can add that you had the thought that she may have needed it to pay for the barbecue. Tell her that if that is what happened, it's fine. You were just worried about what happened to the money.

If you truly are fine with not having the money -- regardless of the reason -- let it go, even if your mother does not admit to taking it. If you can let it go, do so.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a bit of a foodie, and I enjoy collecting cookbooks that adorn a bookshelf by my kitchen. I know that I can just look up a recipe on the Internet, but I enjoy having my tried and true recipes on the page in front of me. A few of my friends have asked to borrow a cookbook when they come over. I have over a hundred of these books, so I didn't think twice about letting some of my friends borrow my cookbooks.

After a few months, I began to get suspicious. I reached out to my friends ... and only one out of the four said she would give my book back to me! The rest couldn't find it or had loaned it to other people. I just said to let me know when they get the books back.

In reality, I'm pretty annoyed that my friends disrespected my belongings like this. I want to lay down the law and demand they give me the book or pay me back. What should I say when I call them? -- No Library Card, St. Louis

DEAR NO LIBRARY CARD: When you value something, hold on to it. That is the lesson you just learned. Since your cookbooks are precious to you, you must treat them like that all the time. That could mean allowing them to be borrowed only if you sign them out like library books, with clearly defined penalties.

Better yet, do not lend them. You can allow friends to record recipes by hand or take a photo with their phones. But if you do not let the books leave your home, you will always have them.

As for the friends who have not returned cookbooks, do not charge them a fine, but do tell them that you are terribly disappointed and that you expect them to return the books.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past week, a friend from out of town stayed over with me. She's from a fairly rural area, so she was excited to see my urban environment. Originally, she was to come for a three-day weekend; she changed her plans suddenly the week before her arrival so she would be here from a Monday to a Thursday.

I had already agreed to have her stay with me, but I told her I would have to be at work. She told me she understood; however, during her time in my home, she seemed bored. My house is walking distance to a train, and I gave her a list of activities to do when I was gone. She seemed so bored whenever I came home, and she revealed to me that she didn't leave during the day. I felt bad that her experience left her wishes for her "city time" unfulfilled.

My friend left yesterday, and I am wondering if I should send her an apology of some sort. -- Worst Hostess, Chicago

DEAR WORST HOSTESS: Remember that you informed your friend of your availability. Do not beat yourself up or apologize. Instead, if your friend chooses to come again, be sure to control the time of the visit to ensure that you are available to entertain her during that period. Say no to extended dates.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Independence Day! I feel particularly sentimental about our country at this time. This may be, in part, because there has been so much controversy over what it means to be American, what is worth fighting for, what is worth dying for and what we value. The very fact that we can talk about our differing views means that, on one level at least, this great experiment in democracy is working. In many countries across the world, it is against the law to speak your mind, let alone tell other people to do so. We enjoy so many freedoms, but I fear that we are taking some for granted while clutching too frantically to others.

As one whose ancestors did not have the right to vote -- being both African-American and female -- I recognize the precious right that voting affords Americans. I take my daughter to every election, even the midterms that so many people skip. I want her to know that it is a right and a privilege to be able to have a voice in the electoral process. Sadly, I know many families who are not making the choice to vote regularly or to educate their children about the process.

I understand the many question marks that may stand in people's way. When our own Congress refuses to function according to the rules that it is supposed to follow, it can seem immaterial for a citizen to cast a vote. When individuals on both sides of the political aisle bicker with one another more than fighting for the good of the people, some people lose steam.

I want to challenge any and all of us who may be getting jaded thanks to the messiness of our political process: Even when things seem hopeless, I implore us all to look around at other countries in the world and recognize that our country offers more opportunities than most. The United States, as fractured as it sometimes seems, does allow the freedom for its citizens to grow and prosper. Are all of the laws fair -- at least in the way that they are enforced? No. Are all people equally safe? No. Are all people equally paid? No. But the great news is that we can continue to fight for equality for every single one of us.

As free Americans, we can express ourselves through our voices, our dollars and our votes. Because of the many fights that our country has fought for all manner of freedom, we know that the fight does not have to be for naught. We can make a difference. We can make our Union more perfect.

Each day, I answer your thoughtful questions about how to live harmoniously, with respect and dignity. Today, I remind us of our responsibility to support the greatness of our country on this day that reminds us of the promise of independence. Each one of us can and must make a difference by claiming our freedom with all our might. We must step into our responsibility as we stand up for what is right for us, our families, our communities and our country. -- Harriette

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)